Cultures, vultures, and the problem of free will...

Several things have come to the Beard's attention recently... unrelated things mainly, or rather things related only by the fact they are made up of human experience... as are indeed most things... apparently... Indeed, the inter-relatedness or otherwise of things has long been of interest to the Beard, as those who have had the misfortune of talking to the beard in the pub will attest... or not attest, depending on their attitude to attestation.. but I digress.... But then again, what is the world of human experience but a digression, the most major one most of us will ever experience... or not experience, as the case may be... but regardless, it seems that the topic of conversation in scientific circles is the old chestnut of free will... new genetic research or some such has cast the whole idea into doubt... it seems that we may not have free will after all... again... now, where the Beard, as you may not know, is, if not a believer in, at least a hoper for, free will, his take on the matter is this... in the final analysis, it really doesn't matter... But Why??!!? I hear you ask... or not ask, or some strange halfway house between the two... simply this... whether we have free will or not makes absolutely no difference to our lives... our experiences will be the same, our pasts will not change... all that will disappear is the illusion of choice... and, let us be honest,if free will does not exist, if we are indeed automatons, then we have in the apst been automatons with the illusion of choice... and that means that even if we now know that such choice was an illusion, then we can get that illusion back... indeed, it is probably hardwired into us... but then, carrying on with the whole theme, it must also be programmed into us to doubt our existence, doubt free will, have the illusion of choice and then lose this and regain it... or not regain it.. but the best that can be said is this... that if we are automata, or automatons, then nothing is our fault, and we can at least relax knowing that what we do is all we can do... if, of course, we are programmedto relax... And I think here that we have the reason that all of us desire free will... that we do actually like to be able to blame people for their actions... if we are not automata programmed to want to blame people for their actions.... but as I have said, it doesn't really matter, so I will continue to hope that we have free will, since that is what I was programmed to do... The Beard is a great believer in freedom of choice... not that I believe that all choices are valid, or that people should be allowed to choose to do what they wish... oh no, far from it.... but no, the Berad believes that we all make choices, and that we are all responsible for our own choices.... that's why he has trouble subscribing to the old Judaeo-Christian (a nd mainly Christian, to be honest) idea of the devil being the root of evil... evil, in the Beard's non-too-humble opinion, is simply the making of a choice that harms the majority, or goes against the agreed social code... and thus means that those who do evil are not the poor victim-tools of some supernatural being, but are selfish, odious scum... Take for example the nine men convicted today of running a sex ring in Rochdale... they knew what they were doing, and delighted in it... and now their lawyer is appealing against the sentence... not because he thinks they are innocent, but that he believes that the BNP were behind the conviction, possibly by perverting the jury... now, the BNP are not my favourite party, and this event shows to a certain extent why they should never be allowed to run a bath, let alone a country, but they are not to blame for any of this... it wasn't the BNP that coerced and forced girls, some as young as thirteen, into these acts... and neither was it the Pakistani community, or Islam... neither was it their parents... The race card has well and truly been played on this one... and the faith card... and the "uncaring parents card..." One of the accused even said that if the parents let the kids out on the streets dressed as they were, then the parents didn't value the girls... so why should he?? Peopel have claimed that this is "definitely" a Muslim thing... that Hindus would never do such a thing... but it's nothing to do with faith or race... partly it's a cultural thing, or rather a mistake caused by misunderstandings between cultures... a good muslim girl would never dress that way... or be out on the streets... but there are plenty of Muslim countries where they do and they are.... like the Birka, this is a culture thing... in western culture, showing legs is not considered a bad thing... in Pakistani culture it is... in Malay culture, it isn't... and a lot of them a re Muslim... and, like rude signs, the person brought up in a certain culture interprets the signs differently... when westerners see a young girl with slapped on make up, they think Jordan... when traditional Pakistani men see the same they think prostitute... but then, when peopel stare at us in the street, we see it as insulting or threatening, where I'm told in Pakistan it is jst seen as normal... but more than a culture clash, it is this... most traditional Pakistani men when seeing a girl dressed in skimpy clothes with too much make up would indeed think this girl to be a lower class of person... but they would then either ignore her so as not to associate with something shameful, or they would wish to help that girl get out of the shameful situation she is in... they would not see it as right to rape and abuse her.. and this is where it becomes a matter of individuals... much has been made of the fact that whereas most child abusers are white, they work alone, whereas this was a gang of men who knew each other... but then, there are internet rings of white men doing the same thing... and its not surprising that they knew each other... unfortunately, families are sometimes the worst environments, and people do have atendency to seek out acqaintances with similar interests... if these men had been in a white family, they would almost certainly have done the same thing, and to the same girls... it is mainly white girls who are allowed on the streets late at night, and who belong to a culture that sees alcohol as being necessary for a good time... and are therefore far more vulnerable... the truth of the matter is, there are evil people wherever you look, and this is their own choice... and where it would be nice to get rid of all the evil people in the world, it just won't happen... so we need to be vigilant... and more than anything we need to help people in vulnerable positions, by keeping an eye open for the signs, and butting in where necessary, no matter how rude it may seem... As the beard has admitted, he's not one fro the Judaeo_Christian_Muslim stuff, but the book of genesis puts in quite well, when YHWH asks Cain where Abel is... in essence, we are all part of the same human family, and we should all be our brother and sister's keeper... the maybe we'll all be happier... and please everyone, lets stop blaming bad things on race, culture and faith, and concentrate on the real problem... the selfish, evil men and women who choose to hide behind race, faith and culture, blaming these three blameless things for their own deliberately harmful choices... for without them, the rest of us could live a lot more happily... But my time for digressive behaviour is alost past... an early start beckons, and so does the beautiful Mrs Beard... so it just remains to say that until will is free, and you is me, and land is sea, Wisebeard salutes you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Faces, books, baces and .... well, you can guess the rest....

So, the Beard is on briefly on this auspicious day to help out all you hirsutery-followers who have been forced to have the new time-liney format on the old FaceBook.... while fooling around on the old Interweb thingy last night the Beard came across a wonderful site... and not the sort you're thinking of!! No, in fact, an entire page of amateur FaceBook foolery that allows amateurs to invent apps for the social netidling site for free, and gratis... and bingo, if the Beard did not find, hidden away in the back office, an amazing thing... an app that allows you to get the old style FB back again... albeit only until one logs out... but it does allow you to cycle from Timeline to old and back again.. so, if you are at all interested, got to.... www.amateurfbapps.tv/timecycle/01042012/lirp'~a/html.loof and give it a go.......

and until we all have a fish to call our own, Wisebeard salutes you!!!!!!!!!

The rules of the game...

Now, the Beard has decided, for the duration of this little thought experiment anyway, to call himself a Football Fan... and why not.... I think I satisfy all the requirements of fanship... after all, I've watched one game under heavy protest, and found it boring, do not support any team, have no idea who is in the Premiership, won the World/FA/European cup, have very little to no knowledge of the major personalities, have played the game while young because it was compulsory, but stopped playing as soon as I could, and, aside from a small general knowledge of some of the basics, don't claim to have any real understanding of the rules...

There are those of you who have actually read this far... others will have taken my lack of footballiness to be some mark of inferiority and stopped about line 2... but as you won't be reading now, I shn't mention it... those who are still here will be thinking, "hmmm... not much of a fan really then... by what strange twist does this hairy wierdo (or possibly weirdo...) think he can get away with passing himself off as a football fan... and the Beard expects masses of support from real football fans who have become inexplicably angry at those who would dare say that the Beard is not a fan... they will stand up in their hordes and say things along the lines of , "well, football is a very personal thing, and each person can be a fan in their own way..." or, "it's perfectly possible to be a football fan without any real knowledge or love of the game...." and other such baloney...

For as we all know, football fans would actually say that those who disagree with my definition of fanship are totally correct... a fan, they would say, has a team... knows the rules... attends the games whenever possible or watches them on tv... knows who the stars are....

Now let's replace football with Christianity... Christians are apparently very angry with a certain atheistic personage who has claimed that most alleged Christians actually aren't... well, lets look at the evidence...

All you Christians out there... a few questions....

Do you know the rules? You've no excuse really... they are written down in an easy to obtain book called the Bible... just a quick quiz then... where is Christmas mentioned in the Bible? What does God say about decorating trees? What did Jesus say to alter God's stand on homosexuality? Where in the Bible does it forbid the marriage of first cousins? And what about dietary laws? And how much of your hard earned money must be give to the church?

Stuck? Ok, then... lets go onto the stars... What did Micah do? Who was Jeroboam, and why didn't he like Rehoboam? Who was Simom the Zealot? How did Naaman get cured, and what of? Who wrote most of the letters that make up the bulk of the New Testament?

And now for the events... the FA cups of it all... what festivals does the Bible say you should keep? When is the Sabbath? How many days and nights was Jesus buried?

And attendance... how many acts of worship did you go to this year?? And if you count weddings, funerals and christenings, did you go to those through fear of what God would do to you if you didn't, or just because history and tradition has told you that it's the thing that you do?

Now, to the Beard, if you don't like football, or know anything about it, you're not a fan... simple... and fans would agree... and football is a game... surely a religion should be even stricter than that, simply because according to its real adherents it matters more... so a so-called Christian who knows nothing about the religion really shouldn't call themselves a Christian... because if you read the Bible, there is only one way to be a faithful follower of God, and that is to follow the rules... which leaves an awful lot of Christians with a choice to make... find out what the rules are and follow them, and be a proper Christian, or find out the rules and decide not to follow them, or even not bother finding out the rules at all... and in these last two cases stop calling yourself a Christian, don't get married/funeralled in Church, and don't get your kids (if any) christened... because if the Bible is correct (and I'll leave you to decide...) the punishment for not following the rules is the same regardless of whether you know them or not... and as an aside, its the same punishment for murder....

The anger shown by some Christians over this is telling in other ways though... by saying that you can be a Christian quite well enough despite not knowing or following the rules, these Christians are giving out two messages that they really shouldn't be giving out... first, that they don't have any respect for their God, and second that they are so desperate to keep the numbers up, even artificially... which is why congregations are shrinking in many areas... as any parent can tell you, the way to gain respect is to set boundaries and rules, and keep to them... and as Muslims can tell you, the way to gain worshippers is by showing your religion to do the same, and not change with the whim of the worshippers... the reason Islam is growing has nothing to do with brainwashing (well, no more than any religion) and radicalism, and an awful lot to do with its perceived integrity and its refusal to alter in the face of a changing world... Islam, Judaism, Hinduism, Sihkism, Jainism, and many other faiths refuse to change due to some perception of relevance... their worshippers are usually of the opinion that if the world no longer sees their faith as relevant, then it is because the world lacks relevance rather than their faith... Christianity could probbaly do with taking a leaf from their books...

However, the Beard has waffled on long enough... it remains to be said that the old Beardmobile, that part vehicle, part dustbin and part temporary dwelling-place, has finally bitten the dust and is off to become an organ donor for those slightly more fortunate, and the search is on for a new one... and that Valentine's day has started well and has the promise of getting better, and that life is still an awful lot better tahn the alternative...

So, until we all follow the rules we wish to, whether cricket, football or hoopla, and until we all know what to call ourselves, Wisebeard salutes you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bonus!!

The Beard, as some of you are aware, or in true Heisenbergian fashion, aren't at exactly the same time, has often said that in order to save the world, it must become profitable... for an example, the moment big companies realise that they will make substantially more money cleaning up the atmosphere than they do polluting it, then you can almost guarantee that fresh air will be the big thing... likewise, when aid organisations struggling to save lives in Africa, Asia and other such places complain that they don't get enough help quickly enough, they are in fact missing a trick... they actually need to approach the big multinationals, and tell them that it is within their interests to make sure everyon ein these places is adequately fed...

But why, I hear you ask?? It's quite simple really... if too many people in the developing world die, then all these big firms have suddenly lost their large, cheap workforces... which means getting stuff produced in the expensive bits of Europe and the USA.... and that means having to pay more for your trainers folks.... even worse from the companes' points of view, it means that the average employee won't actually be able to afford them... which means either upping pay, or lowering prices... and either of those would be disastrous for the people with money... after all, how would they manage if their incomes decreased to around the two million a year mark...

So, the news that the boss of RBS has declined his bonus has had a mixed reaction... the Beard personally thinks that he should have refused it before all the fuss... that would have set a good precedent and been a PR miracle... and, lets be honest, he hasn't really lost much, has he...??? The Banks, however, feel that this is a bad thing... after all, if we stopped all the big banking bosses getting undeserved bonuses, how would they convince people of the right calibre to do the job?? I mean, a salary in 6 figures just won't cut it... The Beard remembers the days when bonuses were just that... rewards for doing something above and beyond... for example, if you made a really good sale that netted your company a healthy income, after working exceptionally hard and overcoming many obstacles, then you got some sort of bonus.. if you just did the job you were contracted for, you didn't... as an example... a worker at Fords once figured out how the company could save an awful lot of money... now, working out things like this wasn't his job... so, when Ford looked at his scheme and saw that it would work, they gave him a new car... Bonus!!

The problem is though, people in certain walks of life got so used to their business overperforming, and thus so used to gaining bonuses, that they came to expect them as a right... and we all know where the Beard stands on rights... so we get the examples of people making realy big cock ups, and yet still getting rewarded... big bankers... think on this... if one of your shop front staff, completely off their own back, decided to lend thousands of pounds to people who had no hope of paying it back, would they get a bonus, or a disciplinary action..???

Of course, there are several solutions to all of this... one is to admit that capitalism was all a big con, and overturn it, replacing it with one of the other big cons, or to regulate it better.... now, the Beard has nothing special against capitalism... no more so than any other system... the whole idea that working hard increases the prosperity of the nation and therefore increases the workers' standards of living is in itself not bad... the idea that wealth filters down from above, that the rich improve the lot of the poor in order that the poor can work harder to increase the wealth of the rich is not necessarily a bad thing... and in part it does seem to work... until you realise that people are involved... and one day, one of those people suddenly realises that he or she doesn't actually have to let an awful lot of his wealth filter down... that he or she can actually keep hold of most of it, possibly even all of it, because the poor can't actually stop him or her... because the only options open to the poor are put up with it, or starve... and once greed gets in there, it all falls down... as do all other political systems...

The problem is, then, that if we want to regulate capitalism, the only people in a position to do it are the people at the top... and if they were content to live their lives on a few million quid, rather than a few billion... well... who knows... the introduction of a maximum wage would help, set at, maybe, whatever the premier of the nation is on... although that could lead to spiralling pay rises for politicians, and none of us want that... better would be a system which allows bosses to earn a maximum of 10 times what their lowest paid full time worker gets... which may even lead to an increase in bottom end pay.... and it doesn't have to be onerous... if your lowest paid employee gets 15000 a year, typical wages in retail and manufacturing, well, it gives the boss a solid 150,000 a year... and put bluntly, if you can't live on that, you really aren't trying... and bonuses too should be limited, to maybe half a years salary... and, in a more radical vein... bosses; your success would not have been possible were it not for your workforce... so lets have a rule that if the bosses get a bonus, then all employees receive one pro rataed according to their pay... after all, if you've been so successful as to warrant a bonus, then you should be able to afford to spread it around....

On a totally unrelated note, last Friday saw Holocaust memorial day.... and the Beard was again carrying around a purple triangle... as opposed to the almost universal yellow star of David.... now, lest you think this is some anti semitic holocaust denial thing, may I clarify... and take you back once more to the Germany of the 1930s... along with the Jews, several other classes of people were "removed" from society... Gays, Blacks, the mentally disabled, Gipsies.. and among them all one group which stands out... the only group who actually had the choice of going to the camps or not... imagine if you were told that by signing a piece of paper swearing allegiance to the Reich, you would be allowed to go home and carry on as if nothing was happening... well, that's what happened to the Bible Students... they could even have lied on the form, and got out of it... but almost to a man and woman, they refused to sign, saying that rather than deny their beliefs they'd go to the concentration camps.... many survivors of the camps have said that the presence of the Bible Students in the camps, with their steadfast faith in God, and their refusal to become downhearted in the face of terror, made the unbearable almost bearable...

Now, which of us, placed in the same position, would show such strength?? Or would we be like Niemoller's people of "First, they came..."?? People like the Bible Students, those who have the strength or sheer bloody mindedness to stand up and say what they feel is right or wrong, despite the consequences, and to take those consequences calmly, without compromise, are the people who make a real difference... had their been more like them in the thirties, who knows what would not have happened... Their descendants are still around... they've changed their name, and the Beard, controversial as this may sound, has a great deal of respect for them... so next time one of them knocks on your door, at least be polite... Jehovah has instructed them to witness, so that' what they do...

But today's rant is at an end... If the Beard has made you think, then I'm sorry... that was the last thing he intended... but until we all have the strength of our convictions and the convictions of our strengths, Wisebeard Salutes You!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Shoplifting, chefs and shames.....

The Beard, as you may have guessed, is a big lover of food... by all definitions of the phrase.... so it was no surprise to find the entire family Beard and selected friends at the amazingly good value Wing Wah all you can eat buffet in Burton on Trent, home of Beer, the other night... the occasion, of course, was the coming-of-driving age of Beard Junior... who, as soon as his licence arrives, will be spreading terror on the roads in the time honoured manner.... but I digress...

Mankind has always had a close association with food, not least because we would die without it... unless the breathairians are correct... which I doubt... and so it was no surprise to anyone, least of all the Beard, who was far too young to be surprised, that almost as soon as books and radio and television began, we have made celebrities out of cooks... indeed, cooks became well known and famous before anyone else but kings, nobles, soldiers, priests and bandits... so suck on that actors and sportspeople... and even today the celebrity chef is still in vogue...

Which brings us to the case of Celebrity chef and thief Antony Worrall Thompson (other celebrity chefs are available...) ... Now, the Beard has not the competence, as Sir Thomas More would say, to decide whether Mr Thompson has a problem with kleptomania, or whether he just figured that self service checkouts are easy to fiddle and decided to get some free cheese... but it remains to be said that if Mr Worrall Thompson (who, along with Rick Stein shares the dubious accolade of being one of only two chefs who have never cooked on TV anything that the Beard has fancied eating... kudos instead to Jamie Oliver and Heston Blumenthal, who never fail to cook at least one thing he does... and of course to Ainsley Harriot, whose chefing may not intrigue the hirsute, but whose celebritying is at least annoyingly entertaining... Roccky Horror anyone??) had been one of the uncelebrities who make up the mass of the populace, the question of treatment for the problem would have been easily solved by a big fine, an asbo, or a light prison sentence... or possibly the chopping of a a limb segment, depending on where you happen to be reading this....

The Beard, despite appearances, was once involved in the law enforcement business, dabbling in security guarding, private detection and in store security... the first two of which were to be honest, mainly composed of sitting in cold damp places while nothing much happened... but the in-store stuff... well, when uniformed(as opposed to uninformed, which is what my contract stated...) it amounted to standing in fairly warm, dry, and well lit places while nothing much happened, which allegedly was an improvement... it was the plain clothes undercover boys who had the excitement...

In all that time I spent undercover in supermarkets, I arrested and deterred (as the phrase goes) well over two hundred shoplifters... and after comapring notes with others in the profession, came to a few conclusions... and while it's still true that you can't tell a shoplifter by looking at them, there are subtle clues to follow that increase your collar rate... firstly, groups of teenagers... boys tend not to be shoplifting, in my experience... mucking about, yes, causing trouble, yes, but nicking, no... groups of teenage girls, especially the ones wearing far too much make up and far too few clothes, especially if accompanied by a couple of girls dressed a bit more modestly.... well, they tend to be the ones to watch... whereas boys and girls wandering about on their own... well, they're just as likely as each other...

Strangely, though, the people found stealing most often, and taking the most value stuff, weren't who we expected...now, most people I've asked expect it to be "gyppos" (!!) and pensioners, and homeless people, or chavs... and while these sections of the public aren't by any means without their dishonest representatives, it was very rare that we got any of them apart from the pensioners... and those pensioners we caught had something in common with the biggest group of shoplifters.... and I'll bet you can or can't guess what....

Well, let's just say that we almost never had any cases of genuine hardship caught shoplifting... the people who genuinely had nothing tended to come to the back door and take stuff out of the bins... often with the implied consent of the management... no, the great majority of shoplifters that we apprehended were quite well off by the standards of the day... even most of the old people we arrested were on quite decent pensions... one woman we caught was stealing clothes and food, then driving off in a brand new Volvo estate... in the days when that was seen as the equivalent of a BMW... turned out that her family was subsisting on a joint income of just under 60 grand... and that was nearly twenty years ago, when your money went a bit further... and she was the rule, rather than the exception...

Where the difference was really apparent though, was in their reactions to being caught... the teenagers would be either bolshy then scared, or instantly terrified... the few genuinely needy ones would be apologetic and ashamed... the middle class would be indignant and blame us for their predicament... they were usually horrified... not that they were thieves, not that they'd been caught, but that we had had the temerity to lay hands on them and tell them that they were in the wrong... they acted, almost to a woman (and it was nearly always the women doing it) as though it was their right to steal... and not a few times we would be treated to an audience with the husband a few days later... and that would go one of two ways... either Hubby would be arrogant and threatening, telling us in no uncertain terms that if we didn't drop any charges we and the store manager would be sacked and never work again (I recall no sackings ever occurring as a result...) or the Hubby would be very apologetic and assure us that wifey was getting treatment for her problem...

Now, maybe some of these people genuinely have a behavioural problem that they can't help... but I'm told by friends of the Beard with experience of such things that those with such problems tend to react with shame and uncertainty when confronted, rather than with arrogance and anger... and thereforre draw the conclusion that the only problem most of these women had was that they simply couldn't understand why they had to actually do the same thing as commoners and actually pay for stuff... Now, I have no idea how Mr Worrall Thompson behaved at his arrest, but I hope for his family, his friends, his fans and himself, that he was confused and apologetic... because that could point to him actually having some sort of real problem rather that just being dishonest... and dishonesty, as the Beard has possibly not mentioned, is usually a bad thing...

But I run the risk of digressing, and I'm sure this rant has gone on long enough... it remains only to be said that shops are actually quite hard to lift, although holding up banks is apparently far more tiring... so until we all know what we deserve and how to get it, Wisebeard salutes you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Boob jobs and missing points....

Just lately the Beard has been hearing quite a bit about breasts.... for some reason, mention of the word on the radio or television seems to grab his attention, for soem strange, hard to fathom reason.... but I attempt to digress...

Specifically the news has been concentrating on breast implants, in particular some slightly dodgy ones from the continent... there has been plenty of discussion on tv and radio, and most of the voiced opinions seem to take one of two points of view... first, that if these implants are dangerous, then the NHS, our fantastic free health care people, should remove said implants, or second, the diametrically opposed view that those who had the implants would have been told of the dangers before the op, so basically stuff 'em and let them fund removal themselves.... Alongside this raged the usual argument about whether people should have had the implants anyway, with the usual "its just vanity" argument being faced down by those with developmental problems and those who have unfortunately had to suffer mastectomies...

In all of this though, the Beard feels that the major argument in favour of the view of those who feel hard done by due to these dodgy implants has been missed... allow one to demonstrate...

Imagine that you have gone to shop at a large, reputable supermarket... it really doesn't matter which one, and I'm certainly not naming names, because this is purely in the realm of the hypothetical... but regardless, you've decided to go there to buy some vodka... remember, this is a reputable shop, that sells foods and drinks approved by the laws of the land...

Now, when you get home, you make yourself a nice vodka and lime... or tonic if you must... personally I'd use the lime, but then again I think that lemon juice goes better on chips than vinegar does.. but I digress... anyway, after drinking your drink, and possibly another, you begin to feel ill... not hung over ill, but really gut wrenchingly painfully ill... and going to the doctors, you find out that the so-called "vodka" was actually industrial cleaning fluid.... even worse, after further investigation, it seems that the people in charge at the shop knew that this vodka was not fit for human consumption, yet made the conscious decision to buy it in and sell it to you anyway...

Now, in that scenario, you'd think that the unfortunate drinker would have a valid claim against the company, yes? And if the firm suddenly went bust and said it was unable to pay the medical expenses of the people it had deliberately poisoned then the NHS should step in and help... yes??

Well, in the boob job case, the company responsible for the implants knew that the silicon used was not approved for use in humans... and that, my readers, is the big scandal... that this apparently reputable company deliberately let these women have illegal and dangerous substances put inside them....it's not a case of the vain woman suddenly changing her mind... this is a whole bunch of women who were prepared to take a risk and have an operation, suddenly finding out that what they got was not what they ordered, and have found that they have taken a risk that they weren't warned about... and that's why we should be hunting down whoever is responsible, and making them pay the NHS to sort this out... or so it seems to the Beard....

It seems that in cases like these, and there are many, peopletend to latch on to just one part of the story, then fit their pet argument into the mix, even if, possibly especially if, their opnion actually makes no sense when applied to the actual stated problem... most simply spout their own, usually indefensible prejudices, without caring about context... it doesn't matter what the actual problem is, someone wil always manage to use it in oder to turn the conversation towards whatever it is they happen to hate... for example, in the above dodgy implant thing, people ignore the fact that people have been sold stuff under false pretences, and simply berate the woman who chose to have a boob job... when the riots happened, everyone was very quick to blame the alleged prevalence of American ghetto culture and the ease with which smarphones can be used, rather than asking why all of a sudden a bunch of people decided to go on a robbing spree... actually though, the Beard knows the answer... it's simply human nature... the only thing that stops us humans stealig and fighting and just doing what we damn well please is fear... not civilisation, that elusive and almost certainly non-existent state to which we aspire, but fear... fear of getting hurt, fear of getting caught... lets be honest with ourselves, if we thought we could have gotten away with it, we'd have been there too, getting a free television and some perfume for the Mrs... just as, without the fear of reprisal, we'd follow through with the threat we made in our head to dismember the person who backed into our car in the car park... and so on...

The Beard, as you know, has no truck with civilisation... the whole idea holds us back, and prevents us becoming truly civilised, or at least seeing whether we can become so... we are so obsessed by the idea that our own prejudices and tribal/personal survival techniques are actually civilisation, that we are unable to recognise them for what they are... tribal survival mechanisms... which is why we see outsiders as not quite civilised.... because deep down we want their land, their resources and their women... The way to go forward is to learn, to accept that we aren't what we wish to be... but our stubborness as a race, coupled with our asertion, however erroneous, that we are civilised, stops us objectively trying to find out what civilisation actually is... which is a shame, because, who knows, we could actually be quite good at it... but then, civilisation could simply mean stagnation... we seem to advance better when we struggle, when we have conflict... it's good for humanity as a whole if not for the individual parts... and stagnation leads to extiction.. which on reflection might not be a bad thing...

But it the night is merging into the morning, and bed and Mrs Beard beckon... so it remains only to be said that until we all accept that we can all make a boob every now and then, Wisebeard salutes you!!!!!!

Songs, wrongs and Horse Chestnut trees....

Now the Beard, as some of you may or may not be aware, possibly even at the same time for those of you enamoured by the ideas of Ingsoc, is surprisingly or not a fan of Christmas... not necessarily for the reasons for which one is supposed to be a fan, but for sinister and cynical reasons possibly better explored than analysed...

For a start, the Beard is a great fan of hypocrisy... so much so that I practice it as often as possible, and one day hope to become as good at it as most of my fellow humans... for as we must all admit, hypocrisy is possibly the natural state of our species, the great Homo Narrans... in fact, our favoured species name, Homo Sapiens sapiens is in itself a form of hypocrisy... but I digress...

The fact is that Christmas is possibly the best time to study hypocrisy, both in others and in oneself... The fact that the festival is a commercial exercise masquerading as a religious celebration is good enough for the Beard.. but then Christmas exceeeds all expectations and reveals itself to be a commercial exercise masquerading as a Christian celebration that is itself a festival stolen from another religion and thinly disguised in the hope that their omniscient God somehow won't notice... Christmas, by promoting greed and the decoration of trees actually transgresses so many of Jehovah/Yahweh's laws as to be untrue... and it's true about the decorating trees bit... honest, guv.. it's in the Bible, in Isaiah if I remember correctly... but I digress...

Apart from the hypicrisy, which admittedly is fun, the Beard loves Christmas for one more thing... the music... now, most of you out there either love the tacky disposable music or loath it... however, to the Beard Christmas music highlights one of his pet dislikes... people claiming to like songs without actually understanding the lyrics.. take for instance that now perennial favourite "Fairytale of New York..." many people claim this to be their favourite Christmas song, which I have no problem with... but then a lot of them then carry on and say that this song about the decay of an already dysfunctional relationship filled with hate and resentment in a police cell among drunks is, somehow, the song which somehow embodies the perfect Christmas.... which it possibly may, who knows.. however, the Beard suspects that, as with Alan partridge and Sunday Bloody Sunday,, that most folks have heard the title, the (admittedly quite jolly) tune, and have concluded that this is a song of joy...

Greg Lake also gets a lot of airplay... his epic I believe in Father Christmas is again one of those songs that on the surface seems to be in praise of Christmas... that opening... "They said there'd be snow at Christmas; they said there'd be peace on Earth..." But then comes the disappointment, in the third line that no one seems to have heard.. "Instead it just kept on raining..." Yes, that's right... asong about how the wonderful Christmas is a cop-out, a meaningless hypocritical load of old drivel... "The Christmas we get we deserve," apparently....

And it's not just Christmas songs either... The Beard had the strange experience once of picking up a cd apparently containing the best love songs in the world... itself a strange enough experience... and to be honest, some of the tracks on there definitely deserved to be there.... the one by Barry White in particular... but also included were some strange ones... "A whiter shade of pale," for example, and "Hotel California..." "24 Hours from Tulsa" can possibly be forgiven, as it is a man telling his partner that he's now in love with someone else and is dumping her.... but "Where the wild roses grow" by Nick Cave and Kylie Minogue??? A song about rape and violent murder??? One of the best love songs ever??? Methinks someone should be looking at the private life of the compiler of this cd....

But it grows late, and as Christmas is supposed to be a time of inspiration and hope, the Beard will leave you with a story from his past...

Years ago, when the Beard seemed not so left of centre as he now apparently does, this hirsute personage was less hirsute, and studied hard t a college in the East Midlands... The principal of this college (as opposed to the principle...) was a man seen only on the first day of each school year, when he would regail the new 14 year old starters with a tale of his own schooldays.... it would seem that on this man's first day at a certain educational establishment, he had the luck and joy to be selected to play cricket.. which to some would seem a bonus, to others not so much... At one end of the pitch was a rather tall horse chestnut tree... and our one-day-to-be-principal dreamed of being able to hit the ball over said plant... for five years he tried, and tried, and tried, but never succeeded... ever.... Now, apparently the moral of this story is supposed to be, no matter how difficult the task, no matter what lack of success, don't stop trying your hardest... the pursuit of the dream is more important than the attaining... unfortunately, what the Beard and his fellows took to be the pont was this... no matter how hard you try, you'll never achieve your dreams... so why bother trying... ambiguity is a wonderful thing....

So, in the hope that you are inspired one way or the other by that small second hand anecdote, the Beard will wish you all a goodnight... and until there is peace on Earth and Goodwill to all, amd until all our Christamses be merry and bright, Wisebeard salutes you!!!!!!!