A new year for some...

but not for others, as the Beard is often called upon to explain to those who adhere totally to the standard western calendar... As an example or several, we have the Chinese, Jewish, Muslim, Hindu, and Pagan new years yet to come... which is of course how it should be....

Now, as you may or may not know or care, the Beard of course adheres to all sorts of sticky things, not least of which are honey, treacle, Airfix glue and the belief that the world began with darkness and cold, meaning that the year should also... now, to those of you who wish to point out that it just has, well, the point I must concede to a small extent, whilst simultaneously mentioning that it has been dark and cold for quite a while, and the days are actually getting longer and lighter.... so the Beard is going to wish you all a Happy Newish Year, smug in the knowledge that we are already just over two months in....

Months, as i have mentioned (or not.. the choice is yours) are strange things... allegedly following the phases of the moon (hence the name... honest guvnor...) they actually don't... at least in the commonly used 12 division calendar that most of us know and love... or at least use.... common sense tells us that unless the moon occasionally has a lie in, then his travel around the good old Earth is actually very regular... no 30 and 31 day months for him... oh no.... and, I must admit, they're not for me either...

No, the beard here admits that, werewolf-like, he lives his life according to a regular, 28 day cycle... and not one on which the gears clash and the chain breaks.... no, the Beard begins each month with the new moon, and finishes accordingly... which gives him 13 months in each year... at least....

Now, this actually ties in quite well with my employer's "Lunar Payroll" in which we get paid once every four weeks... meaning that most years we get 13 pay days, and in what you lot out there know as 2010, we actually managed 14... but I digress....

this obviously has advantages and disadvantages.... for example, direct debits can be, if not a nightmare, at the very least a slightly uncomfortable dream which ends with a sheet half off and a slobbered on pillow, as actual pay dates alter every month, and can seriously overtake the dates bills are extracted... but, as most bills seem to be paid every calendar month, it does at least mean that in one pay packet a year, there are no bills to be paid... which leaves you no better off annually, but does work as a sort of savings scheme...

But again the Beard goes off at a tangent.... as I say, 13 months in a year makes sense to me, but not to others... "Aaah!" I hear you say... "Aaah! But 13 lots of 28 doesn't add up to 365, and the new moon doesn't always occur on the last day of the year.... to which I reply, maybe your year doesn't end with the new moon.. and maybe the beard is flexible enough despite his great age to have a 13 month period independent from the 365 daily cycle of the sun.... which, strangely, I am.... it seems to make sense to me.... if not to anyone else...

But all this is by the by... or possibly not... who knows... certainly not me... and definitely not the Beard, who, with the help of the Future Mrs Beard, the soon-to be-Step-Beard, the Elder Almost-Step-Beard (and his lovely assistant)and not least the mighty Beard Junior, has been spending his Yuletide fitting a kitchen in his new home.. yes, that's correct, the Beard has taken the plunge, and is now definitely, obviously and certainly a resident of the West Midlands, and is looking forward with anticipation and eagerness to the joyful day in April when the FMB becomes MB at last.... all he needs is a suit... and a speech.... and all sorts of stuff to be honest... oh yes, some rings would probably come in handy... but enough of that...

The Beard is phenomenally happy, and he has a sneaking suspicion that the FMB is also... at least, she hasn't hit him for several weeks, either with or without a blunt instrument... but there is still time... and at least the kitchen looks good... Dave the Builder and his crew have done a great job so far on the extension (ooh er!!) and the new cooker cooked... which is only to be expected... apparently...

But the hour grows latish, and bed beckons... a walk is on the cards for tomorrow, weather permitting, and the Beard is yawning, so it is time to once again wish those of you who have had one a happy newish year, and say that until all our new years become resolute, Wisebeard salutes you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!