But who's counting...???

So, the Beard had the possible misfortune of watching Stallone's latest action fest, The Expendables.... written by Stallone himself.. and in a way it shows.. not least due to the massive yellow "written by Sylvester Stallone" in the opening credits.... but I digress.... Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzennegger both paid for their new lavatory seats with a couple of cameos that increased the amount of acting in the film by approximately 300%, and I must admit that Jet Li did a very good Jet Li impersonation... but then, he usually does....

If you measure the excellence of films by the number of bangs (oo er missus) then The Expendables must rate as the best film ever made... seemingly a near remake of the quite good 70s adaption of the quite excellent Frederick Forsyth book "The Dogs of War", which itself starred the almost excellent Christopher Walken, Stallone's action epic does sometimes ascend to the heights of ridiculousness.... now, the Beard was never one for lists.. I've always seen myself as two for lists.... and when it comes to ticking boxes, well, the less said the better.... but the Beard managed to count no less than 127 action movie cliches in the short space of two hours or so... that's over two cliches per minute, which the hirsute one believes to be a record for the genre....

Now, cliches are not necessarily a bad thing... though I tend to avoid them like the plague... or even the plaque.... strange how having a blue plaque on a house is a good thing, but if you were to apply the same to your teeth.. well.... but I often think that we should be devoting some of our time as writers to inventing some new cliches... true, cliches can be overused.. lets be honest, its the mark of a cliche... but there must have been a time, back in the long ago, when cliches were fresh, new and interesting... someone invented them, and they caught on. and why?? the simple reason must be that everyone related to them in some way.... they were easy to understand, they spoke to people, people enjoyed them.. so we still use the most obvious similes, the stereotype, the action scene that we all expect... we're like Hobbits with their books... books that tell them things that they already know, set down fair and square with no contradictions.... lets be honest, who wants to waste several seconds of ther life trying to work out what something means, or being surprised by a plot twist...

Lets be frank, life itself is a cliche... people going around, doing the same things over and over again, exactly the same as every other person.... occasionally some of us attempt to break out of this cliche cycle, and for a few moments we do, climbing that mountain, diving in that ocean, visiting that distant star... but then we descend into the cliche again, roasting that dinner, sunbathing on that beach, watching that cliched movie.... some would say that was disappointing, depressing, in some way bad.. but not the Beard... as I say, cliche can be good... different is good, yes, but cliche is safe, comforting, easy to understand, and without some of that, our lives would be well, unsafe, uncomfortable, puzzling, and so stressful that we'd all die of heart attacks at an early age.. and that would be no good for any of us.... least of all me...

Now, over the last montha nd a bit the Beard has been out and about, visiting the wilds of Kidderminster, the milds of Anglesey, and quite possibly the filds of the West Midlands, if such a thing exists... and let me tell you, as hair grows upon my chin, they do... seriously.... but life has been quite active, with camps, trips and a dip in the swimming pool, where the Beard, FMB, FSB and beard Junior witnessed several unwitting displays of the standard homoerotic behaviour that is known as male bonding... a visit to IKEA (always spelt in capitals.. the Beard wonders if it is indeed an acronym, and if so, for what...) has revealed the shape if not the sound of the future kitchen, and the work on the extension (yet more oo but slightly less err missus!)has sort of begun....

The Beard himself is settling into domesticity at an alarming rate, so alarming that he ahs just realised that the old blog has lacked update for much much more than the regular monthish.... for which I apologise... although, to be fair, which I usually am not, my sort of faithful audience has probably been sighing with relief as a result... but this update, of appalling quality though it be, is at last here... sorry... but then, my lateness has probably become a cliche in itself, especially with those who have been kind enough to employ me over the past few years.... but then flexibility has always been the Beard's watchword.. just ask the Future Mrs Beard.... but yet again I digress.... and the Beard has other things to do... althouigh to be honest, I'm not sure exactly what.. but then I never am... so it remains to say only that we should remain safe in our cliches, and until all our filds are wild and mild, Wisebeard salutes you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!