Is it a bird, is it a plane???

No, apparently it's Super injunction, a pair of words that the Beard is getting slightly sick of hearing... now, as you may or may not know, and almost certainly don't care, the Beard is a not a big fan of freedom... but wait, I hear you all say, with resounding echoes from the bathroom walls, we're sure we've heard the Beard use his freedom of speech to stand up for the freedom of the speech of others... and you'd be right... but let me just point out that the Beard is also a great fan of the public interest, and of society as a whole, but is a greater fan still of the great art of the compromise...

Some of us may be interested in the fact that some footballer of whom the Beard has never heard had some sort of sexual relations with some apparent celebrity of whom the Beard has also never heard... and, without meaning to sound uncynical, it does seem like a very good way to garner public interest and possibly kick start a career in Hello magazine... But sometimes common sense should prevail in these things...

Now, the hirsute one is no fan of deceit, but occasionally it can come in handy.. for instance, if everyone had been open and honest about their intentions between 1939 and 1945, the War (the one we apparently don't mention when the Germans are in the hotel) would have traced a very different course... and even now, deceit saves lives... but there are more ways than one to save a life...

I'm no fan of footballers either, but I accept that these overpaid shorts wearers have taken the place of famous generals and war heroes in our national subconcious and have become the role models for an entire generation... young men all over Britain buy overpriced trainers and support the hair gel industry as a result... which is, so I'm told, good news for everyone... if only it stopped there... but these men are role models in other ways...

The argument of the tabloid press, along with many others, is that if these role models misbehave, then they should be revealed and shamed for the public good, as some sort of object lesson in morality... which is all well and good, until you realise that it actually has the opposite effect... which the Beard feels may be deliberate, which brings us into the realms of conspiracy theory... but I digress...

When our young, tracksuited football fan learns that Strike Dribbler, or whatever our imaginary footballer is named, has messed around with someone he shouldn't, master Tracksuit immediately withdraws his support from that person, and lobbies the team to get rid of him, then determines that he won't do the same... correct?? Well, sorry, but no... more likely, young Tracksuit will still buy the season ticket and the Strike Dribbler shirt, and conciously or unconciously mimic the behaviour of his hero... especially when the oman in question is later "revealed" by the same tabloids to be a money grabbing fame hungry publicity seeker....

If the tabloids exercised restraint, however, and kept to the spirit of the law as well as its letter, then the scenario is quite different... Strike Dribbler is the clean living footballer who doesn't get drunk and smash up hotels, and is faithful to his wife and kids... now, who's going to suffer if young Tracksuit grows up emulating that behaviour..??

Of course, the whole thing would rely on discretion, particularly that of the participants... now, the beard is not laying all the blame at one door, as it most definitely takes at least two to tango, but at least half of the blame lies with the other party, the money-grabbing, fame-hungry etc etc... if they were to maybe have a quiet word in the right ear and get paid off, well, surely the better for society... but then of course they wouldn't have the fame that is theirs by right, and is of course the only thing that young women should be aiming for in their lives according to those founts of all wisdom that spread the word... as we all know, the only way to feel worth anything is to be famous...

But, I hear you all yell, wouldn't this all just be dishonest? well, the beard's favourite teaching mechanism, Lies-to-Children (of which, more later) should tell you that sometimes the truth is less important than you may think, and is certainly often less useful... and who knows, maybe some of these overpaid celebrities would see tales of their virtual, perfect lives and think to themselves, actually, maybe I could have fun behaving like that... and the problem would solve itself... but it would need people to act responsibly, and we all know the chances of that occuring...

But the beard grows shaggy, and the clippers beckon, so, with a kiss blown in the direction of Chelsea and the lovely Mrs Beard, it remains to say that until we all become responsible, and all our injunctions take on superness, Wisebeard salutes you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!