Its that time of month.....

So... the 29th.. and the last but one poem of my one a day... its been an interesting experiment... I don't think I could do it every month, but its been valuable... and has given me plenty of stuff to work on... te idea of using Brewers was inspired... the titles and themes it gave me were nothing like anything I could have chosen... Cacoethes, Ptolemy, Below the Belt.... Master of the Kings Music... all sorts of stuff, and in line with my admiration of Tori Amos, most had something to do with that three letter word beginning with s... as Miss Amos says, that is, when we get down to it, possibly the thing that all else revolves around... after all, none of us would be here if not for that one thing! but I digress.... although I am reminded of a poem my mother taught me.. not sure of the author, but here goes...

Out of all the alphabet,
I love the letter X...
It stands for kiss
And naughty films,
And is one third of sex.

but there we go.. other than that, everything else seems to be looking up....our scouts came third and fourth in the district night hike.... well done lads! On top of winning the District quiz, this has boosted us no end... we must be doing something right...this weekend sees a survival skills camp.... skinning rabbits, plucking pigeons, building shelters... should be fun... then bank holiday monday.. not sure what's going on then... but I'm sure something will happen.... and I'm a step closer to getting my van... which is nice... but again I digress... until we all survive our own skills, Wisebeard salutes you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A traitor to my sex!!??!!!!!!????

So, I am a traitor to my sex... so says my young porter at work (but then he is a drummer....) "but why, oh Wisebeard??!!" I hear you ask.... or do I?? well, the main reason is that I have five Dido tracks on my MP3 player.... including "Life for Rent" "White Flag" and (one of my personal favourites) "Mary's in India..." so why does this,I ask, make me a traitor to the male brotherhood?? Simply that it is, in my co-worker's words, "whinging chick music".... now, this led me to think about a comment that was made about me at school, many, many, many years ago..... a comment that was meant as a compliment... a young lady in my Eng Lit class called me "unmale..." apparently she meant that i was not the typical man of the eighties, wearing trendy clothes and desperately trying to s**g all the George Michael fans (little did they know!!....) Then, a few years ago, another young lady (I seem to know quite a few, don't I.... more of that later... possibly...) called me Big Gay Kirk, in homage to the South Park character Big Gay Al.... apparently, again, this was a compliment.... it meant I was sensible, non-judgemental, and a good listener, while remaining fun , and as cool as a thirty-something ever can be in the eyes of youth.... a year later, another young lady mentioned that out of all the men she knew, I was most in touch with my feminine side.... again, a compliment... although most blokes are probably thinking, yup... big, and gay..... Now, although this has definitely meant that over the years that I have never lacked female company, this has always been in the form of friendship, some more platonic than others.... but although every single woman I have ever known, bar one or two, has complained about the men in their lives being too male, and expressed the wish that they could meet someone like me, none has ever put two and two together and realised that they have met someone like me.... Me..... which leads me to believe that although most women say they'd like an unmale, they either don't, or don't want to take the chance.... which brings me back to Dido.... why on earth does a bloke have both Dido and wobbly-head David Grey albums in his house, car and truck...?? because he's unmale?? well, I've never really agreed with that description... I never set out to be unmale, or a new man, or whatever,.. I just try to be a decent person, think of the welfare of others, and try to make them feel good... rather than seeing no further than my own pleasure... but back to Dido.... (please just tell us why, Wisebeard, you beg...) well, put bluntly, I was told by several aquaintances that if I were to play david Grey or Dido in thepresence of women, it would convince them that I was in touch with my feminine side, and a s**g would be guaranteed.... well, as someone supposedly in touch anyway, I can tell you that it doesn't work.... all that happens is that women think of you as safe, and blokes think you gay, or a gender traitor... perhaps with me its just a case of overdoing it.... a very incredible young lady of my recent aquaintance keeps pointing out to me that I occasionally sound gay.... which doesn't worry me....I'm not, not that it really matters... but I think she's fairly positive now that I'm not... even if I do like musicals and loud silk shirts..... but I digress.... personally, I'm a bit fed up with this sexist rubbish.... why shouldn't a woman like trains, and a man collect dolls... Lewis Prothero (the Voice of Fate) collected dolls....and in his own words, he was no wooftah.... in fact he was a Resettlement Camp Commandant.... but there I go, confusing V for Vendetta with reality again....

Which brings me to the subject of cartoons, and comics... I'm a fairly big fan, mainly of Japanese Anime, and some of the darker comic offerings.... early Judge Dredd, the Dark Knight Batman series, Watchmen, V, etc.... anyway, me and our young electrical sales person at work are both Anima nuts, and we were philosophising about the genre the other day.... after debating whether or not its ok to fancy Asuka and Rei in Evangelion (they are both 15, but neither are real.. they are just cartoons.... we both came down on the side of no, its wrong whichever way you look at it...) and whether Misato Katsuragi is sexier than Marlene Angel, or which of the Dirty Pair we'd prefer to marry, and other such serious topics, we got down to discussing why we prefer Anime to other animation styles, such as the offerings from Disney.... and we finally came u with the following.... I'm a comics fan.... and whereas Disney amke a movie with actors who happen to be drawn, the Japanese, being comics fans themselves, instead make a comic book that moves.... and that appeals to me much more...

But anyway, I have had one of the most fantastic days of my life today... but I'm not telling you lot why!!! In fact, this year, although only just begun, has rapidly become one of the best ever... if not the best... and to end in the style of the best sort of American morality comedy drama...

"Well, I guess we all learned something today..."
"Yes Wisebeard.... I learned that tomato ketchup doesn't count as a fruit..."
"I learned that I fascinate a certain type of woman...."
"I learned that Wisebeard is definitely not gay.."
"And I learned that Plan D is always the one to go for..."

Until we all become unmale, whatever our prior gender, Wisebeard salutes you!!!!!!!!!!!!

Back to Work....

Miraculously Wisebeard recovers... the healing power of Kind Hearts and Coronets, truly the second greatest Alec Guinness film ever... coupled with an afternoon of sleep, and a copy of Railway Modeller.... ah, yes, Wisebeard plays with trains!!!! Model Rail is the mag of choice, but Railway Modeller comes a close second.... and British Railway Modeling is very useful, but to be honest, I find it a bit snobby.... although they are now doing a "readers layout"section (think readers wives, but better...) and i am hoping to get my layout featured... I was told by my van porter today that he is convinced I have an orgasm when I see a train, and that he believes if I were given the choice between watching a Class 66 roll through the country and a s**g with Charlotte Church and Nicole Kidman then the trains would win... which shows that belief can be close to truth.... although had he said Jane Asher.... but more of her later.... it led me to think about why trains are preferable to women... I came up with the following....

1 A train will not complain if it sees you ride another train...
2 You can ride many trains in a day, and not be tired..
3 Trains prefer it you come before they do....
4 If you spend money on a train you are guaranteed a ride....
5Trains have there own in built protection system...
6Maintenance is not your responsibility with trains...
7 Trains will let you ride no matter how long and hard they've been working....
8 If you miss one train, there will be another along very soon...
9 trains will always let you go all the way, even on your first meeting.....
10 Trains don't mind at all if you bring some friends along....
11 Friends won't take the p**s if they find you riding an ugly old train....
And above all, they're a lot cheaper....

Earlier i promised more of Jane Asher.... I wishI could deliver, I really do.... due to her and Sarah Ferguson red hair is forgiven.... but I digress.... back to Jane Asher (who I last saw in the marvellous A for Andromeda remake, in a white lab coat and stillettoes.... but enough of that.. (and I daren't think of the McVities biscuit ads she was in.....) I know Paul McCartney is having a bit of a bad time at the mo, and I do feel a little sorry for the bloke.... but he did bring a lot of it on himself... I mean, his choice of women.... why anyone would marry a one legged model with a very troubled history etc I don't know, but lets look at sir Paul's earlier cock-up.... take any man in the country and give him this choice... a scrawny blonde vegetarian who won't let you have a bacon sandwich, or a horny redhead who doesn't mind getting her kit off in front of a camera and makes fantastic cakes.... well, I know who I'd go for, and she doesn't have her own range of veggie burgers.... anyway, with thoughts ao Jane Asher reminding me of Jenny Agutter and one of my formative moments, it is time to go.... Horny redheads and cake makers, Wisebeard salutes you!!