its christmas...

and what a Christmas... now, the Beard has never been one for christmas, as most of you may or may not know... and as for the rest of you... well.... but in the end, I suppose it all comes down to one thing... which is unfortunately the thing that escapes me.... but I digress...

now, last week the Beard was waxing lyrical about instruction books, and the reasons why those given them should at least read them.... I'm a great believer in the parable of the football team... for those of you who have never heard it, it goes something like this....

three men wanted to play football for a famous premiership team.. which one possibly is unimportant, but if not, then feel free to make it your favourite one.... anyway, to cut a long story short, the manager gives them all a copy of the rules of footie, tells them to familiarise themselves with it, then come back next day for the trials...

player one, lets call him "player one" for the sake of clarity, decides not to bother.

player two ("Steve") reads the book, decides that some of the rules are stupid, and thinks that he can do better...

player three (who we will call on the telephone) reads the book, and decideds to keep to the rules....

on the day of the trials player one does so many fouls that he is sent away quickly... Steve goes on the pitch equipped with a hockey stick and catches the ball, only to be sent home... and player three plays according to the rules and gets on the team...

the moral of the story is, I hope, obvious, but to be honest I very much doubt it... but substitute yourr favourite religion for football and you may get the point... which I am determined not to make myself...

now read the rules for yourself.... you may be very surprised....

but it is allegedly the season of goodwill, so the point will be mercifully unlaboured....

other than that, another month has gone by, with the death regrettably of Brittany Murphy, another quite attractive and fairly talented actress who had totally unneccesary plastic surgery and suffered as a result.... but will her death halt the alarming rise in cosmetic surgery.... ??? now, I understand some people's need for such procedures... a cousin of mine, for example, who suffered serious burns, or women who have had mastectomies... but I fail to see why anyone would risk death and serious injury to change the shape of their nose... especially when, without exception, most of them look worse afterwards.... but then, I have always been very happywith the Beard's body, unshapely as it is... but we all live in a world of dissatisfaction, forced on us from above by those who can profit from us... but the sooner we can all just accept that we are who we are, then we'll probably all be a lot happier... or possibly not....

anyway, the only other thing to say on the subject, is that the Bhujon Tandoori in Coalville does a lovely curry, and that my goose will tomorrow be well and truly cooked... so, until we can all be as goosed as the next man, Wisebeard salutes you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

Chihuahuas, cheesiness and chilling prophecies...

so, today the Beard was faced with the prospect of bar snacks... including the oddly named chihuahua nuts... one can only hope that these are indeed some sort of seed or legume, and not at all what they seem.... but regardless, food has been a bit of a preoccupation for the Beard over the weekend... indeed over most of his life... but already I digress....





saturday saw the future Mrs Beard, Beard Junior and myself on a cinematic expedition to peruse a film described as "a bunch of weird religious fanatics being proved right...." and ended up with a very entertaining, highly flawed and cheesey three hour b movie called 2012..... and entertaining it was, with at least one surprise.. no two... without wanting to spoil anything, Noah didn't end up being who I thought, and the tsunami wasn't ridden.... and the bad science was mentioned a couple of times, but thankfully mainly ignored, which actualy makes three... but nevertheless....



but while the film was an unenlightening but entertaining interlude, the pre-film meal was possibly less so.... dining at what I believe to be a mexican chain restaurant, we were all unpleasantly surprised when the red snapper, far from hailing from the sunny climes of the gulf, appeared to have holidayed in the arctic... it was, in fact, so solid that even a fork failed to penetrate... a fairly long wait for chilli later, the FMB was finally eating, my chilli and Bj's ribs finished off long since... to be fair, the chilli was passable, and the sauce on the ribs quite nice, but the whole experience was decidedly unedifying.... and the bill was wrong.... for some reason the manager thought that letting us have the chilli free while still cjarging for the unedible more expensive fish was a good deal... in the chain's favour, the young lady waiting our table was very apologetic, and helpful... but to be honest, the meal did not come onto my do-again list....

Sunday, however, gave us two very nice eatings... firstly, a stop at the Society Cafe, part of the ever loving Co-op movement, gave us a lovely breakfast (eight items for £2.75... bargain..) and, after a rainy, windy walk in Bradgate Park, a short ride to Cropston took us to The Badgers Sett, which fortunately was not surrounded by smelly piles of old bedding.... a nice fire, a sit in the warm, and a lovely game casserole, which was everything it should be, and a mixed grill for BJ, which was demolished with relish... and prices not too bad either.... on a par with the mexican place, but far more worth it....

anyway, after that brief foray into the world of michelin, it is time for bed.... so until we all are game for casserole, Wisebeard salutes you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

just a quickie....

So... yet another weekend of days, nights and other things.... so farthe Beard has driven riven and liven... but not necessarily in that order... but still he types away, wondering exactly waht he can put to make people interested in this blog, then deciding that he's as bothered about the interest of te general public as the banks are... and on te subject of banks... the Beard has always had a rather ambivalent relationship with banks.... I'm a great fan of Martin Lewis's lovely saying... "The Bank is not your friend..." now, having been charged badly by one bank (they wrote me a letter warning me that i may become overdrawn, and the charge for the letter overdrew me, etc...) and messed about awfully by others, i was surprised when my bank offered me the unbelievable offer of a new accoount with many benefits that i didn't need for the low sum of 30 quid a month.... now, adding up my home insurance and rac cover comes to a lot less than that, and with more cover, but the icing on the cake was the mention of insurance against identity theft.... as I said to the assistant manager who was attempting to sell me this, i have no worries about my identity being stolen... after all, if anyone pretending to be me can get a mortgage, credit card, or even the loan of fifty p till next wednesday, my first question will be how they manged it, seeing as the banks have been resisting my attempts to get said items for many years..... in fact, if any identity thieves out there want my details, I'll split any proceeds fifty fifty.... as i said to the banker, if they want my identity, they're welcome to it.... but I digress....

Other than that, things are going well, and i'm not just saying that because of the future mrs Beard reading this over my shoulder.... despite feeling a little under the weather, and having a complete lack of internet access except at the weekend.... that will soon be solved however, sooner or later.... by fair means or fairer.... but it gets late, and the beard gets tired as do all lesser mortals.... so until all our laps are topped, Wisebeard salutes you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

News, views, and possibly a snooze....

and it becomes more and more obvious that rhyming is back again, mores the pity.. and with the Beard writing more regularly (albeit not on here....) with competitions agogo, a western in the offing, the prospective children's novel going very well, and numerous other projects on the go it would be hard to believe that the Beard has time for anything else in his life.... but lo... what is that on the horizon....???? well, to keep everyone up to date, a certain young lady has agreed in principle and actuality to become Mrs Beard.... and a shopping trip to the astounding jewellery quarter of Hockley, including several nice shops and one that resembled the worst kind of model railway shop (the sort staffed by a long bearded weirdo who really loves trains....) turned up not only a lovely ruby and diamond ring that quite pleases the future Mrs Beard, but also a pub serving mild on tap... which was quite a bonus....

but I digress.... also on the news front comes news.. which is surprising, but not particularly so..... but holiday time has now passed, and a trip to Anglesey resulted in a good time for both myself and beard junior, with an excursion to a nuclear power station, a closed model village, an encounter with sharks and a half built castle, and the revelation that although the word "albeit" is not in the dictionary on my phone, for some reason both "imaginarium" and "Parnassus" are... which begs the question whether Terry Gilliam is in fact T9....

terry is, of course, as none of you know, one of my favourite writer directors, especially in that I find all of his work flawed... which may sound strange, but i at least know what I mean... and that's the main thing.... but the Imaginarium I found to be a great story... being a great fan of deals with devils, it had to be really.. and Lily Cole was fantastic in more ways than one.... and as for Heath Ledger... despite his being mainly a supporting role, he was fantastic as Johnny Depp... or was that the other way round...???? But whichever, and flawed as it was, definitely one to watch... but my main news must remain the great honour my young lady has done me by agreeing to marry me.... and also by treating me to beans on toast.... but that's a story for another time...

it remains to say that i am, as requested, attempting to write in paragraphs, despite the stylistic problems this causes... but as the stylistics have not bothered the charts for some time, I think we can discount them... and all that remains is to say that the Beard is very much in love, and that until all of us can be as happy as the proverbial Mr Grayson, Wisebeard salutes you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

Made with real ingredients....

or so the advert stated... which has made the Beard wonder whether there are products out there made of fake, or even worse, unreal ingredients.... but such a statement must rank with the head lice remedy that allegedly contains no chemicals.... which basically means a bottle of quite literally nothing... and brings the Beard to the question, why are so many people ignorant about science??....
Science is, after alll, a closed book to many... ome expect it to explain everything, while others believe it to be a lie... whereas those of us in the know are positive that we don't really understand all of it, but tht its the best of all the wort possible alternatives... now I'm pretty sure that I've waxed semi lyrical about the ingherent naturalness of mankind and all its doings, and possibly about global warming.... to precis, we're as natural as anything else in the universe, judaeo-Christian philosophy not withstanding, and therefore everything we do, whether nice or not, is also natural.... houses are as natural a termite hills and nests, and flushing sewage into surfer is as natural as owl pellets... and as for global warming, i think that as part of the gaia organism, our role is not that of a cancer, but of an antibody, warming the planet up for the next stage in its evolution.... true, we'll be wiped out... but think about what happens to the antibodies in your blood when their usefulness is ended....but i digress.....
I was once party to a conversation about Mr Men ice lollies, if anyone remembers them... basically, Ms a said to her friend Ms B, "they make a big thing about the added vitamin C, but they don't tell you about this ascorbic acid they shove in it...." for those who are already lost, google or wiki Vit C.... aand then there are these ad that claim "no E numbers," preying on those who are scared of siuch things, and who do not realise that all approved additives, including such nasties as strawberry juice and pepper have to have e numbers before they are used... and that all the nice no e numbers people are doing is naming the ingredients so that they don't have to quote the e number.... but again, i digress....
I thinkthe point the Beard is trying to make is that all too often it is far too easy to just swallow whtat we're told, rather than doing our own research... his leads to a whole generation who believe in chemical free food, and shampoo that can somehow feed dead tissue.... despite the obvious fallacies.....
Regardless of this, the Beard allegedly celebrated a milestone last week.... now, those who know the Beard will attest to the fact, that as a paid up grumpy sod, he sets not much store in birthdays, christmas, et al... but suffice it to say, the Beard was 40 last week, and was convinced by friends and a certain young lady to celebrate... so, the scout hut was decorated, and 50 of the beards friends and family descended for an evening of Blossom's disco and the Screaming Eagles, a local rock band who kindly provided some great music in return for a portion of fish and chips.... and for once, all the great pressies given over were actually useful..... which was great.... but it grows late, and it just remains to thank everyone who came, and all of those who didn't, and all of those who thought they did at some point... and to say that until we are all as old as we wish to be, Wisebeard salutes you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

it's september...

and the Beard was wondering about the illogicality of our months, days and possibly our hours.... as we all know, food is Saxon in the field, but french on the table... but how many of us have realised the fundamentalish dichotomy that has left our days english and our months roman.....??? to illustrate, we have a day of the sun, a dat of the moon, a day each for Tiw, Woden, Thunor and Frey, where our months are named for a roman dictator and his imperial nephew, a god of fever and someone two-faced... and some are rather unimaginatively the seventh, eighth, ninth and tenth months..... now, i here some of you saying, one of our days is Roman too... is Saturday not named after Saturn..... well, sorry to disillusion you classical buffs out there... its named after Saetere, who was possibly Loki.... who deserve kudos for teaching us how to grow grain.... admittedly, that was so that we could turn it into beer, but still..... nd I digress.... even the Germans, notoriously non adept at using latin, have stoopped to latin months.... despite the empire of Rome not actually conquering them... but then i lay the blame for tht squarely at the feet of the Church..... but my wondering was along the lines of not why did we change the months, but why did we not end up with latin days... the french got them after all..... Mars and Mercuri rule the days there.... personally i'm glad that we kept our good saxon days, and I must admit to hankering after our old months too.... and wondering why our Classical forebears, who we have been told ad nauseam were far more intelligent and cultured that our Saxon ancestors, seemed to run out of ideas when it came to naming months.... now, the Beard would far rather be celebrating his birthday at the beginning of Winterfylth, the time of felling trees for winter, rather than in the confusingly named Eighth Month (which of course is the tenth.....) at least the saxon names still have relevance to the time of year to which they apply.... Hot Month.... Easter Month.... Wolf Month.... Blood Month..... and they quite sensibly went from new moon to new moon, which is what a month should do..... and where the romans solved the problem of their 12 months not quite fitting the solar year by making their months unevn, the saxons and vikings simply had 13 of them every year, and kept the months and years eveer so slightly separate.... which to the Beard's eyes seems to suggest that they were ever so slightly cleverer.... but there we go.... suffice it to say, the Beard is not the only one that wishes for proper english months again..... and is also mulling over the idea of using paragraphs, a suggestion made to him by several aavid readers.... the problem being that such a stream of consciousness.... well.... brook of semi consciousness anyway.. doess not seem to lend itself to paragraphisation... although I did dabble with the idea of simply inserting a few line breaks in an attempt to imitate paragraphs..... but thought better of it.... but it does beg the question as to whether paragraphs would improve or disprove the beardiness.... and now, all that remains to be said is that Beard junior has started his gcses, a certain young lady is now filming in Dorset and Somerset, and the CYL's eldest will be soon off to the land of the Reconquista..... which leaves the Beard pondering on distance.... but of that, more later... the road is calling, and it just remains to be said that until all our months are as long as we would wish, Wisebeard salutes you!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Things ancient and modern....

Now the Beard is among those of us who remmeber a golden age, a time of plenty, where peace, love and understanding ruled... no, sorry, actually I don't.... but the other day I had the good fortune to be in one of those few pubs which actually publicise it prices on the pumps, and was surprised by many of them... not least the IPA at a quid and a half for a pint.... but it was only then that i realised that cider had undergone a change.... now, back in the long ago, when the beard was just able to legally imbibe, cider was the chosen drink of the student, mainly due to two things... its higher than beer alcohol content, and its cheapness.... but nowadays, tying in with the reinvntion of perry as pear cider, cider itself is more expensive than beer.... just aas diesel was once quite a bit cheaper than petrol.... one day i am sure that beans will outprice caviare.... but i digress.... for once though, I have not forgotten the point that the beard wished to make, as there actually was no point, except to say that times change, things change, and one day, so will my underpants... suffice it to say, th carvery at the plue of feathers was well received by two weary travellers, and the Birmingham museum and art gallery was very welcoming.... the Matthew Boulton exhibition i found especially stimulating.... and one of the paintings in the round room, well, all i can say is that it bears further study, specially for those of us with arthurian, wagnerian, masonic, templar or grailian bents.... on top of this, the beard is extremely happy, with loneliness no longer being the default position.... and after wowing everyone with a display of dancing on sundy night, after three meat and one veg samosas, and numerous diet pepsis, the beard can only say that those who believe him to be a closet party animal are only possibly mistaken.... but yetagain i digress..... haikus are on thecards (quite literally) as is a treatise on treats, but chocolate flavour swedish glace ( a non dairy ice cream like confection) is beckoning me even at this late hour.. so off to beddy byes goes the beard... so it just remains to say, until we all realise that syllabls are worth counting, Wisebeard salutes you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Two beaches, three seas and a dinghy.....

or what the beard did on Holiday.... well, sort of.... and when I say three seas, it could be less or more, depending on how you see these things.... at least, the english Channel and the irish sea cannot be quibbled with, even if you are of a nautical bent, but whether Poole Harbour counts i frnkly debatable..... but a discussion about whether the Channel counts as part of the North sea or part of the Atlantic ocean, or whether the alleged Sleeve is a sea in its own right, led the beard to wonder quite wonderingly as to where the borders of our various seas are, and why..... of course, all borders are a man made confection, with the possible exception of coastline, but at least land borders (some at least) are easily explainable.... rivers, mountain ranges and the like... although some are less so, relying as they do on imaginary lines invented by slightly less imaginary people, or on vague land aquisitions by men with weaponry..... but sea borders are even less obvious and even less logical.... if they were, for example, based on coral reefs, or some such... well.... admittedly, the western 9to the Beard) border between the atlantic and pacific i slightly obvious on a map, being the American continent, but again, lss so on the ground, as it were..... out of sight of land, how do i know if I'm in the south china sea, the pacific ocean, or the Indian ocean... or even the Baltic for that matter..... and this, i think, is the nub of the matter.,,,, that the sea, even more so than the land, is one entity... it has no borders, and to the best of our knowledge, no nations.... but the sea itself hides the fact that all land is actually joined together..... no, for centurie swe have divided everything, from land, to resources, to seas.... hen really what we should have been doing was sharing them.... a a friend of the beards once said, in response to yet another appeal to help relieve famine, there is enough food to go around... problem is that it stays in one place.... but I digress..... the point is that my head hurts from lack of sleep, one of my projects is desperate for a re write, and I'm starting to lose track of what i actually wanted to say..... so I'll leave you all to it, except to say thatuntl we all believe in sharing without division, Wisebeard Salutes you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Edges, hedges, and the being quite fed up of rhyming headlines....

So, as those who may know the Beard will attest, there is something in me that is abnormally attracted to Edges.... the areas where what is known drops away, and we are left staring over a sheer drop... the place where one thing abruptly and suddenly becomes something else.... don't get me wrong, smooth, blurred transitions are good too, and ambiguity is something i love, but edge just hold the edge on them.... so the weekend has been very good to me, with a trip to the area where lime become grit, the ridge between dark and white, similar to the conditions a young man of my fictional aquaintance is experiencing.... followe by a walk along Stanage edge, a literal drop.... but that got me to thinking of all the other edges we encounter in life..... now edges can be fun, can be frightening, can be all sorts of things.... there is the edge we encounter when going from one school to another, from school to work, the edges we all feel every now and then... now some of us feel these edges as a drop before us, like unexpectedly finding oneself on a cliff.... where others describe them as coming to the bottom of a cliff, either expectedly or otherwise, the resulting wall stopping them going forwards.... and of course, some of us get both.... now, the crux of the matter, if i may use such words, is this.. that the drop is scary, and the cliff seems insurmountable.... and then it seems that we can go no further.... and going back, as we all know is impossible.... so there we are stuck, unless we can screw our courage to the sticking place, and step off into the void, or begin that climb.... now, starngely, the drop is the scariestto see, but the easiest to get over... whereas the climb looks ok, but is harder and takes longer.... but that is no reason to stay where we are.... now, I've long been an advocate of jumping off cliffs (at least metaphorically...) and I'm not averse to climbing... but personally, I'd much rather have the drop.... at least usually there's only one way to go.... and you don't have the risk of accidentallygoing the other way.... but I digress... what I think i'm trying to say is that sometimes we all think we're stuck somewhere, but we're not... going on might be difficult or frightening, but it's the way to go.... the only way to go.... and usually it's worth it... as I keep saying to people.... its better to be at the bottom of the ladder you want to climb, than near the top of one you don't.... whether that has any relevance at all is beyond the beard.... but the other thing i tell everyone is Take The Chance.... it might work, it might not, but at least you'll know.... and one of the worst feelings in the world is regretting not taking the chance when it presents itself.... now, years ago, i was the sort to play it safe, but since decidingto take my own advice, I've been a lot lot happier... mainly down to the chance i took with a certain young lady.... and it remains only to be said that I'm tired, and i feel that the sleep i thought I was going to have twenty minutes ago actually seems to be descending upon me.... so I'll simply say goodnight, and that until we all get the ladders we want despite the snakes, Wisebeaard salutes you!!!!!!!!!!!

Knuckles, knockles, cockles and grockles....

So, the beard again is doing his best to prove that men (and I use the term loosely...) can simply (or even complicatedly) not multitask.... if you will forgive the splitting of a probable infininitive... in attempting to write a novel, fix up my bedroom, watch a Harry Potter film, and cut a plastic strip, all theBeard has actually managed is half a chapter of possible claptrap, a half hour snooze, a loss of interest in rupert Grint (but admittedly a renewed interest in Emma watson's jeans... I hasten to add she is over 17 in this one...)and the severance (without pay) of one of my own knuckles, with ensuance of blood over keys, sheets, wood, knife, and a round of toast (to be honest, a slightly trapezoid-with-squashed-arc of toast... but then i was a non-renowned geometrist for a few moments in my long ago youth.... but i digress...).... so, i hear you all ask, as I wait with baited ears, what has been happening to the family Beard since the last slightly boring update?? well, a series of lovely evenings, nights, mornings and afternoons (and usually in that order) with a certain young lady has distracted the hairiness of wisdom in the nicest of all possible ways.... including a trip to the Birmingham Art Gallery and museum with that personage and Beard Junior, in which mummies, champions and teapots featured in varying quantities, and above all a delectable dinner at the young lady's parents abode, complete with roast potatoes and good conversation with CYL pere..... accompanied by the younger Beard and the CYL's fantastically companionable offspring.... hello to the pair of them.... the occasion of course being the love of the Beard's birthday.... somewhere close to forty...... but a fantastic week for all concerned, I hope, with the prospect of rapid transit systems, lawnmowers, and of course cake... for cakes and birthdays go together, and so the Beard, wanting to puthis all into the special day did the speakable and put on his baker's hat.... a three tier sponge with fondant and soya cream (no milk for beards!!) resulted, and it seemed to be well accepted.... but again I digress.... the bleeding seems to have stopped, and i also seem to be a member of some disturbing thing going by the name of twitter, despite never having signed up.... hich brings mme to the subject of emails.... and especially the junk ones i seem to be getting at the moment.... as i said in my reply to the last one, If:I ;;dId"wanTM.y(PartS:ENLA@RGing:I@M damned@:If-I'll,LETAbuncHOfＳＰａｍｍｅｒＳ　ｗｈｏ　ＣａＮＴPUNCtuate LoooSE £W%ith Knive?s anywhere near my person...... especialy after witnessing what i can do to myself with one.... if I want viagra or any other blue pills I'll watch saturn 5 and start crying, and above all, let the Beard tell you all.... I really don't care how many different people email me, I refuse to believe tht this is National Jizz Week...... and i will not be passing it on to my friends.... but despite all the requests for bank details, the thing that bothers me is that none of these were actually sent to me... one was addressed to bobbysox@yahoo..... yet arrived in my Hotmail.... which begs the question, how!??!! and also politely requests the question, if these can get delivered to people other than the addressee, how many emails that i send are actually going astray into someone else's inbox? but there we are..... or possibly not..... now, Todd and Oslo are beckoning me back, as is a piece of nonsense verse (of which, more later) and also a soft pillow... oe of them will win, but I'm laying no bets..... so to the strains of Imogen heap and Tori Amos (who apparently has a frog on her toe) I shall bid you goodnight, an, as the possibly late dave Allen (must check if he is alive... its the least i can do) would say, may your god go with you... so, until we can all task as much multi as we would wish, Wisebeard Salutes you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

By all the gods....

Its Hot!!!!! so hot in fact that several exclamation marks seemed necessary...... and after a very eventful month the Beard is wishing that maybe the gulf stream could be switched off for a month or two.... we'd drop by about ten degrees, and I'd be a lot more comfortable..... and of course, despite picnics by canals during working hours (and all legitimate... I love my job sometimes...) very nice weekends with a certain young lady, and a discussion about Norse myth with that personage elder son, we are all mourning the deaths of Farrah Fawcett and Molly Sugden..... I wonder whats going to happen to her pussy..... little Are You Being Served related reference there..... but there we go... but the abiding topic remains the heat.... now, I'm not a big fan of the heat, or indeed summer..... autumn is definitely my favourite season, followed by winter and spring in close order.... but i've justbeen disturbed by the mating cry of a vixen who frequents my garden.... and after having a watch through the window I've totally lost track of what i was going to say.... so in the best tradition of Beardiness, I shall say nothing... except that until we all get as cool as we would wish to be, Wisebeard salutes you!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So.. a day of small successes for the beard... first of all, a good working day in the sun, with parks, rivers and cast iron beds, a good deal on a mini laptop (or net book or whatsoever they calleth these new fangled thingys...) a found passport, thus enabling the dream if not the reality of foreign travel....one day i may get to abroad.... possibly as far away as Berkshire.... but I digress.... also, a mini maglite has surfaced, a lost poem, the log book for my van, and I've remembered Greg Evigan, in BJ and the Bear.... but then someone has to.....possibly..... but I should possibly leave that to Richard Herring..... and a walk around Kirby Muxloe castle with Beard Junior.... watching the moorhens, and a lovely heron....i'm a big fan of herons, as you may or may not know... but that's by the by....which of course brings me to the subject of Cliff Richard.. but thankfully not for long, or for any real purpose....and of course the unsettling issue of age and whether it matters.... for instance, good old Cliff is forever young, taylor Swift was (according to one website) born in 2006, which makes her singing success all the more spectacular..... but its late, I've been fantastically distracted by the loving words of a certain young lady, and it really is beardy bedtime... so until we all can celebrate the little successes, Wisebeard salutes you!!!!!!!!!

Healthier than fried Yogi....

so, it comes tothe Beards attention that Bear Grylls, that strangely young and beardles adventurer, is now chief scout, following in the tracking marks of such greaats as Lord Rowallan, George Purdey and Peter Duncan.... now, whether this choice is controversial or not is up to you, enlightened reader.... but to the Beard, the choice seems a sound one.... unfortunately, young Bear (although, to be honest he reminds me more of a mustelid... either a feret, or, being slightly more charitable, a pine marten....) has had, as part of his many interviews, been asked several times about the suposedly fake broadcasts that he made in the past.. with bill Turnbull (ex scout and bad knot tyer that he was) bringinging up the first Scout Law, that a Scout is to be trusted.... tohis credit, Bear has apologised on several occasions.... but, I hear you ssay, is a self confessed fake a ssuitable role model...??? well, to put in my peters pence, the answer is yes.. and why?? simply that he has kept to his promise for all his life.... the Scout Promise is a wonderful thing... when one takes it (as the beard did in his long ago youth, one promises to DO MY BEST to keep the Scout Law (emphasis by the beard hisself, to lapse into East Midlands...) the very late and very great Baden Powell, still my main hero along with Captain Scarlet and the man on the back of the plane in the Potomac, was very emphatic on the subject... he recognised that in a Scouts life therre would be times when, due to external pressure, worries, and so on, a scout would end up breaking the Scout Law... but as long as he (or she) did their best to keep it, recognised their lapse, and sought to make up for it, then that was ok by BP.. so it should be ok by us.... and as an aside, the Scout Law, so easy to keep with its emphasis on do and no don'ts at all, is, more so than any other list, a near perfect model of the ideal cosde of conduct, and as such bears publishing here.... from the Beards memory, which is slightly less than perfect..... A scout is to be trusted, a scout is loyal, a scout is friendly and considerate, a scout has courage in all dificulties, a scout is a member of the worldwide family of scouts, a scout makes good use of time and is careful of possessions and property, and a scout has self respect and respect for others... and if we had more of all that, we'd have a better world.... so until we all gryll our bears, Wisebeard salutes you!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Richard the Third... and that's not rhyming slang....

but rather one of my favourite British (or fairly close to, anyway) monarchs, along with Canute, or Knut, Elizabeth I, and Macbeth, the last of whom deserves our sympathy simply for being married to someone called Gruach, which sounds like some archaic oat-based muesli.... but I digress.... today saw the Beard, along with the junior version, and a certain young lady paying our respects to the brave Duke of Gloucester, king for two years, and the last English King to die in battle so far.... as brave a man as one could wish to meet... and wouldn't history have been duifferent had he won....for a start we would have no Simnel cake at easter..... and that would apparently be a loss.... but it rounded off a fantastic weekend for all.... beginning at my second home (also known as the Scout Hut, for a car wash, during which the young lady's car became seen to be green, aa quick (or not so quick ) almost accidental fixing of the same car's cooling system, and the meeting of this beautiful person with the beard's parents over a carvery, the weekend wqs off to a good start.. and as to sunday, all I dare say is WOW!!! but yet again I digress... a strange encounter with the ex Mrs Beard and a lego brick was to follow, then a much appreciated trip to Wing Wah in Burton, that beloved all you can eatery.... and believe me, we ate! my usual behaviour in those places is simply to take a little bit of everything, and try it all... and sunday night was no disappointemnt.. the steak in red wine, although not seeming particualarly Chinese, was very tasty, and as usual, copious amounts of seaweed disappeared very quickly.... and the young lady herself was very impressed, despite the Beard becoming slightly distracted by the legs of another young lady sitting close by... but the hirsute one managed to pass it all off in the dubious name of research.. its all to do with novels, and the less said probably the better.... but today's bank holiday led us to the field of Bosworth, and the revamped visitor centre.... I remember going to it in the long agao, and sitting through old Billy's version of Bosworth fight, with larry Olivier doing his best crookback.... I must say the new film is far more accurate, and dare I say better acted.... and the CYL was very impressed, especially by the range of headgear available.... after a car-bound picnic (the Beard being proclaimed King of Tabbouleh) a stroll around the fields uncovered King Dick's well, and the alleged site of Good King Richard's death.... then a stroll around the canal, a discussion on the merits of the shewee, a cup of tea, and finally the drive home.... and a sorrowful parting.. but as I say, a great weekend..... and a few ideas.... the beard's plan for a kid's book is being well received in certain quarters, and several other possible publications are in the swimming around the head stage..... but of thsoe more later.... its time to hit the other pc (due it being severely uncooperative , and myself being a fan of the Regan method...)and get some of said ideas down in pixellated form.... so until we can all be brave in the thickest press of our enemies, Wisebeard salutes you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Climate Change....

or to give it its usual misnomer Global warming, has reared its ugly head again, and the selfish part of me wishes to thank it for giving the Beard some lovely weather for his holiday.... which, strangely enough took place in two places, if the repetition may be forgiven.. and I'm sure it will be... first of all, a lovely few days in Anglesey, within Roman Legion swimming distance of the North wales Coast, courtesy of a certain young lady.... the holiday that is, not tthe swim...and a good chance to meet the elder of her two sons, who proved to be delightful, intelligent and incredibly fair minded.... and i'm not just saying that because of who reads this..!!! A morning of birdwatching at South Stack, a paddle in the sea with the young lady in question, a trip to the sea zoo ( one of Beard junior's favourite attractions) and a view of some gorgeous paintings at Oriel Ynys Mon (the Great Orme sky thingies.. breath taking.. wish I could remember the artist's name...).... time for home came too soon, but luckily for some, a trip to the ancient city of Jorvik followed.. my young lady's first ever.... and a very good trip it was.. Kudos to the Cavalier guest house..... although the less said about the sherry the better..... ACYL was impressed by the Jorvik centre, entranced by the Castle Museum, and absolutely gobsacked by the Minster.... so much so that we returned the next day and climbed the tower.... a cruise on the Ouse, a bewildering walk through York Dungeon and an anoraking expedition to the Rail Museum followed, with the Beard becoming a slight celebrity due to his once having ridden on Tornado's footplate.. and if you don't know what I'm talking about, why not???? the food was lovely.. good breakfasts at the Cavalier, and I would recommend to everyone El Piano, a fantastic vegan and gluten free tapas bar.... the only restaurant the beard can recall where he could order anything at all from the amazingly good menu... and they offer a discount to holders of a York pass.. of which more later... but I digress.... I was going to make some wise or otherwise statements about limiting the popoulation in order to help the environment, but instead I've waffled about my holiday.... suffice it to say, York was a big hit, and so was the Beard..... on a sadder note, a friend of mine, Simon Grant, fellow scout leader and giver of sun glasses, unfortunately died aged 44 last week... he'll be sorely missed by all.... especially Jim Muller if he throws up in his tent porch again.... "Gone Home," as we in Scouting would say....but with reference to the old adage, our Cherie has brought new life into the world as we always knew she would... and if my judgement is good (and it often is...) she'll be a fantastic mum.... but I digress again.... i'm sure Simon would have wanted the Beard to stay upbeat, so until all our gobs are smacked, Wisebeard salutes you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

has it been this long????

the beard's life has been getting so busy of late that it seems the old blog, and its associated spelling and gramattical errors have been rather neglected.. which is a shame... or possibly not.... as you may know (I didn't...) this whole thing began as a way to get the old writing muscles working again, in order to restart the short and not so short story writing that has long been a beardly passion.... and it seems to have worked almost too well, with my hopefully forthcoming novel finally reaching 50,000 ish words, and several other bits and bobs happening.. on top of this Scouting, family concerns, and a certain young lady have been taking up my time.... in fact, (and thsi will surprise any familiar with the world of beardliness...) I spent time at a party the other night... held at a bar in good old Birmingham (still my favourite large conurbation) in honour of the birthday of a man I didn't even know existed.... but thankfully he turned out to be a work colleague of the beauty on my arm.... now, I say this will surprise many, for the beard is not really a party person.... in fact, the last time i went to a similar event i was about twenty years younger.... now, why i'm not really a party person will probably remain a mystery.... I have no objection to them in principle, but I believe the fact that i (through various means) avoided my own 18th speaks volumes..... being very fond of the sound of my own voice, the loudness of music tends to put me off.... as does the fact that alcohol is not my favourite tipple, and i have a remarkable tendency not to dance.. i even avoided doing that at my long ago wedding... which may explain a lot.... but I've always felt lonely, and parties just seem to reinforce that feeling of isolation, while promising to actually do the opposite..... all of which makes me sound a right miserable, not to mention ungrateful, bugger..... but there were a few triumphs during the night... it seems that my young lady's friends quite liked me, i got a kiss from the birthday boy, and best of all, i got to see my partner enjoying herself.... and this i think is what separates the bearded one from your average miserable party pooper... that i do in fact enjoy parties, but not in the same way as others... i like seeing people enjoy themselves, especially people i care about.... and i have to admit that my antipathy towards festivity (although to be honest, antipathy is too strong a word... even dislike is not mild enough.. perhaps antipasto would describe it better... or perhaps not....) is mainly down to the shyness that no one believes i possess.... for as some of my closer aquaintances will telll you, sometimes, i enter into the spirit, possibly too much occasionally..... and as any cod psychologist will tell you, the best way to overcome shyness is not to behave shyly..... which is what i usually attempt to do..... last saturday, i admit that i didn't screw my courage to the sticking place readily enough..... i admit i should have approached more people, put on my extrovert act and at least attempted to dance..... and next time i promise that i shall... and i never break promises..... but i don't digress, which is not a good sign.. easter week beckons, and with it travels to exotic and ancient cities... well, York and Holyhead anyway..... so bed calls me, and i must answer.. so until we alll become as shyless as we would wish to be, Wisebeard salutes you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

back again.. sorry....

So, herevwe are again, and first the beard offers apologies, both sincere and otherwise, for all those (and I know you are few...) who have been missing the regular missives from the world of beardiness..... but the beard which is wise and inebriates rarely has been having a busy time of it lately.... for those of you who have visited Beardsheim in the past, a surprise will be in store next time you cross the two tone bridge (still saving up for the full Rainbow model...) ... the Beard, with the incredibly useful help of Beard Junior, has actually been having a real sort out.. and I mean, a real one.... avoiding the piles of old rubbish, hoarded mathoms and offcuts of facial hair just got too much, and eing a great fan of arts and crafts, the wise one decided that if it aint beautiful and useful, it aint stopping..... so all i have left is a photo of Jenny Agutter, and a can opener..... seriously though, a lot of the accumulated stuff has gone.... although true to form, some of the more bizarre stuff has remained..... so much so that i have managed to rid the heim of five sets of shelves.... and my kitchen now appears to be the nine feet by eighteen that it actually is.... the lounge is basically tidy (apart from the boot-sale-bound boxes..) and the bedroom is unrecognisable..... all this partly due to the influence of a certain young lady.... on top of this, despite the amount of time invested, the beard has visited the cinema, gone to a concert, and has been regulary working on model railway projects and the upcoming novel...... all of which has been fantastic..... catharsis and relaxation, hard work that has actually been refreshing..... a strange ting... and the relatonship with that aforementioned young lady is growing stronger and stronger..... so things are on the up..... and up.... and up..... its very reminiscent of the scene in V for Vendetta (the comic.. not the film, which i still haven't quite seen.... but I digress...) where Evey says to V something along the lines of "don't you find that sometimes you want to get rid of the stuff from the past, and et on with the future.... " I'll try to find the exact quote if i can be bothered..... which brings me to the subject of Watchmen.... and my fervent hope that the americans haven't ruined the finest comic book ever written.... but as the second act of Siegfried begins to play, the Beard realises the time, and must fly... so until we can all have a jolly good clear out, Wisebeard salutes you!!!!!!!!!!

Nearly a Month

since last I posted.... and what a month... its seen the deaths of Tony Hart and patrick McGoohan (which means Portmeirion is definitely on the list this October...) and almost certainly several others.... I've been to Chesterfield several times, the West Mids regularly, and to Twycross, which i'll admit still feels a bit empty without Joe.... but its still a great place to visit.... and there have been plenty of wows.. so many indeed that they have become WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!s......... but there will be more from the beard at some point.. bed beckons though.... so until we can all use multiple exclamation marks to good effect, Wisebeard salutes you!!!!!!!!!!!

its happened again....

the dreaded double post.. and i know its probably......
until we all get two of it all.... wisebeard salutes you!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've probbaly said this already....

but I've always preferred funerals to weddings.... now, I have my reasons, mainly down to selfishness.... but mainly it boils down to the experience.... lets take it point by point.... firstly, at your typical wedding, in an attempt to make herself look better, the bride usually dresses her attendants in pastel dresses deigned to make them look fat and with bad skin... so it follows that the best looker at the whole event is off limits.. well, most of the time.... you're expected to look happy, despite having to give up at least two hours of valuable saturdayness, and you have to spend money on a present that they either don't want, can't use, or have named for themselves... thus destroying any possible element of surprise... on that subject, I was once invited to a wedding, and informed that i was down to buy the washing machine.. some others were down for four nights in Sydney, flights to said city, and such like.. few of us attended.... and those who did were treated to the sight of the bride crying because her stingy mates hadn't paid for her honeymoon... but I digress.. the worst thing about weddings is that three months after, you get invited to a christening, which is, if anything, even worse.... lets be honest, if i invited you to watch me pour water over a baby and make it cry, you'd phone the police.... but if i put on a dress and a dog collar.... and lets face it, you're stuck with eighteen years of buying an extra christmas and birthday present..... funerals on the other hand, are a god send.. the food is usually good, most women look good in black, some wear gloves, and if you look mserable nobody minds.... plus if any of the ladies are especially upset, well, you can always offer them some comfort.... you never know your luck.... on top of all this, the hymns are usually more suited to my deep voice, and its a great saving on presents for the rest of your life.... however, i'm sligtly revising my view of weddings.. yesterday one of my oldest friends (that is, one of my longest standing... although she has been known to sit occasionally) got herself married and treated me to some roast beef... and although i admit to having gone to only four weddings (and a funeral... good title.. must use it somewhere...) two of which involved the same bride, this was the best yet.... partly down to the company of a certain young lady, of whom all that can be said is Wow!! but i digress.. all I wish to say is good fortune to Heidi and Andrew, and i hope it all goes well..... so until we al get wardrobes, Wisebeard salutes you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've probbaly said this already....