the big stir....

So, last week fiound the beard and beard junior at a parents evening... as happens to the best of us... and during said evenoing, as often happens, also to the best of us, a long wait was had by all... now those of you who know the beard (and some of you who don't) will realise that other people have a problem with me waiting... mainy due to the fact that i talk to people.. even those i don't know... well, i got to talking with that strange type, the physics teacher... as all know, the physics teacher is a rare breed... in more ways than one.. but of that, more later.... anyeway, two such were discussing the recent Horizon programme, that asked if what we knew about the universe was in fact wrong.... and of course, the Beard butted in...

Now, as is the way of these things, the main question was why do some things happen that shouldn't... which is possibly a metaphor for life too... but I digress.... in the end Fred Hoyle and the steady state was mentioned, mainly down to its lack of mention in the programme, and one of the teachers admitted that they had a problem with the big bang.... struggling to avoid the obvious answer, the Beard opined that he too had a problem with it... so much so in fact that i don't actually believe it happened... and as for dark matter.....

To give you all a little background... I won't try to claim to be any whizz at physic.. I got a perfectly bad A level in the subject, and read New Scientist, etc... and thats about it... but sometimes it does a discipline good to have partly informed outsiders messing around... I mean, look at politics.. or possibly not....but anyway... dark matter seems to me to be a bit of a cop out... and if it exists we should maybe be looking for it closer to home... i mean, why does all this strange stuff have to be parsecs away?? the point is though, that I really have trouble with the idea that one uber particle exploded and caused the universe... my problem is not so much the usual "where did that come from" creationist stuff (although I am, to be fair some sort of Creationist.... creationism and science are not mutually exclusive...) no, my problem is that there is a much simpler explanation.. that does not need a particle turning into lots of particles... cos it would have to be a bloomin' big one..

So let the Beard introduce you to the Big Stir theory.... which has several advantages.... which i will come to later.... simply put, the theory is this... once upon a nontime (don't you just love stories) there was a load of stuff... and i mean stuff... according to this theory stuff is important.... now surrounding this stuff was other stuff... it took up no space, because there wasn't any space yet, and it lasted no time at all, because there wan't any of that yet either.... it didn't move, because movement implies space and time.. but it did have an analogue of motion.... and it was "moving" about.... eventually it "moved" about in such a way that it did the analogue of swirling.... and the stuff then became arranged in such a way that it made space and time... as some of you may well remember, the Beard is a great believer that time is not the stage upon which we act, merely another of the players.... and so, as they say, the universe was created...

Now, the Beard is the first to admit that this theory has its own problems, but less so if you can get your head around acausal stuff.... and the Beard happily admits that he has, many times.... but to me, it seems to fit as well as the bang does... it explains the motion of matter, it explains the expansion of the universe (its not expanding, just moving towards the edges like the whirlpool in your tea cup appears to... oh, you don't have awhirlpool in your tea cup... well, I apologise.... but really, you should be blaming those who put the tea in Britain.... and I always suspect that they put it in the wrong place... but I digress....

As I've said, I refuse to accept that science and religion are mutually exclusive and incompatible.... in fact, or indeed even in fiction, it has always been the belief that the two are not even two sides of the same coin, but are in fact just different parts of the design on the obverse...look at the two... one attempts to explain the unknown, evokes powerful emotions, has leaders seen to be nearly infallible, sees itself as the only route to the truth and has millions of followers around the world.... the other is religion, which .... well.... does the same.... and if, as teh Beard believes (ssshhhh! don't use that word if there are scientists about!!!!!) religion is simply another version of that magical teaching aid "Lies to Children" then it seems to do almost as well as science in explaining stuff... because, lets be honest, most peopel don't understand how their washing machine works, let alone quantum mechanics.... and for most people knowing that God did it is just as satisfactory as knowing that a force we don't actually yet understand but is invisible and very powerful but definitely not God did it.... ad as i've said, the Bible itself agrees with most Darwinians, at least in the order that things happened....

But suffice it to say, I'm a fan of the Big Stir because not only does it seem to work scientifically, but it seems to satisfy most religions too.... to take the biggest, Judaism/Islam/Christianity (which are all the same, sort of...) they believe that in the beginning was chaos (the beards notime nospace of stuff) and that the face of God moved them (the stir...) as do the Japanese, and several others.... and if we can reconcile the two sides, all will benefit.... especially me....

But, as the Beard's mother has said, or maybe hasn't, enough of all that.... the Beard has been approaching things from angles this month, mainly because they are easier to draw than curves.... wardrobes beckon, as does a fancy vacuum cleaner, and the spectre of Maria Whitaker has reared its head... as it occasionally does.... and the spring is coming along (except where the autumn is) and the Beard's thoughts turn to the Future Mrs Beard, away in the land of haggis, kilts and bonniness.... and indeed of Bonny Ness.... entertaining the unwashed yet strangely spray-deodoranted masses..... and the Beard must confess a love for Scotland, despite having not been there for a long while.... in fact, last time there I may even have been Wisestubble.... but again I digress....

And for those who are wondering, and indeed for thsoe who aren't, the Beard is still struggling to see the movies that he fancies watching.... the Book of Eli and The Road have passed me by, and I'm assuming that the remake of Clash of the Titans possibly will... and try as a beard may, the Wise one is struggling to drum up any enthusiasm for Avatar... now, I'm sure its as good as everyone says, but the whole thing is leaving me cold.. I'm not sure if its the hype (which the beard never believes!!!) or the fact taht everyone I know keeps telling me how good the effects are without ever mentioning the plot, script or acting, all things far more important in my opinion.. but then I liked Blakes Seven, so who am I to talk.... but regardless, I sit here now feeling that if i do miss it on the big screen, I won't be too upset.... which must be wrong in some respects.... but anyway, the Beard grows tired, and feels it prudent to leave some for later... so until we all end up Big Stirrers, Wisebeard salutes you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!