Inspired by Inspectors.....

Now, a week or so ago (really, the preposition in question should be "then", but now seems somehow clearer or more poetic... or possibly not... but I digress...) the Beard, if his paranthesis has not got in the way of your understanding, went to see the imaginively entitled sequel to "The Hangover," "The Hangover 2".... now, I've nothing against the tagging of numbers onto the original title in order to express sequelhood; it must be admitted that it does clear up confusion... who among you would have guessed that "Die Hard" was a sequel to the much earlier film "The Detective"... which technically makes Die Hard 3 into "The Detective 4", but that's by the by... in fact, if done skilfully, it disenables confusion from even reigning in the first place, just as Prince Charles's emittance of Prince William has disenabled a certain other Navally inclined prince from doing... possibly... although, when our American cousins are involved, their ignorance of all things numerical does get them confused... "Madness of George 3," anyone...??

Regardless, as is the way of sequels, the Beard went with an open mind, despite his long held acceptance that sequels tend not to be on a par with originals... the few exceptions that spring to mind are those where the sequel has embraced an entire new genre of film,such as "Aliens"... of which more later... Now, don't get me wrong... I have nothing against sequels per se, but it does seem that quiet a few are made not because the film needs or deserves one... indeed some most definitely do not... "Grease 2" springs horribly to mind... some films stand up better on their own.. "Cube" for example loses rather than gains by the addition of its se- and pre- quels... but rather they are made due to some innate need on the part of film companies to separate people from their money and their homes... the Beard is not alone in believing that the increased length of films these days, coupled with the longer period of advertising in the cinema is actually designed to give the government more time to bug your house and feed the cat while you're away... or possibly I was the only one to believe this... but probably not any longer.... but yet again I digress...

To get back on topic, as I'm informed I must say in this allegedly digital savvy world, "The Hangover" was rather a funny film, involving a particularly bad night out ending in Mike Tyson's tiger, or so I recall... my recollection is hazy... So the Beard arrived at the cinema expecting more of the same, but at a slightly lower standard, and was not necessarily disappointed... the film was, put bluntly, nowhere near as funny as the original... and the Beard knew this before the titles had even finished rolling... "How?!!" I hear you ask... well, with true Beardy benevolence, I will illuminate...

There is one phrase (or possibly a clause, the Beard being unwilling to consult his grammar book) that, when sighted at the beginning of almost any production, be it film, tv show, book or stage play, should cause the heart to sink, and the bottom to rise from the seat in search of a new pursuit... and that is the dreaded "Based on Characters and situations created by..." This invariably means that the original writers realy didn't want to do a sequel, and have been convinced by the sweet talk of money or the legalism of a badly worded contract to allow the sequel to be penned by several people who saw the original when drunk and didn't really get it at all... It is worse by far than the far better "Inspired by characters, etc...." This lattermeans that someone has taken someones work, and changed it into something that they think will be more amusing than the original author's attempts... for example, Patrick Swayze in King Solomons Mines, inspired by Rider Haggard but moved forward in time slightly and turned into a Saturday afternoon romp... fine... any modern day relocation and reworking of Sherlock Holmes... the list continues... but Based on... that means that someone somewhere wants a sequel doing quick and doesn't really care about the result...

A favourite case in point is Inspector Morse... now, the Beard is actaully a fan of Colin Dexter's morose copper, and was pleased when John Thaw portrayed him on television, despite them youthing Lewis and making him Geordie, and changing Morse's Lancia into a Jag... such things, along with showing the episodes out of order, can be coped with... when the Beard soured on the series was when, for various reasons, the producers decided to get people to write new stories for the series... all of whom got Morse's character wrong!! They had obviously seen a few episodes, not really understood anything other than "does crosswords, drinks beer, bullies Lewis, chats up a younger woman, solves crime..." and then wrote an episode... a bit like Peter Jackson claiming to be a Lord of the Rings fan, then changing or omitting THE most important bbits of the book... Elves at Helms Deep??!! No Scouring of the Shire??!!! Very much a WTF moment, or so I'm told such things are called in the vernacular... but yet again i digress, which must be a record even for oneself...

But anyway, when the Beard sees such caption, the Beard immediately knows that the film will be a half hearted copy of the original with no real understanding of it... a bit like the US presidency, perhaps... surfice it to say, the Beard really ought to walk out on such films, and dreads the day when he sees the words, "based on blog posts created by Wisebeard.." They'll probably be attached to some dire comedy film about Vikings and half of a comedy double act, and the main character will be hairy, wise, insightful, witty and charming... as I say, it will get the main character totally wrong... but anyway, the hour gets late, and after a night of babysitting and the Dirty Dozen ( but thankfully not babysitting the Dirty Dozen) with the beautiful Mrs Beard, and with a rather horrifying concert by the rather less horrifying "Notorious," one of whose players is a definitely non horrifying (dare I say otherwise!) lawyer of the Beard's acquaintance, to look forward to, all I have left to say is that, until our lives are all inspired by rather than based on, Wisebeard Salutes You!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!