1984..... possibly....

now, the other day the Beard was in touch with the other side.... well, radio 2 anyway... still possibly my favourite station, despite the almost demise of a certain Terence Wogan, Knight of the Realm... but I digress....

anyway, the point is that Jeremy Vine (not to be confused with his ersatz cousin, Jeremy Kyle... many have...) was holding a discussion on what you would like to see the back of on the date of the ending of teh decade... and what the beard and several others said they'd like to see the back of was people saying that it was the end of the decade.... after all, its simple maths folks... there was no year 0, so the end of the first decade was obviously 10AD.... so unless somewhere we added a year, or had technical difficulties and weree stuck with a decade of nine years at some point, it would follow that the end of this decade is in fact the end of 2010... just as 2000AD was the last year of the 1990s... honestly... and 2001 was both the first year of the century and the millenium.... but as i don't actually follow the Judaeo-Christian based Gregorian calendar, this is all academic to me.... after all, i have 13 months in the year.... but again i digress...

but it did get me thinking of dates, and one date in particualr kept coming to mind, the eponymous date of Orwells second most famous novel.... the most famous being of course the one with the pigs.... now, 1984 has been one of my favourite books since i did it at high school in Eng Lit... which is usually a sure firer way to turn people off any book you care to mention... but 1984 was a breath of fresh air after The Outsider by Albert the Camel.... a controversial book, not least because it was french, and was written in french by a frenchman.... which technically isn't a crime, but does beg the question as always of why it was being studied in English Literature.... after all, does a translation into Deutsch make Lord of the Rings German Literature??? personally I doubt it.. but again, I digress....

1984 was, if I remember rightly, the first time i argued with a teacher over the content or meaning of a book.... a thing that i did more famously with the ever lovely Mrs Degg nee Davenport when studying Hamlet... and yes, she accepted the validity of my argument, especially when i showed he rthe reference to "nunnery" in my dictionary of Elizabethan slang... but there we go... anyway, i got fed up with everyone saying that 1984 was some view of a future dystopia, when i was sure (and still am) that Orwell was being a damn sight cleverer than that....

you see, behind the one dimensional characters and thin plot lies the essence of the novel, and of the warning, if such exists.... not a warning against some evil totalitarian state, but a warning that the apathy of the proles (us!!) would lead to the perpetuation of the current system of government... yes, that's right... Orwell in 1984 gives us a picture of a world where there used to be three layers of society... the High, whose aim is to stay where they are, the Middle, whose aim is to become the high, and the low, whose aim is to survive... every now and then, there is a revolution of the middle against the High, using the low as foot soldiers... the high are got rid of, the top end of the middle take the place of the high, and the rest of the middle and the low stay where they were.... until the middle revolt again... and again.... the only strata which experiences basically no change is the low.... now, in 1984 Ingsoc, et al, have achieved something greater.. they have ousted the High without replacing it.... so there is now no new High for the remaining middler to expel.... the low of course have stayed where they were.... but the place of the high has been taken by a faceless, non existent character, Big Brother.... and as he does not exist, the middle rule, by a committee that, since it does not allow individualism, is perpetual.... the revolution has finally succeeded.... the middle know that the way to stop new rebellion is simply now to keep the middle in fear, and make sure that the low are preoccupied with an endless war, popular songs, novels, and are only taught what they need to be taught.... all that remains is to alter the language.... so far so totalitarian, yes??

but no.. take any totalitarian state yiou choose, and you will see that the High still exists... there is only one system in which the high has been ousted or marginalised, and a faceless middle rules perpetually... its called democracy at the minute, and its alive and well here... think about it... as teh great Winston Churchill said (and i admit this is a bit of a paraphrase) we always have the same Cabinet.. only the faces change.... in other words (hock!! shorror!!) the system outlined by Orwell is our own system... just as in Oceania in 1984, if several members of the ruling committee die, it doesn't matter, as it is the body that is strong, not the individual cells.... and just as in 1984, the proles are kept happy by slight increases in rations, the X Factor and popular television, novels and songs and films churned out in machine like fashion, and kept in fear of bombings and wars that actually exist mainly by agreement with the middles of the other nations... so there will be no revolution ever again... the system is forever, unassailable....

but don't take my word for it... read 1984 again, and ask yourself.... does the governmental system depicted remind you of Nazism, Faascism, Stalinism, with their real dictators countermanding their cabinets.. or is it more like the good old mother of parliaments.... I know waht I think.... and I'd be very disappointed in orwell if i was wrong.... but I'm going on a bit much for this late at night.... so, all I'll say is that New Years eve was a good one, and I'm off to bed.... so, until the future does lie with the proles, Wisebeard salutes you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

its christmas...

and what a Christmas... now, the Beard has never been one for christmas, as most of you may or may not know... and as for the rest of you... well.... but in the end, I suppose it all comes down to one thing... which is unfortunately the thing that escapes me.... but I digress...

now, last week the Beard was waxing lyrical about instruction books, and the reasons why those given them should at least read them.... I'm a great believer in the parable of the football team... for those of you who have never heard it, it goes something like this....

three men wanted to play football for a famous premiership team.. which one possibly is unimportant, but if not, then feel free to make it your favourite one.... anyway, to cut a long story short, the manager gives them all a copy of the rules of footie, tells them to familiarise themselves with it, then come back next day for the trials...

player one, lets call him "player one" for the sake of clarity, decides not to bother.

player two ("Steve") reads the book, decides that some of the rules are stupid, and thinks that he can do better...

player three (who we will call on the telephone) reads the book, and decideds to keep to the rules....

on the day of the trials player one does so many fouls that he is sent away quickly... Steve goes on the pitch equipped with a hockey stick and catches the ball, only to be sent home... and player three plays according to the rules and gets on the team...

the moral of the story is, I hope, obvious, but to be honest I very much doubt it... but substitute yourr favourite religion for football and you may get the point... which I am determined not to make myself...

now read the rules for yourself.... you may be very surprised....

but it is allegedly the season of goodwill, so the point will be mercifully unlaboured....

other than that, another month has gone by, with the death regrettably of Brittany Murphy, another quite attractive and fairly talented actress who had totally unneccesary plastic surgery and suffered as a result.... but will her death halt the alarming rise in cosmetic surgery.... ??? now, I understand some people's need for such procedures... a cousin of mine, for example, who suffered serious burns, or women who have had mastectomies... but I fail to see why anyone would risk death and serious injury to change the shape of their nose... especially when, without exception, most of them look worse afterwards.... but then, I have always been very happywith the Beard's body, unshapely as it is... but we all live in a world of dissatisfaction, forced on us from above by those who can profit from us... but the sooner we can all just accept that we are who we are, then we'll probably all be a lot happier... or possibly not....

anyway, the only other thing to say on the subject, is that the Bhujon Tandoori in Coalville does a lovely curry, and that my goose will tomorrow be well and truly cooked... so, until we can all be as goosed as the next man, Wisebeard salutes you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

Chihuahuas, cheesiness and chilling prophecies...

so, today the Beard was faced with the prospect of bar snacks... including the oddly named chihuahua nuts... one can only hope that these are indeed some sort of seed or legume, and not at all what they seem.... but regardless, food has been a bit of a preoccupation for the Beard over the weekend... indeed over most of his life... but already I digress....





saturday saw the future Mrs Beard, Beard Junior and myself on a cinematic expedition to peruse a film described as "a bunch of weird religious fanatics being proved right...." and ended up with a very entertaining, highly flawed and cheesey three hour b movie called 2012..... and entertaining it was, with at least one surprise.. no two... without wanting to spoil anything, Noah didn't end up being who I thought, and the tsunami wasn't ridden.... and the bad science was mentioned a couple of times, but thankfully mainly ignored, which actualy makes three... but nevertheless....



but while the film was an unenlightening but entertaining interlude, the pre-film meal was possibly less so.... dining at what I believe to be a mexican chain restaurant, we were all unpleasantly surprised when the red snapper, far from hailing from the sunny climes of the gulf, appeared to have holidayed in the arctic... it was, in fact, so solid that even a fork failed to penetrate... a fairly long wait for chilli later, the FMB was finally eating, my chilli and Bj's ribs finished off long since... to be fair, the chilli was passable, and the sauce on the ribs quite nice, but the whole experience was decidedly unedifying.... and the bill was wrong.... for some reason the manager thought that letting us have the chilli free while still cjarging for the unedible more expensive fish was a good deal... in the chain's favour, the young lady waiting our table was very apologetic, and helpful... but to be honest, the meal did not come onto my do-again list....

Sunday, however, gave us two very nice eatings... firstly, a stop at the Society Cafe, part of the ever loving Co-op movement, gave us a lovely breakfast (eight items for £2.75... bargain..) and, after a rainy, windy walk in Bradgate Park, a short ride to Cropston took us to The Badgers Sett, which fortunately was not surrounded by smelly piles of old bedding.... a nice fire, a sit in the warm, and a lovely game casserole, which was everything it should be, and a mixed grill for BJ, which was demolished with relish... and prices not too bad either.... on a par with the mexican place, but far more worth it....

anyway, after that brief foray into the world of michelin, it is time for bed.... so until we all are game for casserole, Wisebeard salutes you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

just a quickie....

So... yet another weekend of days, nights and other things.... so farthe Beard has driven riven and liven... but not necessarily in that order... but still he types away, wondering exactly waht he can put to make people interested in this blog, then deciding that he's as bothered about the interest of te general public as the banks are... and on te subject of banks... the Beard has always had a rather ambivalent relationship with banks.... I'm a great fan of Martin Lewis's lovely saying... "The Bank is not your friend..." now, having been charged badly by one bank (they wrote me a letter warning me that i may become overdrawn, and the charge for the letter overdrew me, etc...) and messed about awfully by others, i was surprised when my bank offered me the unbelievable offer of a new accoount with many benefits that i didn't need for the low sum of 30 quid a month.... now, adding up my home insurance and rac cover comes to a lot less than that, and with more cover, but the icing on the cake was the mention of insurance against identity theft.... as I said to the assistant manager who was attempting to sell me this, i have no worries about my identity being stolen... after all, if anyone pretending to be me can get a mortgage, credit card, or even the loan of fifty p till next wednesday, my first question will be how they manged it, seeing as the banks have been resisting my attempts to get said items for many years..... in fact, if any identity thieves out there want my details, I'll split any proceeds fifty fifty.... as i said to the banker, if they want my identity, they're welcome to it.... but I digress....

Other than that, things are going well, and i'm not just saying that because of the future mrs Beard reading this over my shoulder.... despite feeling a little under the weather, and having a complete lack of internet access except at the weekend.... that will soon be solved however, sooner or later.... by fair means or fairer.... but it gets late, and the beard gets tired as do all lesser mortals.... so until all our laps are topped, Wisebeard salutes you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

News, views, and possibly a snooze....

and it becomes more and more obvious that rhyming is back again, mores the pity.. and with the Beard writing more regularly (albeit not on here....) with competitions agogo, a western in the offing, the prospective children's novel going very well, and numerous other projects on the go it would be hard to believe that the Beard has time for anything else in his life.... but lo... what is that on the horizon....???? well, to keep everyone up to date, a certain young lady has agreed in principle and actuality to become Mrs Beard.... and a shopping trip to the astounding jewellery quarter of Hockley, including several nice shops and one that resembled the worst kind of model railway shop (the sort staffed by a long bearded weirdo who really loves trains....) turned up not only a lovely ruby and diamond ring that quite pleases the future Mrs Beard, but also a pub serving mild on tap... which was quite a bonus....

but I digress.... also on the news front comes news.. which is surprising, but not particularly so..... but holiday time has now passed, and a trip to Anglesey resulted in a good time for both myself and beard junior, with an excursion to a nuclear power station, a closed model village, an encounter with sharks and a half built castle, and the revelation that although the word "albeit" is not in the dictionary on my phone, for some reason both "imaginarium" and "Parnassus" are... which begs the question whether Terry Gilliam is in fact T9....

terry is, of course, as none of you know, one of my favourite writer directors, especially in that I find all of his work flawed... which may sound strange, but i at least know what I mean... and that's the main thing.... but the Imaginarium I found to be a great story... being a great fan of deals with devils, it had to be really.. and Lily Cole was fantastic in more ways than one.... and as for Heath Ledger... despite his being mainly a supporting role, he was fantastic as Johnny Depp... or was that the other way round...???? But whichever, and flawed as it was, definitely one to watch... but my main news must remain the great honour my young lady has done me by agreeing to marry me.... and also by treating me to beans on toast.... but that's a story for another time...

it remains to say that i am, as requested, attempting to write in paragraphs, despite the stylistic problems this causes... but as the stylistics have not bothered the charts for some time, I think we can discount them... and all that remains is to say that the Beard is very much in love, and that until all of us can be as happy as the proverbial Mr Grayson, Wisebeard salutes you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

Made with real ingredients....

or so the advert stated... which has made the Beard wonder whether there are products out there made of fake, or even worse, unreal ingredients.... but such a statement must rank with the head lice remedy that allegedly contains no chemicals.... which basically means a bottle of quite literally nothing... and brings the Beard to the question, why are so many people ignorant about science??....
Science is, after alll, a closed book to many... ome expect it to explain everything, while others believe it to be a lie... whereas those of us in the know are positive that we don't really understand all of it, but tht its the best of all the wort possible alternatives... now I'm pretty sure that I've waxed semi lyrical about the ingherent naturalness of mankind and all its doings, and possibly about global warming.... to precis, we're as natural as anything else in the universe, judaeo-Christian philosophy not withstanding, and therefore everything we do, whether nice or not, is also natural.... houses are as natural a termite hills and nests, and flushing sewage into surfer is as natural as owl pellets... and as for global warming, i think that as part of the gaia organism, our role is not that of a cancer, but of an antibody, warming the planet up for the next stage in its evolution.... true, we'll be wiped out... but think about what happens to the antibodies in your blood when their usefulness is ended....but i digress.....
I was once party to a conversation about Mr Men ice lollies, if anyone remembers them... basically, Ms a said to her friend Ms B, "they make a big thing about the added vitamin C, but they don't tell you about this ascorbic acid they shove in it...." for those who are already lost, google or wiki Vit C.... aand then there are these ad that claim "no E numbers," preying on those who are scared of siuch things, and who do not realise that all approved additives, including such nasties as strawberry juice and pepper have to have e numbers before they are used... and that all the nice no e numbers people are doing is naming the ingredients so that they don't have to quote the e number.... but again, i digress....
I thinkthe point the Beard is trying to make is that all too often it is far too easy to just swallow whtat we're told, rather than doing our own research... his leads to a whole generation who believe in chemical free food, and shampoo that can somehow feed dead tissue.... despite the obvious fallacies.....
Regardless of this, the Beard allegedly celebrated a milestone last week.... now, those who know the Beard will attest to the fact, that as a paid up grumpy sod, he sets not much store in birthdays, christmas, et al... but suffice it to say, the Beard was 40 last week, and was convinced by friends and a certain young lady to celebrate... so, the scout hut was decorated, and 50 of the beards friends and family descended for an evening of Blossom's disco and the Screaming Eagles, a local rock band who kindly provided some great music in return for a portion of fish and chips.... and for once, all the great pressies given over were actually useful..... which was great.... but it grows late, and it just remains to thank everyone who came, and all of those who didn't, and all of those who thought they did at some point... and to say that until we are all as old as we wish to be, Wisebeard salutes you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

it's september...

and the Beard was wondering about the illogicality of our months, days and possibly our hours.... as we all know, food is Saxon in the field, but french on the table... but how many of us have realised the fundamentalish dichotomy that has left our days english and our months roman.....??? to illustrate, we have a day of the sun, a dat of the moon, a day each for Tiw, Woden, Thunor and Frey, where our months are named for a roman dictator and his imperial nephew, a god of fever and someone two-faced... and some are rather unimaginatively the seventh, eighth, ninth and tenth months..... now, i here some of you saying, one of our days is Roman too... is Saturday not named after Saturn..... well, sorry to disillusion you classical buffs out there... its named after Saetere, who was possibly Loki.... who deserve kudos for teaching us how to grow grain.... admittedly, that was so that we could turn it into beer, but still..... nd I digress.... even the Germans, notoriously non adept at using latin, have stoopped to latin months.... despite the empire of Rome not actually conquering them... but then i lay the blame for tht squarely at the feet of the Church..... but my wondering was along the lines of not why did we change the months, but why did we not end up with latin days... the french got them after all..... Mars and Mercuri rule the days there.... personally i'm glad that we kept our good saxon days, and I must admit to hankering after our old months too.... and wondering why our Classical forebears, who we have been told ad nauseam were far more intelligent and cultured that our Saxon ancestors, seemed to run out of ideas when it came to naming months.... now, the Beard would far rather be celebrating his birthday at the beginning of Winterfylth, the time of felling trees for winter, rather than in the confusingly named Eighth Month (which of course is the tenth.....) at least the saxon names still have relevance to the time of year to which they apply.... Hot Month.... Easter Month.... Wolf Month.... Blood Month..... and they quite sensibly went from new moon to new moon, which is what a month should do..... and where the romans solved the problem of their 12 months not quite fitting the solar year by making their months unevn, the saxons and vikings simply had 13 of them every year, and kept the months and years eveer so slightly separate.... which to the Beard's eyes seems to suggest that they were ever so slightly cleverer.... but there we go.... suffice it to say, the Beard is not the only one that wishes for proper english months again..... and is also mulling over the idea of using paragraphs, a suggestion made to him by several aavid readers.... the problem being that such a stream of consciousness.... well.... brook of semi consciousness anyway.. doess not seem to lend itself to paragraphisation... although I did dabble with the idea of simply inserting a few line breaks in an attempt to imitate paragraphs..... but thought better of it.... but it does beg the question as to whether paragraphs would improve or disprove the beardiness.... and now, all that remains to be said is that Beard junior has started his gcses, a certain young lady is now filming in Dorset and Somerset, and the CYL's eldest will be soon off to the land of the Reconquista..... which leaves the Beard pondering on distance.... but of that, more later... the road is calling, and it just remains to be said that until all our months are as long as we would wish, Wisebeard salutes you!!!!!!!!!!!!!