Bellies, Wellies and Tellies... but not necessarily all of them...

Now, the Beard has often spoken about women... occasionally to their faces... but I digress.... despite all this, the Beard's face has remained remarkably unslapped, mainly as most women seem to fear the touch of facial hair... but one woman in particular has come to the attention of the hirsute one recently... apart from the beautiful Mrs Beard of course...

That woman is a young lady called Nancy Upton, who in a fit of pique entered an American Apparel competition for so called plus size models, and did so with tongue firmly in cheek... Nancy is what our American cousins term a size 12, which to us Brits means she's about a 14 or 16... the average size fro an American woman, and to the Beard's mind about the right size for a woman... and yet the world of fashion somehow sees this as large... Having encountered such sizeism personally, and being disgusted by how a size 14 (UK) is for some reason termed XXL, the Beard got to wondering how this all started....

Now, many many years ago, when the Beard was not even an eye in his father's twinkle, artists would portray female beauty as curvy... what would pass today as fat... look at Botticelli's Venus (ooh err missus...).... she has a belly... and rounded buttocks... now, for some reason, today these are seen as unattractive traits... but why??

Well, one thing the Beard has noticed, and so, hopefully, should you... and that is this... that there have been several times in history when thin became the thing to be... and each time, the underlying reason was the same... oh yes, dear reader, it's time for yet another of the BBeard's cock-eyed conspiracies....

Back in the sixties a young lady known as Jean Shrimpton was allowed by the fashion world to take said world by storm... here was someone very different to the Mae Wests, Greta Garbos and Deborah Kerrs of the world... gone were curves, and in was thin... then came Twiggy (who looks quite hot nowadays, despite being on the thin side... but that's a story for elsewhen...) Now, Twiggy was even thinner, and the excuse used by the fashion people was that they wanted a woman who was more like a clothes hanger, so that people could see the clothes rather than the model... so far so sort of reasonable... but with it came a whole industry based on convincing women that they were fat, and that suddenly only thin women would be able to get boyfriends...

Most men, of course thought that the old, curvier type woman was far sexier... but such was the pressure from the fashion and media that eventually men stopped saying this, for fear that they would seem wierd... in much the same way that, after paying to see a boring movie, most people when interviewed will say that they enjoyed it.. especially if they are told that said film has had good reviews... but of that, more later....and so women started believing that they had to be thin... etc, etc...

But, says the Beard, this is not totally a modern phenomenon... it has happened at least twice in British history before hand, and the reason has been the same each time... Think about what else was happening around the Twiggy years... and while you're at it, think what was happening in the mid to late 1800s, and the late 1500s..

The answer of course is the threat of the emancipation of women... at the time of Queen Elizabeth the first, someone was so scared of having a strong female role model, and was so scared that women would emulate the Queen and want to run their own affairs without a man, that rather than this being an age when girl power came to the fore, it was an age of restrictive dress and lead based make up that made women weak and ill...

Fast forward to Victorian times, and we have a strong female leader... and women convinced to wear corsets that stopped them breathing, and being hidden away when pregnant...

In the sixties we had the rise and rise of women's lib... and a queen on the throne again... and as it became obvioud that she was here for a while, the whole thing got more and more subtle... now, women were actually being told to become strong and independent, to have a job and raise the kiddies, so that they too could become tired, insecure and grab for themselves their own poor self image... talk about empowerment....

And so we come to the era of Thatcher, when a very powerful woman governed, and it really went to pot... now women were told to conquer all, and break the glass ceiling, and were actively encouraged to become, well, grabbing and greedy... now women could be looked down on for even wanting to be a stay at home mother... how dare they not want a career... and so on to the present day, when women's own magazines sabotage the female populace's chances of happiness by selling them such role models as the odious Cheryl Cole...

Let there be no doubt... it is the women's mags that are mainly to blame, with their airbrushing and tweaking, and promoting certai expensive ranges of clothes as "sexy," when any honest man would tell the reader that they're not... the idea being that, when wearing said garments, if ones boyfriend is not immediately turned on, then it must be the woman who is staggeringly unattractive... because the clothes are definitely sexy.. the mag said so...

Mens (or lad's) mags are to blame only by following the trend... lets be honest... men don't really care if the models are airbrushed or not... or what size they are... or even what they look like, as long as they're in a corset and stockings... hey, at least the Beard is honest!!

Personally, the Beard would like to see less of it all... what's wrong with the natural look? Ok, possibly a bit of lippy and a nice dress, but evening out ski tones on a photo just leads to disappointment all round, both for women who feel they have to emulate the look, and for men who don't get what was on the label... it's bad for everyone... so the Beard says lets all just be happy with what we've got, lets be happy with what everyone else has got, and let's ignore those who wish us to hate ourselves for their own greed... And let's support Girl Guiding in their attempts to promote good self image among not just girls, but everyone...

But it grows late, and midnight beckons... so it remains to say that until we all love ourselves and each other, Wisebeard Salutes you.....

Back home......

And as the fairly great Carter USM said, the only time i get homesick is when I'm at home.. but I think that goes for a lot of us...but the beard that is wise has survived yet another summer camp, has actuially unpacked, and is back to the land of typos and wierdness... or even weirdness.... Lincoln keeps changing... but then so does everywhere... Beard junior had a great time interacting with literally thousands of Scouts and Guides from all over the world.... and he also got chance to see more of his family... and made a birthday cake.... old friend became reaquainted, nee friends were made, dates were blinded (in a manner of speaking) and all sorts of malarkey, which culminated in a wild round of the hokey cokey at shortly before midnight, and the beard being told off by a guide.. but more of that later... but the greatest news is that one of my greatest friends is moving away.. to London of all places.. long ago the beard imparted the following wisdom... that it is far beter to be at the bottom of the ladder you want to climb, than it is to be near the top of one you don't.... so he has jumped from the ladder, narrowly avoided breaking his legs, and begun the long climb up the rickety old wooden ladder of teacher training.. and good luck to him... i know he'll succeed.... i am wise after all.... now we all know that london, that seaported funk hole of cowardly kings from long ago, is a fairly pricey place to live... and on his combined income of incredibly little, the poor guy was looking forward to starving in the gutter amongst the homeless before completing his course. but luckily for him, his scouting experience and a natural resourcefulness has found an answer... he will camp... who needs a flat or room when the good will of the Scout association and a tent will do the job better... and to those who don't envy him the winter months under canvas, just remember that winters used to be a lot colder.... and many people even now, in cold areas such as siberia, and Mongolia live in tented accomodation, or huts that we would deem unsuitable for even our mild weather.. which I think is one of our problems in te modern world.. we expect too much.. now I for one would be quite happy living in a self built wooden house, similar to a lot of sports pavilions I've seen.. but i am weird... to me, the roof and walls would be sufficient.. the actual look of the place is immaterial.. as i believe i've stated before, a couple of old railway carriages in a field would do me nicely... but most people expect things that in my youth would have been out of reach.. central heating, lcd and plasma tvs... new carpets every couple of years... we thought we were lucky getting a house with a fire in the kitchen as well as the lounge! we never even bothered about having frost inside the windows of our unheated bedrooms.. and look at cars.. my Cortina in 1983 counted as luxury. high backed seats, wood dash, two tone paint... nowadays people expec aircon even in non luxury cars... but i digress.. the point is that these expectations serve not to improve our lives, but to increase our dissatisfaction with it.. but why should this be? well, we always strive for more... thats a human survival technique... but that drive has been, in my opinion, channelled in the wrong direction.. but by whom? for what purpose? well as my old dad used to say (and probably still does... ) if you want to find the criminal, just look for who benefits... chances are that's your culprit.. so who benefits from our dissatisfaction? well.. i shan't answer that.. part of wisdom is allowing others to draw their own conclusions.. but suffice it to say there is no way I'll be buying any televisions until my old cathode ray tube goes pop.... but back to being admonished by under 16 year olds... a strange experience but one possibly familiar to those of a scouting or guiding bent.. it occured whilst sitting watching the sun descend before ligths out....its one of the best times at camp, as its the time when many of the young people actually let go, and talk properly, with no bravado or pretense... I shan't reveal any secrets, but suffice it to say, its amazing how well the bonds strengthen... as I was told many years ago by a young guide, apparently it is helpful for them to have someone to whom they can talk about things... someone who they see as a friend, but older and more experienced ( and hopefully wiser) than their peers... someone who isn't their mum or dad.. I'm sure we all know that feeling.... and looking back my old scout leader was such a person.... someone basically whom they trust and feel comfortable with... now this session was going the way of most of them, when one of the Guides (for our scouts were camping alongside some very good guiding friends of ours) said to me that I was a bit naughty.. when i asked her to expand on this statement, she and her accomplice stated that it was very obvious that the beard fancies their leader, and that i shouldn't, as she's married... now, as the beard values truth above most things, this attraction was not denied... but as I stated.. I fancy Nicole Kidman.. and she's married too.... and I was surprisingly supported by another Guide, who simply stated that one can't help to whom one is attracted... which is true.. and it was finally agreed that it would only be wrong if either of us did something about it... and as an honourable beard ( and wise!!!) I have no intention of making a move on a married woman... but i hope that my scouts are as protective of their leaders as those guides re of theirs... but I digress... its late, and I ramble.. both blogs will be keeping everyone updated on the subject of capital camping.. among other things..but until we all lower our expectations and increase our happiness, Wisebeard salutes you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Canals... but no martians....

So, today while travelling between Ashby and market Bosworth we decided to have dinner by the canal.. I mean, why sit in some awful car park or main road lay by if there's somewhere better, that's even on a quicker route! So, while my oppo was phoning his mrs, I had a nice stroll while munching on cake baked to a milk free recipe by a certain young lady... which was lovely... the sunny towpath was soon shaded with dappled green light throughh the trees, and Ipaused, watching the dragonflies, whirligigs, and moorhens... In the peace and quiet I found a wrens nest, and surprised a brown sort-of stripy bird with a fairly long beak.. no idea what it was, but my friend at Polyolbion is looking into it... I seem to have been within nature a lot these days.. on saturday night I waas sitting aone in a field, waiting for parties of girl guides to come along.. I hasten to add I was manning a checkpoint for a night hike!! the most often asked question was whether I was afraid, all alone in the dark.. my reply was that i was not at all scared.. when asked to expand on my answer I replied that I was not scared for the simple reason that I was alone.....therefor ethere was no one about to harm me... also, as i mentioned a couple of times, i couldn't think of anything that could be in the fields that was scarier than me.. but i digress.... the main thing missing today was a canoe.... but i'm working on it!!reminds me of yet another anecdote.. while caoeing along the Wye many years ago, as a scout, one of our patrol leaders decided he was a bit cold in his canoe... so he lit his camp stove, and placed it in the bows.... unfortunately it melted through the hull, and he sank.. which just proves the old adage... you can't have you're kayak and heat it.. and with that, I think I'd better go... until we all paddle our own, Wisebeard salutes you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!