Happiness, and the lie of altruism.....

Now, those who are aware of the Beard, and some who are not, will know that our hirsutely faced wisdom speaker is not a believer in altruism... not to say that he does not believe in doing good, and helping others, even at the expense of personal gain.. oh no.. but the whole idea that we can somehow go against nature and do things that help others and bring no benefit to ourselves.... let me explain.... first of all, I believe that altruistic acts simply don't exist... all acts are acted for benefit.... pure and simple... the problem is that we are so used to seeing ourselves as individuals, and (for some strange reason) something special, that we fail to understand that when we put ourselves out to benefit others, we are doing it, conciously or subconciously, to benefit our species.. and whta benefits our species ultimately benefits the individual...

If nothing else, performing an act that helps another but inconveniences yourself causes others, not necessarily the beneficiary, to become better disposed to the helper.. this then increases the amounrt of help that the helper could possibly receive in future.... so the act ceases to be altruistic, regardless of whether the person involved sees it as so...

But lets be honest with ourselves... there are not many of us who do not have in the back of their minds some ulterior motive, no matter how well hidden... for most of us its some vague belief in some afterlifely reward... personally, I'm honest enough to admit that i only help others because I accept that its a species survival trait, and that I always get something out of it... I end up feeling happier... and that to me is a good enough reason...

Or is it? Personally, the Beard has always been at least slightly Macchiavellian in his outlook... I'm a definite believer that the good end justifies the means... and if people get helped, does it matter that the person helping is doing so merely for his own kicks?? Well, some of you out there probably think that it does matter.... and possibly it does... but, be honest... if you were stuck in a ditch, would ou refuse a hand out from someone who admits that he's helping you simply because it makes him feel good?! Is that better or worse that helping someone because you are paid to? Apparently so... I was told a while ago that helping people in exchange for money is at least "honest" in a way that helping for kicks isn't.. which I think says all you need to know, at least on that subject...

And on the subject of subjects, the Beard admits that while he is a fan of prounouns in the subject, he somehow objects to them in the object... but that's by the by... suffice it to say that the Future Mrs Beard is now winging her way back to the arms of Beard, and the Beard is feeling happier by the minute.... so he'll sign off now, pausing only to say that until all our subjects are objects, and our means are end justified, Wisebeard Salutes You!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dennis Moore.....

Who, in the words of the possibly immortal Mr Python, did indeed rob from the rich and give to the poor, much as Russell Crowe attempted to do in the recently Beard-viewed Ridley Scott epic, Robin Hood.... better by far than the awful Forestry commission bound Prince of Thieves, if only because it has the audacity to invent a French invasion, the landing craft, a whole new legend of the Hooded one, sideline the Sheriff, and keep a straight face while intoning towards King John that "an Englishman's home is his Castle...." Pausing only to remember that his own father wrote the thing that might have become Magna Carta, Russell Crowe and his accent gallivant from one side of the channel to the other, pretend to be knights, hold a folk rock night in the hamlet of Nottingham, a smallholding of only 5000 acres or so.... which to the Beard's memory of such things is a quite impressive seven and a bit square miles... or around a quarter of the size of todays current city.. a fairly healthy holding, although Cate Blanchett tries several times to play it all down.... but, like Crowe's accent, she doesn't fool anyone.... at least Terry Scott... sorry, Mark Addy, as Friar Tuck makes a good go of being properly Hoodie.... and very near comes close to saving the film... apart from the fact that I kept expecting to hear him utter "oo er... crumbs..." all the time... perhaps Mr Addy may be pleased at the resemblance to the immortal Terry... personally i would, if only because of June Whitfield.. but I digress....

Now, Hollywood has a habit of taking perfectly good stories, legends and History and making a complete cock up of it.... and usually for no good reason... The Beard is of the opinion that those lovely Orange adverts have it right...you know the ones... but it seems that at least one person in the land of capped teeth and Caesar salads (Tell me on a Sunday anyone??) believes that stories that have been doing the rounds for hundreds of years can be improved by ignoring most of the content... and who knows, they could be right....

Now, the Beard could cope with this if the alterations actually improved or at least didn't affect the storyline... but, as in the case of Robin Hood, it appears that someone wrote a medieval drama, couldn't sell it to anyone, and so altered the names of the main characters in order to get the film past the beady eyes of the execs... which is a good ploy admittedly... and is apparently very necessary... but why, I hear you ask...

And the answer is simple... it's the fault of the audience... that's right... its all down to us.. honestly... the beard has often said that paradoxically we all seem to like something new, anything fresh and virgin, to quote the divine Ms Amos, yet we also love to stick with what we know.. so, in the early days of cinema, whatever was on was an experience... but even then the filmakers made movies of popular books.. but at least some of them tried to put new stuff on, and peope went to see it, simply because it was on... but as time went on, and going to the flicks became commonplace, so the films became a bit samey... and because of thsi dichotomy, we end up with peopel who have a new idea having to hide it within a new story... who wants to see a film about medieval intrigue that wasn't a best selling book?? the money men will say.... but who wants to see a film about Robin Hood.... well...

So the Beard lays the blame squarely at the feet of the general public... and still decries the heinous act of changing perfwectly good storylines for no good reason.... take Peter jackson's Lord of the Rings.... now, the Beard is the first to admit that removing one of the encounters with the Black Riders in the Shire was fine.. after all, how many times do we need to see the nail-biting Hobbits hoiding under a tree.... and the general public can probably do without the Tom Bombadil/Barrow Downs episode, despite it being one of my favourite bits.... but missing out the Voice of Saruman and the Scouring of the Shire is, basically unforgivable... as was making Grima fairly pointless.... if anyone wants a discussion as to the significance of this episode, drop me a line.. and as for the elves getting to Helms Deep... well, don't get me started....

The Beard's favourite electrical sales guy and the Beard himself often bemoan the fact that Hollywood has no idea how to redo Anime films.. the only two that the Beard can remember being any good being Crying Freeman and Blood;The Last vampire... and of course, we all understand Alan Moore's reluctance to put his name on movies adapted from his work.... Watchmen was basically ok, admittedly, but V for Vendetta remains unwatchable to fans of Moore's original...

But as I say, it's our own fault.. if the general populace were willing to take the occasional risk, then maybe we would see more and more originality.... but that's probably asking too much... after all, go to any cinema as the filmgoers are coming out, and ask their opinion of the film... 99% of them will sing its praises... 80% won't be able to tell you the plot, but that's by the by... the rest will be made up of people who don't want to appear different, poor people who don't want to admit that they just spent a couple of days pay on being bored... but that's folk...

Still on the subject of films, the Beard and his future Beardess went to see the almost certainly execrable Sex and the City 2... which admittedly had its moments... there were moments when Sara Jessica Parker was off screen, which is a bonus in anyone's book, and then there was the cameo from Miley Cyrus... which was worth the admission price alone... now the Beard never used to rate the young Miley, being more of a Hilary Duff fan... but then apparently 75% of us will have mental problems at some point.. but I digress.... but all in all, it wasn't the worst way to spend an evening... and at least the only sportsmen featured were rugby players... which was a merciful relief.... and at least among the racial stereotypes and awful clothes, there was at last the hint that, as the Beard has suggested in the past, Sex and the City is not as liberatingly feminist as it always made out.... but is in fact the exact opposite... but at least it wasn't football....

The Beard has luckily managed to escape said overrated playtime so far... not one game have i seen, not one score do i know, and my life is no worse for it... several have attempted to inform the Beard of the progress of the England team, and I am sorry to say that i seem to have perfected at last the skill of not actually taking any of it in.... now, if I could do the same for all useless information, perhaps the friends of hirsutery would be happier... or perhaps not...

The emphasis on football has however re opened the whole thing about heroism.... now, call me churlish if you dare, but a bunch of overpaid nancy boys kicking a ball about and taking time off from injuries that the average kickboxer would ignore doesn't seem all that heroic.. and to suggest, as one newsreader did that somehow these short wearing millionaires would somehow save the country seems at the very least naive, and in my opinion insulting to the thousands of men and women in HM Forces who are actually charged with that job for real... now I'm sure that if kicking a ball around a field really could save our country, the boys and girls in the Army Navy and Air Force would be the first to buy some studded boots.... and to be honest, if the Beard is to believe the little he listens too, if it was down to the England Squad to save us, we'd be ruled by a different country each year.... which may not be a bad thing.... but yet again I digress...

So to sum up... try something new, don't worry about sport, give a big cheer to our lads and lasses in DPM, and various blues, and please please please lets start bigging up real heroes.... and as a postscript, the Future Mrs Beard and the Beard's tent are up in the Outer Hebrides, a lovely part of the world... of which more later... but until we stop hailing zeroes as heroes, Wisebeard salutes you!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nights, rights and fights...

And after perusing his rhyming dictionary, the Beard yet again comes up with some vague and puerile ideas of a tedious yet irrelevant subject to partially write about.... but there we are... now, a lot is said about the rights of the community and of the individual... and lets be honest, it doesn't matter when i'm writing this, there's bound to be something in the newspapers about this, even if just in the Star and the Mail... but i digress...

the point is, as anyone who even vaguely has an awareness of the Beard knows, the hairy blogger is in fact an anti-rights campaigner... yup, that's right... the Beard is actually a firm believer that rights actually muck everything up big time.... now, my biggest problem with rights is that it seems totally impossible to give someone a certain right without it either impinging on someone else's or being impossible to enforce....

for instance, gay people (and I have nothing against them) apparently have the right to get a full and proper Muslim wedding.... but the Muslims (and again, i'm not anti muslim...) have the right to freedom of religion and conscience... and their religion and conscience tells them that homosexuality is wrong.... so, whose rights come out on top? Well, seeing as both groups have the right to fair and equal treatment, it leaves us with a sticky impasse... we can't enforce the gay rights without stamping on the islamic ones, and verse visa..... and this is the problem.... and that's just one case... how about the supposed right of everyone to have enough food and sufficient shelter.... that means that no one should have to pay for food and housing, if followed to its logical conclusion... then there's the right to.. and so on... the sort that affects us most often though is the one where a person exercises his rights to the expense of anothers... for instance, a man's right to smoke in the park versus another's right to breathe unpolluted air... the right of someone to play loud music opposed to the right of another to have a peaceful kip... the right of one to cut down a tree opposed to another's right to enjoy the shade... and this is where rights really fall down....

So, what is the solution.. if indeed there is one...?? well, i firmly believe that what we should do is get rid of rights altogether... and introduce a system of privilege and rresponsibility... did i say introduce?? Well I should rather say reintroduce... after all, that's what we used to have, before those with the privileges turned them into rights in order to keep those perks without having to exercise their responsibilities.... now, it should be pretty simple to make up a code of conduct that fits our society.. or indeed any society.. lets be honest, a bunch of six year olds at my Beaver Colony can manage it, so you'd think so called adults could... we could start with "It the responsibility of a person to respect the wishes of others and consider the impact of his or her actions on other people..." that's pretty easy, and possibly obvious.... and would lead to a lot less antisocial behaviour.... tied with this, a list (almost certainly longer ) of the privileges that go with keeping to the code.. for example, the privilege of being paid in exchange for work, and the privilege of free movement throughout the world, or the privilege of eating sufficient food to sustain life...

Now the crux of the matter.. we make it the rule that if anyone in society reneges on their responsibilities, they automatically lose all their privileges... not just a few, but all.. this is not a pick and choose exercise... now, that may strike some as harsh.. but it may encourage people to think a little more about others rather than harping on about themselves... and it would lead to a better society.. if people know that responsibility is a part and parcel of life, it can't be a bad thing....

But I hear you all say, doesn't this bode badly for victims of the abuse of human rights?? Well, not really.... because the rulers will be bound by the same responsibilities as their subjects.... which means that if they forget those responsibilities then the people will be able to take the rulers' privileges away.... with a lot more ease and freedom of conscience than they have now.... which must be a good thing....

Now a natural adjunct of this would be the reintroduction of outlawry.. and lets be truthful, this does not mean running about in the woods looking glamourous in tights... no, better than that, it means that if a person breaks the law, then the law in return refuses to give that person its protection.... now, imagine the consequence.... if a person obviously and provable breaks the law, then that person can be trated in any way shape or form.... so, if you catch a burglar in your house stealing, then heaven help him, cos beating him up will not be an illegal act.... in fact, the victim would actually be perfectly allowed to take stuff off the burglar in recompense... sound good?? well, the only thing that stops us having a society based on personal and societal responsibility is our insistence on having rights.... so it should be obvious to all what we should do....

But on to lighter topics.... for instance the growing length of the days and the Beard's hair, mainly due to his having left his hair clippers in Solihull... but these things are indeed like circuit judges... sent to try us.... but I digress.... but it would seem that at some point our inaccurate measuring of days and nights will one day catch up with us... and hopefully when it does, it'll be good news for some, if not for all....

Now, on the subject of good news and of course good olds, last week saw a lovely trip in the hot sun to Dovedale, and the heights of Abraham, where the Beard and the Future mrs beard rode a cable car to the summit, went down a cave, and did other such Derbyshire related malarkey.... and a good time was had by all.. Beard Junior and future younger Step-Beard have been doing well in their respective examinations, and beard Junior has been gaining useful and paid employment as a general labourer... which is nice, as the idiom goes.... but the hour is not late for a change, so the Beard has not the advantage of a mind about to fall asleep, which may account for the budget deficit... lets be honest something has to... but there are things to see, places to do and people to go... so until we all have our rights revoked and our responsibilities evoked, Wisebeard Salutes You!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mills, Hills, Polls and Lols.....

Now, it so happens that the Beard has been exercising his democratic rights in the past week or so, and as a result, we now have a government which, although the same as the last one, at least has different faces.... In the Beard's homeland we have managed to get someone local to represent us, who at least has good taste in certain things (he eats at my local chippy, and drinks at the Beard's favoured watering hole, the Robin Hood of Swannington... of which more later...) although to be honest his taste in shirts does leave a little (but only a little to be desired... but i digress...

The previous weeks have unfortunately seen a dearth of Beard related blogginess, mainly down to the active lifestyle led by the said hirsute one.... a week in Anglesey with the FMB, Beard Junior and soon to be step -beard led to much fun and mountain climbing, as 3104 feet were gained.. but luckily not at the end of our legs... a close encounter with a low door beam at Beaumaris resulted in slightly pained hilarity, and other such malarkey....

Also on the menu was a trip to Manchester (of which more later...) and a weekend of Bank Holidayness and random Hotelery... including a stay at a very nice albeit almost empty hotel close to Keighley, and a less inspiring Travelodge.. but then, Travelodges are what they are, and at least clean sheets and a shower are guaranteed.... en route to said Hotel, a slightly circuitous route was followed, leading to a lunch stop at the excellent Deerplay pub on Burnley Road, Bacup in the lovely county of lancashire... stet among lovely moors, with thankfully no whiff of a chain and a lovely line in food.. the beef rag pudding especially... godd food, good scenery, good beer and cider, good friendly staff... good all round... try it...

And on the subject of food, any visitors to Nick Griffin's ex stamping ground could do a lot lot worse than visit what is possibly the best Thai restauant in the North of England, the Thai on Aire... Now, Skipton Road Keighley is not necessarily a place yopu would asociate with Thai food.. but it should be.. after a plate of mixed starters, a fantastic curry and other such delights, the Beard and the FMB were ecstatically happy and rather full.... and get gone from your mind the ides of the pack em in chuck em out Thai place... the relaxed atmosphere, the genial host (whose wine knowledge is really quite good, to say the least, make this possibly one of the best eateries the Beard has had the pleasure of noshing in.... a tip.. try the Chenin Blanc/ Riesling blend.. exclusive to the restaurant, along with lots of other top class wines.... you won't regret it.... trust me.....

Now, food was definitely needed over the weekend, as it usually is.. but even more so as Bank Holiday Monday saw the Beard and FMB, along with one of that beautiful personages work colleagues in Yorkshire, at teh 40th anniversary celebrations of one of the Wise one's favourite films, The Railway Children.... now, all should by now know of the Beards predeliction for the divine Jenny Agutter, and of his liking for trains.... mix the two, and it becomes an explosive love fest... I was especially glad to see an Austerity 280 8F running along, as well as the BR Standard 4... but was slightly disappointed that 957, star of the film, was absent due to brake failure... but the beard did still get a tour of said locomotive, which would have been impossible had she been running.. plus a waiting room encounter with Sally Thomsett, a BBC film crew and a Boom was an eye opener for the sheltered Beard.... but I digress...

A short lunch and a long, twisty drive followed, including the beard following a sheep for two miles (no comments, please) until the very picturesque and slightly picaresque Gayle Mill in Wensleydale was reached, where the beard had the honour of watching a newly restored water powered sawmill cut its first plank.... which was nice.... then it was back down the M6, leaving the FMb in North Yorks with the prospect of four more days at work ahead of her....

now, as you may recall, I started with the election, and I was actually attempting to make a pont, or even a point, but said sharp object got lost along the way.... suffice it to say that coalition, cooperation and cohabiting all have their advantages and disadvantages, and that until we all get as many elections as we can comfortably handle, Wisebeard salutes you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Clock Radios.... or the Radio Times...

Now, there’s a lot of talk (again) about not changing stuff…. The clocks and the radio to be precise…. It seem swe may be facing a trial period, backkd by those who call themselves the main political parties, of not changing back from British Summer Time…

As is to be expected, there is a lot of opposition to this move, not least from Scottish farmers, but also from the beard himself… however, on this occasion at least, our oppositions tend to have different bases….

The farmers bemoan the fact that keeping to BST will lead to them not being able to start their day midwinter until12pm, due to the mornings being darker; the Beard simply thinks that we have far too much reliance on artificial time keeping methods…

Now, the farmers’ objection itself begs two questions… first, what did they all do prior to the First World War when the clocks were never changed at all, and secondly, why, when farmers are supposedly more in touch with nature that the evil city-folk, do they insist on eing welded to this artificiality….

Now, to the Beard it would seem that the problem all started with midnight.. rather thnm at miudnight… specifically with when it was decided that the day would begin and end at an artificial point sometime during darkness… prior to this of course, men (and women of course) marked the day using easily identifiable markers… it either began with sunrise, or more logically (to the Beard anyway) with sunset…. After all, the world began in darkness, so it follows that the day should… but I digress…

So, in the Beard’s favoured system the daty begins when the sun goes down (and generations of teens and other merry makers I’m sure would agree…) now, you don’t need a clock to tell when that happens… now midnight on the other hand… unless you know the stars quite intimately (as Tristan almost certainly does… Stardust, anyone??) how do you know when midnight happens…. Midday, on the other hand… well, that, supposedly, is the time of the day when the sun reaches its highest point…. Again, an easily recognized marker… or is it??

Well, when it comes to GMT (as opposed to GMTV of course, with the lovely Penny and Lorraine… of whom, more later…) which as close as we get in this country to proper time, then yes, it is… nearly... but under BST, it is closer to 1300, or 1 pm to those who can’t count as well… when the sun has already started going down… now we know that messing about with time causes problems, and not just for Dr Who… jet lag, anyone…?? So why not keep the country on its nearly natural time… good old GMT…

Now, as fro farmers working in the dark… well, its an old profession, predating clocks and artificial time keeping…. In distant time, farmers (and indeed anyone else) got up at dawn, worked during daylight and packed up at dusk… then came the clock…. Which destroyed all this.. which in the beard’s opinion is not necessarily a good thing…. Now, I know that due to Eastenders and Basil Brush people think they need to live their lives by the clock, but surely for some it would e far better to keep to the natural rhythm…. After all, the cows don’t know that it’s five o’clock…. And yes, it woulds mean working longer hours in the summer, and shorter in the winter, but then who wants to be stuck out in the cold and damp, apart from possibly the Beard…

After all, the clock only came about due to the desire of a few to regulate the many… and the changing to BST was due to factory owners et al attempting to save money and valuable gas during the war… The beard suspects that many people’s unhappiness with working hours stems from this artificiality…. Especially with younger people, who we are told seem to have the entirely unreasonable attitude that as long as a job gets done well and on time, who cares about the actual time you get to work…. And I hasten to add, it’s not the Beard who thinks it unreasonable….

What is unreasonable in the beard’s eyes is the assumed fact that this move with BST is only being proposed to get us in line with the rest of Europe…. And that means that in a few years we will find that we use BST only in the winter, and that in the summer we will again put the clocks forward… so that, for instance, what counted as 1400 hours today (that is, 1300 hours GMT) will actually be 15:00 hours…. So, in august, when we are used to the sun rising at about 6, it won’t be up until 7… which, to those of us who want to live by the natural markers won’t actually matter… but I can see a lot of people (especially those blighted by Seasonally Affective Disorder) not liking it much…

Now, we all live in the middle of a digital revolution… broadband wireless internet and digital TV are here…. And the choice we now get is astounding…. I myself have digital freeview, and instead of not watching 5 channels, I can actually not watch nearly eighty…. Which is progress of a kind….now, the digital switch over in TV I can understand, to a certain extent… most people have bought into digital already… the stuff available on analogue is duplicated on digital… so why bother wasting energy and resources on the old, less watched, less choice system.?? True, in some areas reception was not as good as it could be, and there was the problem with recording something while watching something else, a problem now basically solved… but the radio seems to be a different matter….

If people are voting with their pockets in favour of digital tv, the opposite seems to be true of digital radio… first, sales of such seem to be slow, where sales of normal radios are steady… and its not due to lack of availability or advertising…. Signals (in my experience and that of others) are patchy and inconsistent, and the amount of interest not shown in many digital only stations is apparent mainly by the rate that said stations are closing down… and lets be honest, most people seem to change their tvs fairly regularly for one reason or another, but rugged radios are seen as a product that you buy and replace only when necessary…. Especially car radios…. And there is also the fact that digital radios use a lot more power than normal ones… just stick some batteries in a digi radio and see how long they last….

Now, as I say, switching off something that most people apparently don’t want is fair enough… that’s just business, and its why you no longer see Fry’s chocolate Sandwiches, and Cresta pop…. But switching off something that people obviously do still want seems to be a cynical attempt to force them to buy products that they obviously don’t want…. For if they did, surely they’d be buying it already….. apparently this desired closing down of analogue radio is to give greater availability of bands to the mobile phone people…. Which is pointless, because, lets be honest, everyone wants better signal on their mobile, but no one wants a phone mast near them.. so regardless of how much airspace is available, we still won’t be able to get a signal where we need it most…. But enough of that… I’m sure we all know where the Beard stands on NIMBYism…. So the less said the better.. (unless you insist, of course…)

So until we all get the reception we deserve at the right time for us, Wisebeard salutes you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the big stir....

So, last week fiound the beard and beard junior at a parents evening... as happens to the best of us... and during said evenoing, as often happens, also to the best of us, a long wait was had by all... now those of you who know the beard (and some of you who don't) will realise that other people have a problem with me waiting... mainy due to the fact that i talk to people.. even those i don't know... well, i got to talking with that strange type, the physics teacher... as all know, the physics teacher is a rare breed... in more ways than one.. but of that, more later.... anyeway, two such were discussing the recent Horizon programme, that asked if what we knew about the universe was in fact wrong.... and of course, the Beard butted in...

Now, as is the way of these things, the main question was why do some things happen that shouldn't... which is possibly a metaphor for life too... but I digress.... in the end Fred Hoyle and the steady state was mentioned, mainly down to its lack of mention in the programme, and one of the teachers admitted that they had a problem with the big bang.... struggling to avoid the obvious answer, the Beard opined that he too had a problem with it... so much so in fact that i don't actually believe it happened... and as for dark matter.....

To give you all a little background... I won't try to claim to be any whizz at physic.. I got a perfectly bad A level in the subject, and read New Scientist, etc... and thats about it... but sometimes it does a discipline good to have partly informed outsiders messing around... I mean, look at politics.. or possibly not....but anyway... dark matter seems to me to be a bit of a cop out... and if it exists we should maybe be looking for it closer to home... i mean, why does all this strange stuff have to be parsecs away?? the point is though, that I really have trouble with the idea that one uber particle exploded and caused the universe... my problem is not so much the usual "where did that come from" creationist stuff (although I am, to be fair some sort of Creationist.... creationism and science are not mutually exclusive...) no, my problem is that there is a much simpler explanation.. that does not need a particle turning into lots of particles... cos it would have to be a bloomin' big one..

So let the Beard introduce you to the Big Stir theory.... which has several advantages.... which i will come to later.... simply put, the theory is this... once upon a nontime (don't you just love stories) there was a load of stuff... and i mean stuff... according to this theory stuff is important.... now surrounding this stuff was other stuff... it took up no space, because there wasn't any space yet, and it lasted no time at all, because there wan't any of that yet either.... it didn't move, because movement implies space and time.. but it did have an analogue of motion.... and it was "moving" about.... eventually it "moved" about in such a way that it did the analogue of swirling.... and the stuff then became arranged in such a way that it made space and time... as some of you may well remember, the Beard is a great believer that time is not the stage upon which we act, merely another of the players.... and so, as they say, the universe was created...

Now, the Beard is the first to admit that this theory has its own problems, but less so if you can get your head around acausal stuff.... and the Beard happily admits that he has, many times.... but to me, it seems to fit as well as the bang does... it explains the motion of matter, it explains the expansion of the universe (its not expanding, just moving towards the edges like the whirlpool in your tea cup appears to... oh, you don't have awhirlpool in your tea cup... well, I apologise.... but really, you should be blaming those who put the tea in Britain.... and I always suspect that they put it in the wrong place... but I digress....

As I've said, I refuse to accept that science and religion are mutually exclusive and incompatible.... in fact, or indeed even in fiction, it has always been the belief that the two are not even two sides of the same coin, but are in fact just different parts of the design on the obverse...look at the two... one attempts to explain the unknown, evokes powerful emotions, has leaders seen to be nearly infallible, sees itself as the only route to the truth and has millions of followers around the world.... the other is religion, which .... well.... does the same.... and if, as teh Beard believes (ssshhhh! don't use that word if there are scientists about!!!!!) religion is simply another version of that magical teaching aid "Lies to Children" then it seems to do almost as well as science in explaining stuff... because, lets be honest, most peopel don't understand how their washing machine works, let alone quantum mechanics.... and for most people knowing that God did it is just as satisfactory as knowing that a force we don't actually yet understand but is invisible and very powerful but definitely not God did it.... ad as i've said, the Bible itself agrees with most Darwinians, at least in the order that things happened....

But suffice it to say, I'm a fan of the Big Stir because not only does it seem to work scientifically, but it seems to satisfy most religions too.... to take the biggest, Judaism/Islam/Christianity (which are all the same, sort of...) they believe that in the beginning was chaos (the beards notime nospace of stuff) and that the face of God moved them (the stir...) as do the Japanese, and several others.... and if we can reconcile the two sides, all will benefit.... especially me....

But, as the Beard's mother has said, or maybe hasn't, enough of all that.... the Beard has been approaching things from angles this month, mainly because they are easier to draw than curves.... wardrobes beckon, as does a fancy vacuum cleaner, and the spectre of Maria Whitaker has reared its head... as it occasionally does.... and the spring is coming along (except where the autumn is) and the Beard's thoughts turn to the Future Mrs Beard, away in the land of haggis, kilts and bonniness.... and indeed of Bonny Ness.... entertaining the unwashed yet strangely spray-deodoranted masses..... and the Beard must confess a love for Scotland, despite having not been there for a long while.... in fact, last time there I may even have been Wisestubble.... but again I digress....

And for those who are wondering, and indeed for thsoe who aren't, the Beard is still struggling to see the movies that he fancies watching.... the Book of Eli and The Road have passed me by, and I'm assuming that the remake of Clash of the Titans possibly will... and try as a beard may, the Wise one is struggling to drum up any enthusiasm for Avatar... now, I'm sure its as good as everyone says, but the whole thing is leaving me cold.. I'm not sure if its the hype (which the beard never believes!!!) or the fact taht everyone I know keeps telling me how good the effects are without ever mentioning the plot, script or acting, all things far more important in my opinion.. but then I liked Blakes Seven, so who am I to talk.... but regardless, I sit here now feeling that if i do miss it on the big screen, I won't be too upset.... which must be wrong in some respects.... but anyway, the Beard grows tired, and feels it prudent to leave some for later... so until we all end up Big Stirrers, Wisebeard salutes you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now, the beard was defending one of his favourite films the other day.... the magnificent 8Mile, which is, to be honest, not the sort of film that many would associate with the Beard... but then, most people would prefer not to associate with the Beard.... and who can blame them...but I digress... for those who have not seen the film, suffice it to say that it stars Eminem, who I've always had a certain respect for, despite not being into this hippity hop stuff... but anyway, the rapper plays a would be rapper called rabbit, who can't rap due to stage fright.... now, I went to see the movie grudgingly, expecting a gang filled rap fest... really i should have known better....

as I say, I've always respected Eminem... from the little i've seen of him, he seems to be a quite intelligent and humourous man, with an eye for satire and irony... to my mind the film sends a valuable message to the yoof.... because, contrary to the general run of similar films, our hero's life does not change when he gets a pretty girl and becomes a rapper... no, it changes when he realsies that the girl he wants is not worth it, that some of his no hoper aquaintances are just that, and when he decides to grow up, and figure out what really matters... and that that is not bigging himself up to other rappers, but making sure that he looks after his family, and knuckles down to some hard work... and the main trigger for this, subtley and subliminally, is getting a job stamping car panels... during which he gains the respect of his immediate superior by knuckling down... and therefore gets enough self respect to overcome his stage fright.... also the film has great views of the unfortunately late Brittany Murphy in a leather mini skirt.... but of that, more later....

Valentines day has of course been and gone... and the Beard found himself watching a great concert with the FMB, after an incredibly lucky train related incident enabled him to actually reach the greta metropolis of Birmingham on time, despite everything conspiring to prevent this... and the Beard is not ashamed to say that he shed tears when he was presented with a beautiful poem by said beautiful young lady... a lovely chinese take away (with the almost obligatory crispy seaweed) and a fantastic night later, and the pair were shopping in Tamworth, and watching romantic movies together... well, Mama Mia and Zack and Miri make a naughty film anyway.... which was nice.. and later in the weekend, a stroll around a lovely privately owned country park where one would least expect it led the Beard to ruminate on the nature of nature... but yet again I digress...

talking of trains, a while back the Beard was waxing lyrical.. well, waxing anyway.. about the reasons that trains were preferable to women.. a view which hee has severely modified in these more modern times.... but in the interests of the non advancement of sexism, I have been working on the reasons why men are worse tahn a certain item.. of which more later... but it grows late, and sleep beckons... so all I will say now is that I hope your weekend was a s good as mine was, and that until all our valleys are blythe, Wisebeard salutes you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!