Years ago.....

I was under the impression that Jim Carrey was a sort of cut price wrongly timed American versiion of Norman Wisdom.... i must say that I have revised that opinion since.. although I may say that I'm still not a big Ace Ventura fan..... the Mask I did enjoy, and Carrey's version of the Riddler was possibly the best bit of that Batman film... apart from Nicole Kidman in a tight black dress and heels, chained up... but I digress..... and I must say that I thought of him as avocet -like..... in that I did enjoy his first mainstream feature, the high school vampire flick, Once Bitten..... however, the man has grown on me.. I think he was possibly the only man alive who could have played man-in-the moon Andy Kaufman... and although he does tend to play Jim Carrey in most of his films, the role does actually fit most of his films... and lets be honest, it never harmed John wayne....or Norman Wisdom (of whom more later...) or Laurence Olivier for that matter... (waits for tomatoes...) but i digress yet again.... as it is, I really enjoyed Yes Man, his latest opus, in which he again plays Jim Carrey to good effect..... the film, based as it is on a true story, deviates from the truth greatly, as admitted by the author himself on radio2 a few days back..... but it is good... and one of its strengths ( or weaknesses, depending o your point of view..) is that it made the Beard think.. and Beard junior for that matter..... we both went expecting a replay of Liar Liar.... and to some extent thats what we got.. but only to some extent.... but think it made us do.... until I got back into scouting, I was the protagonist as he stood at the start of the film... making up excuses not to go out, for no other reason than that I couldn't be bothered.....and life was passing me by.... like Carrey's character, Scouting started me on the road to trying stuff again... saying yes when previously I would have said no.. now in my younger days i was very open to new experiences, but shyness closed me right up.... so i missed out on a lot.... especially between the ages of 13 and 21..... but I feel i'm more than making up for it now.... life is not a rehearsal... i still find myself saying no to simple things like going to the pub, but having watched the film i've decided to keep an eye on that.... and to make sure that if i say no, that there has to be a good reason....I'm certainly enjoying life a lot more at the mo, partly down to a certain young lady of my aquaintance..... and i have also determined that i'm going to stop moaning that people don't say thank you enough, and make a concerted effort to thank everyone who has ever affected my existence in a favourable way.... but it becomes late (or early..) and the realm of the electronic ether is tiring these wise old whiskers.. so until we can all say thanks and yes, Wisebeard salutes you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The end of the quest....

so, creator of two of my childhood heroes, Noggin the Nog and bagpuss, is no more.. and the world is a sadder place without him.... now, the Beard is not going to sit here and say that kids programmes aren't as good as they used to be, as that is of course relative.. I know many children of today who find the Night Garden just as tedious as Mr Benn.. and that goes for the children of yesterday too... but i think that nowadays kids are denied the simplicity of that earlier age.. Mr Benn getting a circus over a ravine or Ivor taking coal to Grumbly just doesn't cut it anymore.... and there is a stunningly obvious reason for this, ignored or at least unmentioned by correspondents on Jeremy Vines excellent show earlier today.... and that is this.. regardless of lessened attention spans, (of which more later...) and other such pseudo reasons, comes the simple fact that life is seen as being more complicated than it was... there is so much more for the young to master nowadays, including the fact that there is more history.. look at computers, mobiles, et al... whether this is a good thing or not is another matter... and as for the attentioi span.. well, lets be honest, although we could lay the blame on MTV, it's obvious to the beard thatlife in general has become more and more a series of soundbites as the years have gone by.... simply because we have the notion that there is more of it to fit in... long gone are the days when a child worked in the fields etc for most of the daylight hours, and sat by the fire listening to long stories while carving buttons.. and once the victorians had inventedthat myth called "Childhood" the fate of the nation's young was decided.. all of a sudden they had to be amused.. at least the ones who could afford not to work.. and that led to moves to let the poor ones play, and then we had to find stuff to fill their time, and school was invented because we thought maybe playing all day wasn't such a good idea after all.... for lets be honest, childhood is a very recent invention..... so recent that it is still only just reaching certain areas of the globe.... and it is this that has caused the gradual reduction in attention spans.... the fact that children are allowed to be distracted.. it has happened in adults too, but usually we're too busy chiding the kiddies to notice.... the reason tv programmes are the lengths they are is the result of our attention spans, not the cause of it.... but there we are.. and lets be honest, most people (even kids) can concentrate on something they enjoy for ages.... but if received wisdom is correct, none of you will have hung on this long, so until we can all be the only engine n a male voice choir, Wisebeard salutes you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hold ups......

and not of my favourite variety.. but has anyone noticed that as the pace of life gets quicker, things are seeming to jam up more.. not just computers and traffic, but lives, bottle tops, doors.... and important stuff too.... only today, Stansted airport was held hostage by some people so secure in their beliefs that they felt they had to impose them on others.... now, to be honest, I think they were in the right.... and their philosophy, that enough talk has been talked, and we need action, is most probably the right one too... but wat they fail to realise is that most people just don't care about the environment... tigers are lovely to look at, but who really cares if they become extinct.... I mean, the Beard recalls the Yangtze river dolphin going the way of the dinosaurs, and the complete lack of emotion it inspired beyond a quick aaaaawww.... did it really affect my life? which is the entire problem.. unless something impacts on a persons life in some way, they find it almost impossible to care for very long... its my belief that in twenty years time none of the protesters of today will want to recall what they did and why... apart from a few idealist idiots like the Beard.... the problem is that saving the world is important.. but people don't really understand important... to most people important is getting to work on time, finishing a report, buying that car, going on holiday... given the choice between stopping their grandkids living in a poisonous slum and going on holiday, well, Ibiza wins every time.. we can always do the other later.... or better yet let someone else do it... most people's priorities are material comfort for themselves.... and if we're honest they always have been.... its like the old argument of the NIMBY... I want proper reception on my mobile, but i don't want a phone mast nearby.... I don't want night flights out of Donington, but I want a cheap holiday.... I don't really want to pollute the atmosphere, but hey, I got to have that 3 and a half litre BMW.... saving the environment is a nice idea, but its just too inconvenient.... we'd much rather salve our consciences with vain "carbon offsetting schemes", recycling, and wishes that there were valid electric cars, without actually looking at the whole picture and realising that all this is a sop to the capitalist society... Mr Big is not going to be alive in 200 years, so why should he care.... and more importantly, why should he do things that will reduce his income... because that what is needed to save the world.. not more stuff that isn't as bad for the environment, but less stuff altogether... and that means less work, less money, less material possessions... and unfortunately for all of us, less intensive farming, more starvation, and eventually a drastic decrease in population... I've mentioned before my belief that the Chinese, held up as a model of tyranny, are in fact doing the right thing by deliberately limiting their population... nasty as it may seem, we need fewer kids... a lot fewer, especially as we've made sure we all live too long, and have done our best to get rid of everything that previously limited our numbers.... but i digress.. the point is this.. i think... we have to choose... drastically change our lifestyles, become poorer and less materialistic, or carry on as we are.... lets be honest.. we won't destroy the planet, only ourselves, and one interpretation of the Gaia hypothesis says that that is what we are in fact doing, and therefore we should carry on..... i think the ones who want to holiday in the sun and watch eastenders every night will win in the end... and that ultimately that will be for the best.... but then i've always been an incurable optimist... but it is late, and bed beckons.... so until our great grandchildren get the world we deserve, Wisebeard salutes you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Zack and Miri....

made the Beard giggle today, along with a certain young lady of my aquaintance... and may I say that Traci Lords still looked hot... just as I remmeber her from the old days... but I digress... I'm a big fan of films, and I'm especially a big fan of the old "good friends realise they're actually in love" plot.. Some Kind of Wonderful and Gregory's Girl spring immediately to mind.... and I got to thinking how strange it was that some of us seem to like films that others would not expect us to... for example, Beard junior loves, as well as the obvious Bond and Diehard stuff, "Photographing Fairies," "Picnic at Hanging Rock" and has expressed a wish toi see the new Eastwood opus, "Changeling.." none of which one would usually expect of a teenage boy.... but expectations are never the surest of things.. now, whether its the truth, or whether they're just scared of admitting it, none of his friends seem to liker anything other than the sorts of films they're supposed to like.. now, if this disparity is the truth, it makes the Beard wonder why.... is it some innate propery that enables him to enjoy Falling Down (the movie that is, not the accident...) and to understand the concept of said film... or is it simply that he's used to seeing me watch that sort of movie...?? or is it simply that like and dislike are too complex by far?? or even that the nly reason most young uns don't enjoy these films is simply that they've never sat down next to a parent with a big bag of doritos, a bottle of shandy and a few biccies, and actually attempted to watch it... one thing I saw the other day, which I always find irritating, was a young boy asking his mum if he could watch such and such a program on the tv.. only for his mum to reply in the negative, adding the qualifier, "you wouldn't enjoy it..." how on earth can she say that, without giving him the chance to actually watch it...???its one thing I've never said to the smaller Beard of teh family.... I let him watch (based on content, obviousy, which is a different thing altogether.. a five year old and Alien do not really go together...) and then he decides for himself... and ocasionally he'll watch something he didn't enjoy, to see whethr he now does..... which i feel is a good sign.. but then it has always been my philosophy that one should always try a thing twice... after all, the supposed dislike may be simple unfamiliarity... but as usual I'm in danger of rambling and losing the plot.. so all I will say is that my weekend so far has been very very good.. definitely up to WOW!!!! standards.... thanks entirely to a good movie, a good home made meal, and some extremely good company..... so until we all get asparagus with our fish and chips, Wisebeard salutes you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i can tolerate anything....

except intolerance.. or so someone once said..possibly the Beard himself, but possibly, indeed probably not... but I digress... but I was musing this morning, whilst travelling up towards Kirk Langley on the changing nature of food intolerances and attitudes towards.... now, when I first became intolerant to milk, at the age of four, and it seems now not connected to a bout of mumps at all, no one I knew had ever heard of someone who couldn't have milk....even at 18 I was considered a bit of a freak.. peanut allergies were just coming into style, and coeliac problems were of course well known, but this was long before the spectre of lactose intolerance, caused in some cases, mine included, by a lack of faulty genetic material, had begun to haunt the pages of women's health magazines and the GMTV sofa.... we few with the problem (including, so I am reliably informed,75% of all sub-saharan Africans and their ancestors, descendants and forcibly shipped American cousins...) were treated like fussy eaters.... to the extent that a teacher once forced a lump of cheese pie into my mouth (those were the halcyon days of teacher power) and was very surprised by my projectile vomitting and severe case of the squirts 15 minutes later.... but I digress again.... starngely back then, someone with genuine problems was a wierdo, but someone who didn't like Chinese food, or tuna, or mayonaisse was totally accepted..... now of course, it seems to be the other way around.... everyone and his dog has some sort of (mainly self diagnosed) dietary intolerance ( and I'm not attacking intoleranced people...remember, the Beard himself has more than a lactose problem.. my genes apparently stopped accepting milk proteins, fats and sugars at the age of weaning, and unlike the more developed of our species, never aquired the gene that allows the milk of other mammals to be digested... so even the goats milk is off the menu.... soya milk, awful tasting as it undoubtedly i, is ok.. but finding the teats on the beans to get the milk is proving a thankless task... but I digress...) and whereas some peopel do find relief from cutting out wheat and milk from their diets, this does seem to be partly to do with the incredible power of teh placebo effect, and the natural effect of finally widening the diet after too much dependency on (a) a food meant for the babies of a different species and (b) possibly the most hybridised, treated, refined grass product there is.... this is bound to make anyone feel better, in the same way that switching from processed mushy peas to fresh garden ones, or from white bread to coarse wholemeal would.... too much wheat is bad for you.... but whatever, nowadays, not liking such modern staples as beef chow mein, tuna and mayo sandwiches and spaghetti bolognese is now seen as wierd... so teh Beard still cannot eascape being seen as fussy.... sometimes I feel I must be the only person in the world who can't stand tuna or salmon (partly I admit because I associate the smell with cancer, but thats by the by...) or indeed any other fish that isn't white and out of the sea... cod, haddock, coley, sea bass.. absolutely fine.. but with my aversion to salmon, fish eggs, and rare steak ( medium at the very least... sorry) I feel as out of place at a posh do as I did at the cheese and wine party I attended... as a designated driver.... and don't get me started on Mayo.... and not the area of Ireland.... sorry but the idea of beating together oil, vinegar and raw egg seems like some bizarre hangover cure, not something I would want with my food.... but dietary problems such as this cause problems all round... having to check ingredients is a minor inconvenience, down there with the dread of new and improved recipes, which invariably involve the adding of some milk related product.. why doi I need skimmed milk powder in my salt and vinegar crisps.. and for all the gods' sakes, what idiot though it was a good idea to put stilton in a steak and kidney pie.... the man should be shot.. and all food designers should be made to say "cheese is not an improvement" ten times a day... for its amazing where you will find the dread stuff... although as an aside, one brand of cheese and onion crisps had no milk products inside at all..... they were very proud of their artificial flavourings... oh, the heady days of the seventies... but i ramble and ramble... and once more i forget the point i wished to make.... except to say that just as attitudes to dietary intolerances have cahnged, so have attitudes to any intolerance... but unfortunately, just as the gluten free are no longer strange, but the tuna free are, so the butts of our other, more destructive intolerances have not faded away, merely changed shape and colour... years ago it was blacks, and asians, and jews, and gays.... now its muslims, afghans poles, eastern europeans... true, pockets of the old intolerances still persist, but soon we'll have forgotten who we were at war with.. its the old Eastasia/Eurasia thing again.... the war never ends.. only the name of the enemy changes.. and if you don't get it, read 1984.... Mel did, and I hope it meant something to her.... and hi to Roberto Ferrari while I'm at it.. but to sum up, if every one was a bit more tolerant, it would at least boost the agriculture sector.... so until we can all tolerate the tolerant and intolerant alike, Wisebeard salutes you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

november cometh, and the shrubs do wilt....

and the beard has on offer a potential prize to whoever can tell me from where that quote comes.... for the Beard, as all (or at least some) know is a lover of quotes, quotations and quoting.... even to the extent that a whole day was once spent responding to every query, question and enquiry with a relevant quote from Alan partridge.. no mean feat, I'm sure you will agree.. but despite the best efforts of lorry seats, flower pots and karate knees, theBeard is back to plague the old information dual carriageway..... but I digress.. now, for a while I have been promising news of my friend Andy, and his canvas sheltering attempts.. well, with the true spirit of Scouting rearing its head, Andy has been forcibly evicted from his tent, and locked in a shed.... well, in a manner of speaking..... it seems that the staff on said site have taken pity on the (relatively) harmless loony who has descended upon them from the uttermost midlands, and have seen fit to avoid the finding of frozen hypothermic bodies (and believe me, they can seriously clog your lawn mower...) and have therefore allowed him the use of a shed.... which, by the time this reaches you, should have been painted, cleaned and moved into, which apparently makes the thing a hut rather than a shed..... or possibly even a cabin..... but I digress..... the sight of Andy besuited from his tent every morning must have been a strange one.. but possibly no stranger than seeing him at any other time.... but apart from that, he seems to be doing well.... and we're all waiting for him to graduate to a shack, buy a banjo and start wearing gingham... but I digress.... good luck to him in his venture.... and all being well, he should be receiving a surprise around Yule Time.... if I can get organised.... which to be honest is unlikely..... but there we are..... but november is drawing on, and the new year is off to a flying start.... the first frost has come, and the Beard is still trying out names for the last year.... heading the list so far are The Year of the Van, The Year of Taking Control, or possibly The First Year of Two Blogs..... who knows.. I sahll decide on one eventually... but until all our years have the names we wish, a Happy (belated) New Year to one and all, and Wisebeard salutes you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

november cometh, and the shrubs do wilt....

My name is Jack..

and apparently I live in the back of the Greta Garbo Home... which may or may not please my young friend at Iconista.... but there we go. suffice it to say, the Beards are back from their annual jolly to North wales.. Beard and beard junior, a caravan, mountains, sea and caves... a trip to the zoo, and a trip to the emerald isle by large canoe... well.. HSS ferry anyway... and very enjoyable too, though the first sight of european money had the younger of the pair muttering about toy money... but the sights of Dublin appeased him somewhat... but unfortunately the crossing was dolphinless.... however, we did experience the loneliness of Dolbadarn in the twilight, and saw the beautiful underground lake of Llechwedd, where a fellow visitor was astounded that a place like that actually had taxis.... which made several eyes cast towards the ceilings.... and our annual pilgrimage to the top of foel Fras took advantage of the second least rainy day of the week... I can also report with glee that petes eats in Llanberis hasn't changed at all.... but my brain is still slightly addled, and bed beckons.. until we all reach our summits, Wisebeard salutes you......!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

more avocets...

Now, those of you who know the Beard (and you are few...) will know that I don't set a great deal of store in celebration... and my own birthday has always been near the bottom of the list.. to be honest, ever since i was a bout 1 I've wondered what the fuss was about.... now, I'll not go so far as the Cartholic Encyclopedia, which states that only sinners celebrate the day they were born into this world.... to be honest, its more a sense of why bother than of actual fear of sin.... and I've never felt any less happy by not making a song and dance.. in fact, a lot of people I know are not even aware when it is... I myself have forgotten about the thing on numerous occasions, only remembering when phoned by the Mother-of-Beard asking why I haven't been round to pick up my card yet.. but there we are... anyway, this year myself and others conspired to make some sort of event of the date, as a practice for next yera, when suppos3edly I hit the "Big 40".... so, on Saturday night, myself, Beardson, and two friends, with the unlikely names of Robandsonic went, along with Mrs sonic to the by now fairly well known Wing Wah all you can eat buffet in mystic Burton.. as always, the service was spot on, the food lovely and the atmosphere suitably atmospheric.... many things were eaten, many elbows nudged, and teh Beard had a much too close encounter with a distress flare and a melon... but it was an enjoyable evening.... the next day, the Natal Day itself (no no no... not the South African Province.. ) was maybe not quite so good... despite the best efforts of a certain young lady.. a nice meal at the Dog and Hedgehog, followed by an interesting dessert could not get rid of the sinking feeling and the impending doomness that settled over me.... and due to certain events, company has been parted.... we liked each other, we decided.. but not enough.... and the Beard, while grateful to her for doing her best not to spoil the birthday, reflects taht it was only her presence that made it special... as normally it would have been a day like any other.... and although certain aspects of the day had an appeal of sorts, I did miss the first half hour of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.... although, I did see all of Planet of teh Apes.. the proper one.... so, not at all a wasted day!! but in the best tradition of beardness, I wish the lady well, and hope she finds what she's after.... but it ahs left me more determined than ever not to bother with my next one.... so far both attempts to make birthdays special for me have failed.. last time I was 18, and failed to get an invite to my own party... not that i like parties much anyway.... but it is, as they say, the thought that counts... but stil, I fail to see the appeal of birthdays.. I could get all marxist, and claim that the whole day is simply a capitalist invention to increase greed and encourage spending.. but I think christmas has that all sewn up by itself.... so that got me thinking... how long ago did the celebration of getting nearer the end of life begin??? apparently it existed at the time of Nebuchadrezar.... but why did it ciome about... was it, as I suspect, a festival of gratitude that one had actualy managed to survive another year?? but why a year?? why not six months?? why not a communal feast of surviving winter?? why was it considered that anyone would be remotely interested in knowing that such and such was born on this day... it alweays possible that once governnments had decided to record the deaths and births of all, that some primeval equivalent of Clintons or hallmark suddenly had a brain wave.... but I digress... suffice it to say the Beard is young, free and single again.. or at least single... looking forward to the future, and backwards to the past, and still waiting for an update from Tent living Andy.. of which more later.. but until we all realise that days are all days, and births are births, Wisebeard salutes you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A sad week or so...

so, a bit of a sad last week or so.. first, we were saddened at school and scouts to hear of the sudden death of a good teacher, and wife of one of our best Scouters....our hearts go out to the family... then of course Paul Newman, not one of my favourite actors necessarily, but in one of my favourite films (clue.. its on one end of a bee...) has died... a taxi driver friend of my dad's, known as Shep went the way of all flesh... (interestingly, his Dad, also a taximan, was known as Shep's Dad.... which caused confusion when I was smaller, when I announced Shep as "Shep's dad's son...") and on top of this, a person who i always saw as a friend, despite everything, died a week ago.. I speak of Joe the Gorilla, long time resident of Twycross Zoo.... me and Joe had a very limited friendship, separated by glass.... but having been a visitor to the zoo for many years, and being fortunate enough to have a son who gets free admission to the zoo, I saw Joe often..... he would alweays stick his lower lip out at me, and I would reciprocate.... and on occasion, if there weren't many people around, he and i would "touch hands" through the glass... which astounded many other visitors... we would often just sit there, neither of us quite looking at each other.... its a gorilla thing... i think we understood each other... and i was going to launch into some observation about how sometimes such a friendship can bbe more rewarding than the usual standard sort of thing, but I'm not... instead, I hope everyone who has been bereaved recently or not so recently has the courage to cope with the loss, and the comfort of their close ones in their sorrow and grief.... time may not heal, but it does lessen the pain... and may all those who have passed from here to wherever find themselves where they hope or deserve to be... and until the rapture, the ragnarok, nirvana or whatever reunites us all, Wisebeard salutes you!!!!!

Yes.. we know it's an anagram....

but it didn't bother Tolkien, and it won't bother me.... but a certain young lady and the Beard spent a very enjoyable day at Sarehole Mill, it sunny (and it was) Hall Green today.. an Oasis of calm and country in the middle of my favourite conurbation.... then it was off for a very nice steak and ale pie at The Peacock, where the beard managed to find his favourite Fentiman's tipple, the botanically brewed Sevile Orange and mandarin Jigger... lovely!! And, after a poetry sharing experience, all I can say of the rest of the afternoon is my customary wow.... although it deserves capitalisation. so WOW!!!!!! as Bogey said, "Here's looking at you, kid..." though what relevance that has is lost on me... but, as I am pretty certain that the young lady concerned will read this, may I just say another WOW!!!!! before saying that until we all walk through crowds like Peter Lorre, Wisebeard salutes you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cornish, Dawnish......

Well, for the last two mornings, The Beard has woken to dawn breaking through the widows of a transit van.... or even the windows of one..... contrary to the perceived meaning of that pseudo-sentence, we are not plagued by early rising female burglars, and neither has the Beard yet received his just desserts and been rendered homeless.... no, instaed the pitching abilities of Beard junior and his accomplice left the tent I was due to inhabit wetter inside than out, and, discretion being the better part of the virtue of your choice, I decided to inhabit the rear cargo compartment of my box on wheels.... which was comfier than I thought it would be, with my cargo blankets laid beneath me, and a 4 season Blacks sleeping bag.... in fact, it was a lot comfier than the alst van I slept in, which was an Astramax, if anyone remembers those..... and I'm sorry if you do... although, to be honest, they remain my favourite car based van.. but i digress... the camp in question was laid on at a beautiful campsite owned by our Scout District, and involved our Cubs, and their leaders... one of whom had planned the whole thing.. so at least we knew who to blame.... for a first camp, it was quite successful.... more so than many other first camps I've been on.. so kudos to Baloo for the event... and to good old Jim for bringing his spinny-thging target, which made the shooting far more worthwhile.... but before this degenerates into some Scouting blog (and what sort of person would involve himself with such a thng... cough, cough...) I shall attempt to vainly make some point to replace the one I was going to make and have now forgotten.... waking in a strange environment can be a tricky thing... admittedly, I 've woken in some very strange ones in my time, from cardboard boxes (of which more later) to vans, to other peoples gardens.... most of my awakenings have been under canvas of one type or another, and it is only when opening the flaps that the strange surroundings take hold with that feeling of "where am I???" which seems to not occur on a regular holiday.... I rarely get that feeling nowadays, accustomed as I am to spending most of my summer weekends in fields, but it still occurs.. not to the extent to which it consumed an erstwhile friend of muine, luckily.. once, waking in someone elses house after a party, he went to where his bathroom would have been, and proceeded to perform the most necessary of his ablutions in a totally innappropriate room.... to the horor of his hosts... now, a certain young lady of my acquaintance is currently ensconsed in one of the many equivalents of Alan partridge's Travel Tavern (hopefully not a sordid little grief hole.... ) down in the Summer Country of Kernow.... there are many such places masquerading as hotels the world over, the most notorious of course being the Holiday Inn and the Granada Travelodge.. myself and Beard Junior stayed in the York one once, simply because the YHA was booked solid.... and it was not a bad experience, but that was possibly due to the fact that we spent only the hours from 10 till 8 within its walls, and for most of that we were asleep.. and tired in a far off land, a bed is a bed.... but yet again I digresss... or maybe not... now, the view from our window was a surprisingly picturesque drainpipe and yard-with-bins aspect, but luckily the window was so small and high thatin order to view it we had to move the trouser press so that we could get the sofa bed close enough to stand on.... and then wondered why we had bothered.. even more fantastically, we found that we had allegedly the best view of the hotel... looking up we could vaguely make out the sky through the orange glow of Wetherspoons... on the floor below, the same angle took in the greasy kitchen vent of the same establishment.. or so I was led to believe... but it reminded me of something Jasper Carrott (or possibly Billy Connelly.. who may or may not be the same person...) said on stage.. that before going to bed, he would write a message on toilet paper and stick it to the ceilking, so that on waking he would be greeted by the words... "YOU ARE IN SHEFFIELD!" or wherever he was... simply because the sameness of these places had led him to ask one night how everyone in Manchester was, to be greeted by silence from the Swindon crowd he was addressing... even more embarassingly, he allegedly walked around a German town for three hours believing himself to be in France.... but yet again my point evades me.... except to say that this sameness is, in small ways, a seemingly good thing... at lerast we all know that wherever we are we can have flat trousers... but in other ways, it is eroding the individuality of towns and villages, and, even more frighteningly, the very individuality of individuals... as the places around us conform to each other, we attempt to rebel, and show our individuality by our choices of clothes and behaviours, without even realising that we are being conned into conforming...everyone jumping everybody elses train, as the cure would have it.... for if everyone's style was completely different, then copying someone would be non conformist.... but it isn't... biut it grows late, and the Beard possibly needs to sleep... but not in a van this time.... so, until we are all lying there in the Start Suite (sorry to Mac Davies), Wisebeard salutes you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lost.. and Found.....

Now, strange as it may seem, the Beard loves a walk in the woods as much as the next man.. who is almost certainly Ray Mears.... and so, when a certain young lady mentioned the possinbility of a walk through Cannock Chase, the Beard of course jumped at the chance.... although, to be honest, if this young lady had suggested a four mile stroll through the middle of a run down housing estate, i would still have leapt several feet.. such is the appeal of the right company.. which remiinds me of a very poor joke.. a Captain in the Royal Artillery walks up to a lady of the night, and asks, "How much for the pleasure of my company..." "£40, " responds the magdalen... "Very reasonable, " the officers says, then turns a way, and shouts, "Company! By the left...." but i digress... after an M6 themed meeting, following a strange journey behind a man who insisted at driving past all speed cameras at 20mph, despite being in a 60 mph zone, we arrived at that ancient forest and hunting ground, where, despite not being startled by a deer, the Beard lost his famous sense of direction, mistook one path for another, and ended up somewhere totally different... whichh is possibly a metaphor for life... or possibly life itself is the metaphor for walking in woods.. who can tell... but regardless, the walk itself was fine, as was the subsequent sit in a rather deceptoive public house.... from the outside it looked like your familiar, slightly run down but still presentable corner local.. inside it was quite modern, with wide screen tvs and Deal or NoDeal being projected upon a wall.. and Noel Edmonds is a frightening enough concept on a 20 inch screen.... although he did help me increase my stocks of Lego at a time when such things were important.... the atmosphere inside, however, belied the laminate floor, being very much local... it was as if the regulars had simply ignored the changes and carried on as if their pub had not gone a bit tarty... which is possibly a good thing....but anyway, while walking along hese paths through the chase, and being totally deer-less, I had little time for introspection, as I was too busy talking and listening... which is not necessarily a bad thing... as one of my friends (yes, i do have them, contrary to appearances..) once stated, "if your mouth ever stands stil, your brain will start working... so please keep talking..." but looking back, I'm thinking that an awful lot of us are just like that walk... on a nice, familiar path, knowing just where we are heading, only to find that we are on a different path, and that our plans for the destination are now immaterial...... and that it is far too late to turn back and get on the path we want.. which is where Andy (the tent guy) has my respect, for realizing that the tarmac he trod was actually the wrong bit, and retracing his steps... he's one of the few that has done it in time.... it may be, however, that we look along the wrong path, and realize that it seems better than the path we were going to take... in which case, good luk to you.. or that the path is at the least no worse for leading in the wrong direction... and teh Wiseness of the Beard lies in part in recognising the joy in all possible paths.... and as I was never sure which path i wanted to take anyway, did it really matter which one drew my feet along its slightly muddy, occasionally ankle turning track??? One thing we can never know is what would have happened if... which is a subject for campfires and science fiction, not remorse and regret.... i imagine that i think what I'm trying to say is, try to enjoy what you've got, and where you've been.... and if its too late to get on the right path, remember that short cuts make long delays, and there are deeer out there somewhere... and as for the rest of my sunday, all I can say is another wow!! and possibly yet another for good measure.. wow!! so, until we get surprised by deer on the path, Wisebeard salutes you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so.. thats the weekend over...

And what a weekend.... a saturday, a sunday, and possibly part of a friday, depending on whom you ask.. me and Beard junior vacuumed out the Transit, watched a Clint Eastwood movie, and I was treated to baked bean toasties courtesy of Junior and Breville.... and news came through about Andy.. the prospective tent dweller.... Ebay has provided the tent, and a load of other gear (thanks, Pam McCormack!.. Odin will reward your generosity!) so, the great adventure is well on track to beginning... despite Morris Minor related malarkey... good old Alec.. The Beard has also got into the stride (well.. largish step, at least) of writing again, and Todd and Oslo are well on there way to literary stardom... and it has been a weekeknd (ish) of meeting new people and getting along with them.. first, big up to Lucas of Oakham, a very customer oriented chap from the now incinerated Oakham Co-op, who drivers mated for me on friday.. a great chap, very polite, personable, and with the same customer service bent as myself... given the choice of finishing the deliveries or getting back in time fro his lift home, he opted for the former.... so the Beard gave him the lift he had missed.... it was the least i could do.. he appeared to enjoy his day out of the hurly burly of retail... and seeing new places, even if they were new Parks, Braunstone and Northfields.... but new is new.. and of course, today I met a very nice young lady in tamworth.. and a fter a stroll around the Castle (home of the Ferrers of groby, among others..) a nice sunday lunch and a few drinks (soft of course....I'm with the poles when it comes to driving...) all my usual courtesy and discretion allows me to say is wow.... but more of that later..... until all our ouches turn to wows (cheers for that one Gary!), Wisebeard salutes you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ime for ea....

The Beard has just noticed.. occasionly my "t" key fails to work... it took three attempts to get all these working.... until we all have tea for time.. Wisebeard salutes you.......................!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

trust.. or lack of it...

now, the beard has always been big on trust... its partly the scout Promise that he made when aged eleven, and partly a possibly misplaced optimistic belief inn the general goodness of most people.. even though my wiseness does not extend to believing in altruism.. lets be honest, we may be ale to fool ourselves, but every good act we do is for some sort of personal gain, no matter how ethereal.. but i digress... what got me thinking about trust today of all days was a comment made by an aquaintance on internet relationships.. now, I think most of us, myself included, would have agreed with him.. basically, his point was that, even with the advent of webcams and such like magical parraphernalia, it is impossible to ever be totally sure that the person you're chatting to is who they say they are.. so much so that it led to this exchange...

" I'm chatting to a gorgeous blonde from Surrey at the mo.."
"How can you be sure that she's a gorgeous blonde?"
"Because she says she's a fat bearded trucker called Kevin.."
Which I think illustrates my basic point.. for lets be honest, there are a lot of wierdos out there... and it is very easy to pretend you're someone else... although lets be honest, thats what most of ius do every day anyway.. but more of that later... but that got me to thinking (oh gods.. NO!!!!) thinking logically (Forgive me Mr Spock!!) having a friend you know only through the old world wide interweb thingy is really very little different to having a pen friend.... so why are we so worried about it... why the lack of trust?? Well, the beard can see several possible reaesons.. firstly the speed of communication.. being very near instant, its far easier to be lulled.. and far easier to fail to spot any inconsistencies that in a letter would stand out on rereading... also there is the ease of access that email can give us.. lets be honest, just tap in your own addy, change one character, and send. chances are someone will receive it.. so where pen friends would get together through newspaper ads, school projects, etc, internet friends made through so called networking sites are vetted a little less... probably a lot less... which is not a good thing... but more than anything, I think its our basic mistrust of magic that gets in the way.. some marks on a bit of paper.. well.. we all understand nowadays how they came about.. writing is no longer the magic it once was.. but computers.. the web.. email.. as a slightly wiser man once said, "Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.." and lets be hones, computers are still magical devices, the modern age palantiri if you like... crystal balls (and that could even be a literal description!)... and that makes the whole process magical.. and we've never trusted magic....either that , or we have some strange graphology gene that enabes us subconciously to analyse handwriting and therefore figure out what sort of person wrote to us.... I mean, for several years i wrote regularly to someone in New Zealand... now i never met her.. she could have been anyone.. even a man.. but that never crossed my mind... whereas it is in the forefront of most contacts i have through websites.. which is only sensible. but I shall continue to believe that people are who they say they are, until eveidence shows me otherwise.. as I've said, nearly all of us are just pretences.... so, unil we can all be who we are, Wisebeard salutes you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Appreciation of depreciation.. or something else... who knows....

Last night the topic of conversation got round, as these things invariably (or possibly variably) do to housing.. and more specifically its purpose..... now, I starteed out foolishly mentioning Andy's proposed tent living (making the obvious pun that I hope he doesn't get yurt...) and we got onto the alleged fact that apart from the UK no one else seems to have this view of house ownership being more than about having somewhere to live.... I'm told that most people in Germany and the US rent, leading to greater mobility and flexibility... which makes sense to me.. one of the many things standing in he way of, for example Mr Trepolpen of Truro getting his dream job in Northumberland is trying to sell his house... relocation is much easier for renters.. or would be if we had a greater percentageof rented accomodation available.. of which more later.... especially in a supposedly depressed market.. now, to me, the housing market has long seemed cockeyed... why, I hear you ask? Well, I shall tell you, despite you not possibly even being here.. but thats philosophy, and beyond our scope (and indeed ken..) well, lets compare it with the rest of the markets we have.. except possibly Coalville Market, which is, to say the least, a bit shabby... but I digress.... well, if, for example, petrol was housing, we would be celebrating all the recent price rises, and demanding the companies artifcially hike prices if they got too cheap... but houses.. the exact opposite... which I find strange.. now, to thousands out there, lower house prices are a blessing.. as it means they may finally be able to get somewhere to live... and that is the crux of the matter... now, someone is going to point out that the petrol analogy is flawed, as one intends to use the petrol, not re sell it... so lets compare it with a car instead... we buy it, intending to resell it a few years later.. but everyone expects the price to go down dramatically.... and i admit that a lot of that is down to wear and tear.. but no one would expect the price to go up..... even if he car was mothballed, and never used, it would lose some value.. but houses.... apparently though, a house is an investment.. and thsi leads onto another of my favourite rants.. (and there are many of those...) a friend of mine has bought his house.. he has no intention of ever moving.. yet he worries that the prices are falling..... now if he intended to sell, I could understand.. but although he doesn't want to move, he's feeling pressured to actually sell, in case the prices fall further! This makes no sense , at least not to the beard.. he doesn't worry that the beans he bought last week are now cheaper.... if one doesn't intend selling, what matter the price of houses..... I thinka long time ago we lost sight of what bricks and mortar are about... keeping the rain off..... if we could get our minds out of the investment set, maybe the market would stabilise... and maybe if we became more like the flexible renters of Europe and the US we would have a lot less stress.... after all, you can't take it with you... and as for leaving it all to the kids.... well... by that time they should have their own millstones.... and having to work hard for stuff rather than waiting for it all to fall in your lap never hurt anyone... but then I am apparently bitter and twisted.... though cider and twisted suits the weather better..... but yet again I digress.. until we all have a roof over our heads, Wisebeard salutes you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Strangely enough...

Now, strangely enough, whilst pretending to be at work earlier today, The Beard had an idea of something to write on here, but as is the way of these things by the time i could pull over and make notes I'd forgotten it all anyway, so didn't bother... so it was probably something important and earth shattering.... but that may not be a bad thing... sometimes it seems that shattering the earth may just be the solution.. but I digress.... suddenly remembering where I was has taken me to the vagaries of that strange brainfellow memory, and its exactitude, or lack of it... I've probably written of this elsewhere, but I don't remember clearly..but memory isnot an exact science.. peopel tend to think of memory as some form of library, full of unchanging exact records of the past.. but looked at objectively, we can see that that is not so.... memory is very subjective, and fleeting.. the book analogy falls down quite readily.. if I want t find a fact in a book, I go to te book, look in the index, turn to the page.. but memory.. there is no easily found book, no internal reference.. in fact, often the more we attempt to remember something, the further away the memory is.. its like not knowing which book to go to and finding all the pages stuck together, and in a foreign language.. for instance, I'm often struck by the vague memory that once I knew a synonym for Hebrew that was in very common usage, and began with K....but as no one else does, it would seem I must discard that memory.. along with the memory of a seventh great ape (as well as the gorilla, orang, gibbon (not great, i know) Bonobo, Chimp and man...) and that of an extra big cat.. (lion, tiger, leopard, snow leopard and jaguar are all there... and knowing the puma to be a small cat(honest.. its felis not panthera!) what was the other...) Some american scientis (if I remember correctly!) did an experiment... on the day of the Kennedy assassination he asked what several of his students were doing.. and he recorded what they said..... then a few months (or possibly years) later, he asked thenm again.. each could remember vividly what they were up to when they heard he news.. it was like it was only yesterday... and eighty percent of them gave totally different answers to their original ones.. now, this may not seem like a big thing.. and maybe its not.. but we do have a problem.. if we can experience life and truth only through our perceptions of that life, then our memories become truth to us... and if our memories are fallible, then our past alters... my personal past, objectively looked at contains many of the same events as that of my friends.. but if each of us remembers that past differently, then which of those is the true past???? Did my past happen as I believe it to or not.. and as our reactions to present and future events are based in some way on what we have learned from our past, then how can we be sure that what we think we have earned is in fact what we did learn.... as an example.. \i met a man the other day who remembered me from high school.. he knew my name, and shared some anecdotes about our schooldays together.. I remembered a lot of them happening to me.. so what, you say?? well, I'll tell you, so long as you say please.... well.. we went to different high schools, and didn't meet up till college.... but we both remember the said events happening at high school, and I'm very sure that some of them did not happen a t college.... so, who was right? me, or him?? Am i living under the delusion that i went to a different school? Where was i? I forgot the point that I was making.. I said if i was smart that I would save up for a piece of string.. damn.. sorry... forgot for a moment that I'm not They Might Be Giants.... its happened before, but never mind.. suffice it to say, if its true that alltime is concurrent and eternal, and that it only seems to pass due to the inability of our nervous systems to comprehend it in its entirety, then we're probably alright.... if not.. well, at least you can breathe a sigh of relief that I haven't brought in Schrodinger's cat and the trousers of time.. which is a relief to all concerned.. so until we all remember waht we were going to say, Wisebeard salutes you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Back home......

And as the fairly great Carter USM said, the only time i get homesick is when I'm at home.. but I think that goes for a lot of us...but the beard that is wise has survived yet another summer camp, has actuially unpacked, and is back to the land of typos and wierdness... or even weirdness.... Lincoln keeps changing... but then so does everywhere... Beard junior had a great time interacting with literally thousands of Scouts and Guides from all over the world.... and he also got chance to see more of his family... and made a birthday cake.... old friend became reaquainted, nee friends were made, dates were blinded (in a manner of speaking) and all sorts of malarkey, which culminated in a wild round of the hokey cokey at shortly before midnight, and the beard being told off by a guide.. but more of that later... but the greatest news is that one of my greatest friends is moving away.. to London of all places.. long ago the beard imparted the following wisdom... that it is far beter to be at the bottom of the ladder you want to climb, than it is to be near the top of one you don't.... so he has jumped from the ladder, narrowly avoided breaking his legs, and begun the long climb up the rickety old wooden ladder of teacher training.. and good luck to him... i know he'll succeed.... i am wise after all.... now we all know that london, that seaported funk hole of cowardly kings from long ago, is a fairly pricey place to live... and on his combined income of incredibly little, the poor guy was looking forward to starving in the gutter amongst the homeless before completing his course. but luckily for him, his scouting experience and a natural resourcefulness has found an answer... he will camp... who needs a flat or room when the good will of the Scout association and a tent will do the job better... and to those who don't envy him the winter months under canvas, just remember that winters used to be a lot colder.... and many people even now, in cold areas such as siberia, and Mongolia live in tented accomodation, or huts that we would deem unsuitable for even our mild weather.. which I think is one of our problems in te modern world.. we expect too much.. now I for one would be quite happy living in a self built wooden house, similar to a lot of sports pavilions I've seen.. but i am weird... to me, the roof and walls would be sufficient.. the actual look of the place is immaterial.. as i believe i've stated before, a couple of old railway carriages in a field would do me nicely... but most people expect things that in my youth would have been out of reach.. central heating, lcd and plasma tvs... new carpets every couple of years... we thought we were lucky getting a house with a fire in the kitchen as well as the lounge! we never even bothered about having frost inside the windows of our unheated bedrooms.. and look at cars.. my Cortina in 1983 counted as luxury. high backed seats, wood dash, two tone paint... nowadays people expec aircon even in non luxury cars... but i digress.. the point is that these expectations serve not to improve our lives, but to increase our dissatisfaction with it.. but why should this be? well, we always strive for more... thats a human survival technique... but that drive has been, in my opinion, channelled in the wrong direction.. but by whom? for what purpose? well as my old dad used to say (and probably still does... ) if you want to find the criminal, just look for who benefits... chances are that's your culprit.. so who benefits from our dissatisfaction? well.. i shan't answer that.. part of wisdom is allowing others to draw their own conclusions.. but suffice it to say there is no way I'll be buying any televisions until my old cathode ray tube goes pop.... but back to being admonished by under 16 year olds... a strange experience but one possibly familiar to those of a scouting or guiding bent.. it occured whilst sitting watching the sun descend before ligths out....its one of the best times at camp, as its the time when many of the young people actually let go, and talk properly, with no bravado or pretense... I shan't reveal any secrets, but suffice it to say, its amazing how well the bonds strengthen... as I was told many years ago by a young guide, apparently it is helpful for them to have someone to whom they can talk about things... someone who they see as a friend, but older and more experienced ( and hopefully wiser) than their peers... someone who isn't their mum or dad.. I'm sure we all know that feeling.... and looking back my old scout leader was such a person.... someone basically whom they trust and feel comfortable with... now this session was going the way of most of them, when one of the Guides (for our scouts were camping alongside some very good guiding friends of ours) said to me that I was a bit naughty.. when i asked her to expand on this statement, she and her accomplice stated that it was very obvious that the beard fancies their leader, and that i shouldn't, as she's married... now, as the beard values truth above most things, this attraction was not denied... but as I stated.. I fancy Nicole Kidman.. and she's married too.... and I was surprisingly supported by another Guide, who simply stated that one can't help to whom one is attracted... which is true.. and it was finally agreed that it would only be wrong if either of us did something about it... and as an honourable beard ( and wise!!!) I have no intention of making a move on a married woman... but i hope that my scouts are as protective of their leaders as those guides re of theirs... but I digress... its late, and I ramble.. both blogs will be keeping everyone updated on the subject of capital camping.. among other things..but until we all lower our expectations and increase our happiness, Wisebeard salutes you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Off to camp....

so its off to camp we go.. and this one promises to be very camp indeed... if the old interweb cafe is iopen, I may update while there... if not then Wisebeard twoblogs says have a good week.. and until we are all camper than campers, Wisebeard salutes you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What we all have in common.....

Strangely enough, I went to the pictures last night.. not that there is anything really strange about that, you understand, but watching the film (Hancock, with Will Smith...) I realised somethingh that to be honest I should have realised long ago... without giving away teh answer straight away, I'll just give a few examples.. sorry.... not exactly a digression.. but I digress... my favourite book by far is PeterBeagle's The Last Unicorn. my favourite anime is Evangelion, or possibly Noir.... I enjoy watching the Sweeney... and so on.. now, I'm a great believer that the main reason people enjoy plays, books, etc is that they can relate to the characters within.. which is why I detest Friends, and Sex and the City, but love Ally McBeal.... of which more later.... and it was while watching Hancock taht I realised why all these things appeal to me... from Ally herself, through regan and Carter, Schmendrick, Molly Grue, King Haggard, the Unicorn, Shinji, Rei, Asuka, Gendo Ikari, Mireille, Kirika... even Kaouru the final angel, all have one thing in common with both Hancock and me... and that, for those who have not encountered these people.. (and you should!) is not that they and I are fictional characters, but the simple human attribute of loneliness.... all are totally, irretrievably lonely.. with the possible exception of Molly and Schmendrick and Mireille and Kirika....and even then i doubt it.. Hancock, for those of you who have yet to encounter him, is a superhero. without giving away any of the plot, he is lonely.. not just alone, but lonely.... and here's the rub.. alone and lonely are not the same.. teh Unicorn is alone... but does not realise that she is lonely until she knows she is the last.. Hancock is alone.. but rei, Shinji and Asuka are not alone.. yet lonely they are, even after they all merge together with the rest of humanity during Instrumentality..... and here is where I relate to them.. I cannot recall, in my entire life, a single day when i did not feel lonely.. I was married, have a lovely son.. who is a joy to spend time with, most of the time... and spend time with scouts and cubs, and Beavers, and Guides and Leaders... I had two short relationships after divorce (although some would say there was only one.. of which more later...) and I but although I am not alone, I have always been lonely... and I'm sure it is the same for many others.... not that I've been unhappy, I hasten to add...well.. not always... well.. occasionally... for me, loneliness seems to be the default setting..... and I wonder how many others are the same.. as a herd animal we seem to be mortally afraid of loneliness.... peopel go to any lengths to avoid it.. I know I did... they get married to unsuitable people, clutch at the first person who shows them any affection, get into bad crowds... clubs seem especially good at preying on this fear, attracting you with the promise of seeing hundreds of others, and possinbly meeting someone who will assuage your loneliness, only to play loud music that is deilberately designed to isolate you from your fellow man, and increase your loneliness in order to persuade you to go again and again..... drumming into you that it is something wrong inside you that keeps you lonely, for how else could you be lonely with all these other people around..... but now I'm beginning to sound obsessed... perhaps its the loneliness.... I must admit that I'm not expecting to ever be cured of this malady.. the most i hope for are relationships with others that don't serve to increase the isolation.... for me that's good enough.... but for now, all I'll add is don't worry about loneliness.... there are too many people around for us not to be lonely.... until we all realise that lonely is not a threat, Wisebeard salutes you!!!!!!!

And it was morning...

But unlike Fish I don't find myself mourning for a childhood that left behind... mainly because I don't think I ever left it behind... but there we go... so far the week has gone well... an abortive bike ride to Derby, a brisk tidying of a Scout hut cupboard, a nice lunchtime at Oakham castle (sometimes I love this job!!) and best of all, a very nice date on Sunday... with a lovely woman who shall ( with typical Wisebeard confidentiality...) remain nameless.... now Ikea may not sound like a noted Social Venue, but as it is easy to find, fairly presentable and serves very nice meatballs at a very very reasonable price I'm surprised more people don't use it as such.... or perhaps they do.... the lovely weather was very conducive to a stroll round the lake at Shipley Park, followed by a drink (non alcoholic... driving..) at the Nelson and Railway in Kimberley... which was nice.... and combined my love of the water with trains... I can recommend it for the atmosphere, and (though I shouldn't say this..) the barmaids.... but I digress... I enjoyed it in a way I haven't fro a while... and I'm led to believe the young lady wasn't too unhappy with the afternoon.... so I think that goes onto the success board... but I digress.... suffice it to say, I am now quite hp, to use the old idiom, and well adjusted... well, adjusted anyway.... and looking forward to camp in a little over a week... apparently we've all got to dress as monkeys, so at least I don't need a costume.... its quite amazing (even to me ) how the simple things in life can be the most satisfying and pleasing.. which is how it should be... but as always, time is not on our side, and other duties call.... of which, more later... but if one dose of the Beard is not enough, I do have yet another blog out there... and it can be reached through Scouts.org...... sorry everyone!! If I can remember how it works I shall post a link, but until that merry day, Wisebeard Two-Blogs salutes you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Trips and starts...

well, the Beard that is wise has entered the exclusive club of boat owners... now, before you begin to imagine some plush well equipped yacht, sailing majestically along the Solent, Pimms swilling hoorays on deck, let me tell you that I'd feel far more at home in a war surplus MTB, or better still a knorr or drakar... of which, more later.. but I have been hankering after a canoe for a long time, dreaming of trips up canals, and across lakes.. and when i say canoe, i mean the open canadian type.. not a big fan of kayaks... but with even the cheapest i've found beyond my at present limited means, I've been land nbound, except for scout trips... so imagine my joy when while shopping in Aldi ( saviour of the poor and cheapskate... due to this fantastic German outlet i can feed my albeit small family for four weeks for less than 80 quid.. but i digress...) when i spotted a lovely little inflatable boat for sale at a staggeringly cheap 30 quid... now, i was under no illusions that it may not be perfect but my reasoning was that if it lasted for three trips it would be cheaper than the equivalent canoe hire... so into the van in went.. so, after our scout car wash one of our great helpers, Richard, offered to use his compressor to blow it up. and imagine my surprise when i saw how big it actually was.. big enough for three 12 stoners.. so just right for me and my son.. and on sunday we dunked it in the canal at Shackerstone, and went fro a boat.. it was of fairly good quality, and stable... but most of all, fun.. and it will now allow us a few cheap outings until i can either buy or build a canoe... i think we often forget in todays world of playstations, and international hiolidays how cheap fun can be... and how much more rewarding.. i mean, anyone can pay a hiundred or so for a console, then buy extra games and feel safe in the knowledge that little johnny is in his room rather than risking his life o the streets.. but for 30 quid little johnny, little jenny and dad could be foating down the canal, watching the moorhens and coots, dabbling with the fish.. and of course this is a one off payment.. go out ten times and its 3 quid a trip... plus you'll be bonding as a family.. i think we constantly fall into the trap of thinking that we are bad parents if we deny our children the so called modern essentials... that we are somehow second class citizens if we prefer to holiday off season in a caravan... and even more so that newer is necessarily better... I've heard parents say that they don't think johnny will like such and such an activity because its a bit old fashioned... but we find the opposite.. that kids actually seem to prefer canoeing, cimbing, hiking, even more than playing with expensive technology.. so why do we believe the opposite?? simply because we are told that this is so.. its rammed down our throats all day.. get a new phone, buy a new tv.. not because there is something wrong with yours, but because it has committed the heinous crime of not being new... well, i for one have never noticed my life being worse than anyone elses, and i don't own an lcd tv, sat nav, camera phone, playstation or anything like that.. apar from my mp3 player.. and thts a cheap one i bought because my sony walkman finally gave up the ghost.. i've no problem with replacing stuff that no longer works... when my tv finally blows its tubes, then i'll probably end up with an lcd one.. but we replace too much that isn't bust.. and that includes trying to replace kids imaginations and longings...but i digress.. until we all don't fix what ain't broke, wisebeard salutes you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Canals... but no martians....

So, today while travelling between Ashby and market Bosworth we decided to have dinner by the canal.. I mean, why sit in some awful car park or main road lay by if there's somewhere better, that's even on a quicker route! So, while my oppo was phoning his mrs, I had a nice stroll while munching on cake baked to a milk free recipe by a certain young lady... which was lovely... the sunny towpath was soon shaded with dappled green light throughh the trees, and Ipaused, watching the dragonflies, whirligigs, and moorhens... In the peace and quiet I found a wrens nest, and surprised a brown sort-of stripy bird with a fairly long beak.. no idea what it was, but my friend at Polyolbion is looking into it... I seem to have been within nature a lot these days.. on saturday night I waas sitting aone in a field, waiting for parties of girl guides to come along.. I hasten to add I was manning a checkpoint for a night hike!! the most often asked question was whether I was afraid, all alone in the dark.. my reply was that i was not at all scared.. when asked to expand on my answer I replied that I was not scared for the simple reason that I was alone.....therefor ethere was no one about to harm me... also, as i mentioned a couple of times, i couldn't think of anything that could be in the fields that was scarier than me.. but i digress.... the main thing missing today was a canoe.... but i'm working on it!!reminds me of yet another anecdote.. while caoeing along the Wye many years ago, as a scout, one of our patrol leaders decided he was a bit cold in his canoe... so he lit his camp stove, and placed it in the bows.... unfortunately it melted through the hull, and he sank.. which just proves the old adage... you can't have you're kayak and heat it.. and with that, I think I'd better go... until we all paddle our own, Wisebeard salutes you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Closing Down...

So, today we went to Shirley in the West Midlands, to pick up a load of stuff destined for Ilkeston... the Shop and Save in Shirley has shut its doors for the last time, leaving a hole in the high street, and a hole in the Co-op.... Shirley's not a bad place, but it has a lot in common with Coalville.... lots of charity shops, and lots of places shutting down... which is a shame... and the Co-op.... its come to something when a store in kettering is so strapped for staff that they request a sales person from Coalville to help them out on members day... but there youi go...its probably trite to say that business is down everywhere... but it seems particularly slow in our sector... which got me thinking... maybe we'd all be better off without money.. I mean, when it gets down to it, money's a prety artificial thing.. who originally thought of it? someone must have... man has always been a trader, and perhaps greed is useful in certain survival situations... but why did one person deep in prehistory suddenly decide he wanted a sheep and three quarters, plus a pretty rock in exchange for his cow, when previously a sheep and a half would have done... who knows, but i suppose while our government works as it does, we're probably stuck with it.. now we all know communism was flawed, never leaving the rule by soviet stage due to the self interest of the rulers, but surely there is merit in the Marxist ideal, "from each according to his ability, to each according to his needs..." or her needs of course.... but then I also believe that the good end justifies the means, and that the element of surprise is wrth ten armies, and that the first humans were carved from driftwood... as I'm sure Travis would agree... that is the Scottish musical group, not the blakes seven baddie.... which is another program they never seem to repeat.. unless i'm just looking in the wrong place.... and on the subject, what about All Quiet on the Preston Front.... the wedding do scene at the very end was pure tv genius... not to mention the line "I was the best chinese lancastrian Elvis impersonator in all of Blackburn..." and the leeches.. but I digress.... life can sometimes seem like a series of repeats, but one day transmission will cease.... maybe we should all try a different channel... preferably one that doesn't show Sex and the City... anyway, until we all get the tv we deserve, Wisebeard salutes you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As Promised Earlier....

So, I did say more of Sex and the city later... and as a beard always keeps his word, here we are... now some of you out there are big fans of the Sarah Jessica Parker vehicle, and what I'd like to know is .. why? Why can otherwise intelligent, discerning women not see what a dreadful programme it is??? I mean, far from being this wonderful, liberating treatise on the empowerment of women, it seems to me to be merely a crassly commercial paean to commercialism and consumerism, full of the worst kind of cynical product placement.. and can someone please explain why we are supposed to find the characters attractive?? I mean, Kim Catrall has had her moments (Two Golden Balls springs to mind...) but SJP??? She has that craggy prune like skin usually only seen in Australians of a certain age... now looks aren't everything, hear you cry.. and I agree.. but the SITC girls al seem shallow, grasping bitches.. if this is what women are supposed to aspire to being, I think I'll turn gay.... and what of this preoccupation with the search for Mr Big in his suit and with his good salary.. surely an unrealistic aim, considering what most rich attractive guys in this country are like... I was unfortunately accused of liking SITC yesterday, a comment which almost resulted in a semi-well-known editor and poet taking a tumble from the Wrekin.... but I digress.... he apologised, realising himself that he was confusing it with Ally McBeal, a truly empowering show, of which I am unashamedly a fan.. despite the dancing babbies and huge tongues, Ally is firmly rooted in realism.... where the SITC girls are all well off, successful and just need to find the perfect man to gain eteernal happiness, the lesson being that if you're a wealthy columnist you'll do it easily, Ally shows us a different side to success.. that money isn't everything.. not fro nothing was the original tagline Single, Successful and Falling Apart... Ally gets many chances for happiness, all ruined by her SITC-like insistence on waiting for the perfect man, who unfortunately is an idealised version of her childhood sweetheart who is now marrieed to someone else, and isn't the guy Ally wants him to be anyway.. she flits from relationship to relationship, and we the viewer can see, as outsiders, that she could be perfectly happy with the Dr, or the Plumber, or even the man who wants to fly... but as they are not ur-Billy, she can't.... her own search for an artificial happiness is what keeps her from happiness.. and who says the yanks don't do irony! No happy endings for Miss McBeal.. none of her affairs are enriching or trouble free... plus, despite the main cast being lawyers, the characters, unlike those in SITC, are recognisable.. and they are not even all well off... Elaine the receptionist is probably one of the most important characters in the show.. the least well paid, the lowest on the social ladder, she has dreams and happiness... having decided to aim for the stars yet be contented with her lot... she gains pleasure from the simple things in life... such as gossip, easy sex, and her face bra... Its a truly empowering program.. without being too obvious it allows us to see ourselves, and helps us avoid making the same mistakes of Miss McBeal and her friends... its genuinely funny, moving and poignant, reaching genuine depths... and I think Emmeline Pankhurst would have loved its portrayal of a woman in a responsible job but who is still a woman, struggling not against men's arrogance but her own feelings as a woman, struggling to be what she has been conned into believing she should be... despite realising that it is a con.. the opposite in fact to the SITc girls, who have fallen for the con hook line and sinker, and are now seeking to perpetuate it to a new generation.. is SITC really a male supremacist ploy to undermine years of womens lib?? Who knows.. but please please please, stop the endless repeats of SITC and lets have some more Ally...and until we can all be The Biscuit, Wisebeard salutes you!!!!!!!!

One of those days.....

no van...
no date.....
no petrol...
no fun....
ah well... used to it by now.... theres always tomorrow... whether it comes or not, Wisebeard salutes you!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Panic buying.... possibly...

Well, I spent a great deal of today avoiding people panic buying fuel.. not sure why...why they do it, that is, not why i was avoiding them!! I mean, ok, the tanker drivers from one company are striking... but the others aren't.... and there should be plenty of fuel in ther tanks to last till tuesday, unless of course some panicky individuals rush out to the petrol stations and unnecessarily fill up their cars... oh dear..... I remember in my youth it was bread... the slightest sproinkling of snow, and all the bread was off the shelves.. the Beard would queue behind trlloey loads of bread... and strangely enough, five days later when the snow was gone (for we had real snow back then.....it really did block roads... nowadays it's the drivers who don't know what they're doing that block the roads by smoothing it into ice driving too slowly.. but I digress( and in parentheses too...)) the bread would end up in dustbins... fewer of us had the luxury of a freezer back then.... so why did wew do it.. I know it dates back to the food hoarding prehistory of our race, when the only supermarkets ran very fast and had big claws, but why bread?? why not target tinned goods, or dried.. corned beef, beans, rice.. at least they almost never go off.. where is the sense in hoarding perishables..... ?? But there we are.... on thesubject of food (again) I'm thinking of embracing Freganism, and going on a food liberation spree.... lets be honest, the idea of picking up wasted (but perfectly good) foods frommthe supermarket bins is nothing new for me.... I used some perfectly good but past sell by date carrots and potatoes to good effect a few years back...lets be honest, if I'd bought them on the last day, they'd have been alright a week after.... I'm even guilty of eating one day out of date pork chops... I figure that for their own safety supermarkets must program in some degree of latitude in order to avoid lawsuits.... and I do like them well done... cooking destroys germs, and I have it good authority that week old roadkill is perfectly edible if boiled long enough... although it lacks appeal to an aesthetic gourmand like myself... but I digress.... personally i didn't go hunting for fuel. .. my MOT runs out tomorrow midnight, and I'm shopping for a new vehile all being well.... so no point putting in more fuel than i need.. at most I'm going into Coalville, and then Hinckley later on.. although I may be borrowing the Purple Bunny (a Ford Fiesta owned by my dad....) for the latter... unless of course I actually get a van in the morning.. which would be nice....so, with my son safely ensconsed in a b+b in Blackpool with his mother, and some pallets to move tomorrow, I leave you with this thought.. what happens if so much fuel is panic bought that the tankers are unable to refuel, leaving them unable to reach their depots to bring the fuel out to replenish what was panic bought.. now that would be a story.... so, with bed beckoning, and a day to look forward to tomorrow (and not just because of the van!!) Wisebeard salutes you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well.. what do I say..????

Its a slow time at work at the minute.. with the house prices depressed, no one wants furniture and white goods.. which to me just serves to illustrate the whole interconnectedness of reality... which in itself shows me to have too much time on my hands.... which is always a problem. as Douglas Adam's points out in his Hitch Hikers Guide books, human's talk a lot.... Ford prefect is originally convinced that we do this for fear that our jaws will sieze up, but later evidence shows him that actually we do it because if our jaws stop moving our brains start working.. and I must admit I'm inclined to agree.... I do most of my least productive thinking in the quiet periods of the evening or mid afternoon, and to be honest if some of these thoughts were ever translated into action we'd all have problems.. especially the ones about gas powered toasted sandwich makers... its getting round Breville's patent for the cut and seal action that's causing me the most problems.. but I digress...I often wonder if we'd all have been better of without the capacity for abstract thought, but then I also think that rain is wet, so who am I to judge.... and that again is a big human problem that only abstract thought could create.. the terrible "what if" syndrome.. many of us (too many) spend our lives wondering "what if...?" what if I hadn't married john... what if I'd not had that affair.. what if I'd told the boss where to go.. what if I'd listened at school... and some of us spend so much time on what ifs that we miss out on what's happening now.... unfortunately we can only travel in time in one direction, at the rate of 24 hours per day... so we can't go back and cange anything.. which is possibly a good thing... as my dad used to say, there's ten miles between should and is.... and toi be honest I think we'd all be beter off concentrating on the is.... which brings me to Wisebeard's tip of the year, a method of living that those such as L Ron Hubbard, et al, would make a 500 page book and loads of money out of, but I'll let you have for free.. its not the easiest advice to follow, despie its simplicity, but my mate Joe reckons its made his life better, and thats good enough for me.... so here it is.... in words of one syllable and more.... put simply, instead of worrying about something that has happened, or how you could have avoided it if only you'd etc etc, ask yourself this.... Is there anything I can do about it now? if there is, then stop worrying and do it.. if there isn't, stop worrying and get on with something else.... as i may have said before, we as a race, especially in the civilised west, tend to treat emotions as an end in themselves, rather than as signals... which causes a lot of problems... not to say that these emotions of hate, fear, love and the rest aren't useful, but they are there to tell us things.. fear is saying "get outta here..." love means "stay here.. this is a good one...." but they are just signals, and our inability to remember this leads to phobias, and in some cases divorce.....but I'm getting maudlin.... I think waht I'm trying to say is that in our attention deficit mtv world we tend to be disappointed when "love" doesn't last... we don't realise that love is just a pointer to something more important and ultimately more rewarding..... a relationship...... and i'm still using far too many punctuation marks..... so unil commas grow on trees like semi-colons already do, Wisebeard salutes you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Two in one day....

So, another post in the same day as the first.. and possibly even less coherent.... I did have something important to say, but as is usual with these things, it has gone completely.... so all I will say is that a lack of communication had caused me to become worried about a good friend of mine in the RAF, but fortunately he's ok.. to paraphrase Gene Hackman's character in Unforgiven.. "Heck,.. even I thought I was dead... turns out i was just in Cornwall..." And in case anyone out there from good old Kernow thinks I have something against Cornwall, remember I once sang the praises of Bude... although some strangely believe Bude to be in Devon... but then, some people think Castle donington and its adjoining airport are in Derbyshire.... fraid not guys.. they're on our side of the Trent.... and we get their Council Tax!! But then a lot of people get confused nowadays.. mainly due to post codes, which are based solely on proximity to a sorting office, and have nothing to do with local council boundaries... or Hinckley and Bosworth district council would be forever struggling with whether to blame Leicestershire or Warwickshire for various problems.... or possibly even Derbyshire... the point is, as Russel was once told, "no matter how far you go, and how fast you run, you're always in the space that you are..." but I digress.... until we all know where we are, Wisebeard salutes you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Strange things on my mind....

So, last night i was wondering about chips.. not whether or not to get some, but rather what it is in the human psyche that makes one person suddenly think "I know.. I'll slice up a potato and deep fry it in oil, just to see what happens..." once there were no chips... once there was no bread... once there was no fire... now some of these things we can explain by happenstance and serendipity.. a lightning strike sets the forest on fire, people notice that its warm, and someone takes a bit home as a souvenir.... and roast meat... some lucky guy or girl finds the smel of burnt animal strangely attractive, and takes a bite....pretty soon they're doing it deliberately.. but what about bread or beer? What sort of accident ends up with a mix of grain, water, yeast and sugar all coming together and fermenting or baking... that seems like deliberate experimentation to me... but why? What would make someone look at a small, undistinguished fungus and think, "I wonder if that will make my floury paste stuff more interesting... whoops, I've dropped it into that strange rockbox thing that dom left by the fire..." Most religions are so worried about the whole thing that they bring in divine intervention, Prometheus and Loki and Saturn, giving us agriculture, fire and beer... but not necessarily in that order.... and of course, being gods (and a ttan!) there's no need to ask where they got it all from... to me, its interesting, but ultimately unimportant.. all it really illustrates is that we are now so used to thinking and so ill supplied with things to think about that we'll think about all sorts of rubbish... unless of course you are James Dyson.... but i digress... in a world full of serious problems to think of, why do we sit and think of rubbish... is it because we don't really care? Or is it that we just don't enjoy it? Or possibly the fault lies with the fact that we are constantly having a lot of our thinking done for us by that evil entity the media and its illegitimate child the government... and strangely enough I'm having trouble... not only has this strange machine just sent me to a rail timetable without my express wish (pun intended...) but it as also wiped out half of the post, and I am now trying to replicate it from memory.. despite having been told that it has been saved.... strange.... basically, I was trying to get across that we are, when it gets down to it thinking engines, and one day we will all stop thinking about the unimportant things in life, like gilette razors and that Sex and the City film (about which more at a later date...) and begin to concentrate on something important.. and then we will be doomed... so until the thought begins to contemplate the notion of crossing our minds, Wisebeard salutes you!!!!!

Maybe I just didn't like to hear.....

But i still can't believe Speed Racer is dead,.... or so Tori Amos attests in her excellent "Cooling," one of my absolute favourite Tori songs (along with Honey, Almost Rosey, Silent All These Years, Yes Anastasia, and many many more....) And cooling has been on my mind for a while.. firstly, the line "this is cooling faster than I can" reminds me far too much of my last relationship, and secondly due to the continuing realisation and acceptance that we are still leaving an ice age.... and that therefore global Warming may just be a normal, expected, necessary thing.... remember the Jurassic period? Well we had real summers then... nowhere near as cold as now.. then we cool a bit into the cretaceous, but still hot compared to today...then the ice ages come along, and everything chills.... now, correct me if I'm wrong, but surerly on average the earth's dominant temperature is higher than it is curently.. so global warming could just be the planet getting back to normal..... aahhh! I hear yu say.. but global warming seems to be unnatural, man made, artificial.... to which i say, why does man made mean unnatural? We are just as natural as a grass snake, our skyscrapers just as natural as a birds nest.. not as pretty possibly... but we are part of nature... but we have grown so used to thinking of ourselves as being apart from nature, that we have no problem in thinking of ourselves as something different, strange, destructive, unnatural.... well, let me publicise some theories held by scientists who don't get the airtime.... firstly the idea that global warming is a good thing... most models show that the temperatur increase will lead to greater evaporation of sea water, and lots more rain in Africa... this coupled with the higher temps would lead to the tropical and equatorial regions being able to support two or three harvests a year... and europe could manage three every two years.... helping solve the food shortage.. true, there would be casualties... the gulf stream would possibly switch off, leaving us Brits with the climate we should have.. similar to southern alaska.... but thats no hardship... and as for the ice caps.. well, if the northern one melts, the sea level will drop... ice, being less dense than water, takes up more space... work it out... and if we get the thirty or forty degree rise it would take to melt the southern one, then the 70 degree celsius summers around the equator, with all the petrol nearly boiling, will probably cause more trouble than a twenty foot rise in the sea level.... which brings me to the most controversial of the theories.... to illustarte we need to go back millions of years to when the CO2 levels were much higher... (now what does that remind me of...).. we had back then many mat-like organisms that inhaled CO2 and excreted oxygen.. they became so successful that they spread and spread, and produced so much oxygenthat they poisoned their own atmosphere.... and died off, leaving the path open for things that had adapted to the oxygen rich atmosphere... now, couple this with a version of Lovelock's Gaia hypothesis, that the earth is a self regulating organism, and instead of jumping on the "man is a cancer" bandwagon, start thinking logically... warm planet... planet cools... for next stage of development planet need to warm up.... best way to do this is increase CO2.. so allow development of creatures best able to produce CO2 in large quantities.. true, that very thing will destroy the creatures that produce the CO2, but hey, thats life for self regulating organisms the size of planets... look at the mats... so the theory says, in brief, that we have sprung up so that the warming of the planet is ensured, and our efforts towards this will lead to our extinction, and open the way for the next wave of development... just as the mats, the dinosaurs, et al moved aside.... in other words, global warming is our purpose, and by attempting to save our race, we may also be attempting to doom our planet... but i digress..... the truth is we don't know one way or the other... lets be honest, we're still divided over whether cancer is a nasty disease or evolution at work... so what chance do we have.... and, asa Tori said, "if that doesn't impress you much, come board this lunatic express..." until we all chin up, put on a pair of rosies and raise those blinds, Wisebeard salutes you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So.. spent last night poaching sausages in goose stock... home made goose stock, made from the remnants of the yule feast.. all the bones, giblets, bits of left over meat and skin, with herbs from my garden, home grown onions, all boiled up, then simmered for three hours... lovely.. then frozen, and used now.. which made me wonder.. I've always made stock like this... using the old veggie wateer (but not from spuds...) but it seems I'm in th eminority.. I suppose oxo cubes are just easier... but as those who know me will attest, I don't enjoy throwing stuff away.... even to the extent that once i made a necklace of old chicken bones... but I digress... saving food should, I feel, be a priority.. when you realise that in this country we throw away a third of all the food we buy.... which is not good.. the worst thing about it is not the waste though.. its that we just don't think about it.. what sort of society do we have if it doesn't think waste is even worth noticing?? No wonder we have problems.. but then, I blame the flush toilet... why??!!, I hear you ask... and like a good wisebeard I respond.... there is no such thing as "human waste".... centuries ago, you did your business in the fields, it rotted down, and stuff grw... even up to a hundred years ago, the earth closet was king... drop it in the bucket, cover it with soil, and when the bucket was ull, it went on the compost heap, or the nightsoil men would take t away and sell it to the farmers... how much better though, to pull a handle and watch a few gallons of clean water wash the problem downstream.. why deal with the stuff when yo can shove it elsewhere... and the attitude spread.. which is why we have landfill, when the better answer is make stuff that lasts, can be repaired, and so on.. and get rid of useless packaging... how on earth did I manage in the days before shrink wrap... oh, I remember.. we used paper.. you know, the stuff that comes from a renewable resource, and can be remade or biodegrade into compost.... but i digress again... one of my pe rants....until we decide whether we want an environment or an economy, Wisebeard salutes you!!!!!!!!!!!

SATs Ur-day...

So.. its SATs time again.. possibly for the last time... which brings out all the old arguments about tests getting in the way of education.. which I feel misses the point.. for most people in this country, including the educators, have no idea about the aim of education, or rather, what was the aim when our rather artificial system was divised... who has not heard a teen ager complain bitterly that knowing the rainfall on the bus in the amazon delta will be of no use in the outside world... do I see a hand raised at the back?? No?? good.... because ( and this is a closely guarded secret these days, yet known to our not so distant ancestors... ) the aim of our education sysytem is not to enable the student to gain knowledge in the subjects taught.. the actual subjects taught are immaterial.. remember the early schools and unis taught religion and latin.. occasionaly maths.. even today a Classics degree will get you far in Civil Service.. but why? what is the point of education? I will tell you.. promise!! Our education system is set up to teach people to learn... to accumulate and assimilate information, and then show that the student can use that information or skill under pressure... it is to prepare you for doing the same in a job..... the idea is that (i) you will make your errors at school rather than in the more costly work environment, and (ii) to weed out those less able... the aim is not to enable everyone to get a qualification.. in fact its aim is to make qualifying so difficut that it is easy to see who is good at learning and who is not... which is where it all falls down of course.. because today we see education as inclusive, yet attempt to do it in an exclusive way... and we place far too much emphasis on academic subjects, mainly because education is controlled and formulated by academicians... which makes our supposedly new, inclusive way even more exclusive, by effectively penalising those who would do far better in a less academic environment... and here liesthe problem.. we purport to wanting inclusive education, but cannot get away from exclusivity... we need to decide what we want to do. do we separate wheat from chaff at a certain age, ensuring that the so called best jobs go to the best students, or do we attempt to educate everyone to the same level, accepting that that means some will leave school at thirteen, while others stay till seventy.... or do we find some middle ground.. encourage the student to find out what they enjoy and are good at (and the two are not necessarily the same!) and channel them in that direction, regardless of what that is.. value those who are less academic, and show them that just because they are not university degree material, they are not second class citizens... and vice versa... or even verse vica.... in my (possibly incorrect .. but only possibly.. ) opinion, we need an education system tailored more to the individual, and less to government targets... put those who desire high pressure positions under pressure, so they don't crack at the wrong moment, and let the others off.... make education about learning about learning, and about learning skills, and gathering knowledge.. but that would take thought, long term planning, interest and above all money.. all of which are in short supply... but i digress.. good luck to those sitting sats, and to those satting sits.. and until we learn what we need, Wisebeard salutes you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Avocets and Elephants....

The other day I went with my best friend and my son to a fairly local beaty spot, to do a spot of birdwatching.. which is always fun, even though I'm not as into it as young Matt is... but then he does work for Birdwatching magazine.. after the usual great jokes ( That gull -like bird gave me a funny tern, etc!) the conversation turned to avocets and elephants... which is admittedly strange.... but i see them as a symbol of my basic disappointment with life... let me explain.. i see myself as an incurable optimist, as you know, but i keep getting told that i'm a cross between Alan Partridge and Victor Meldrew... and I admit that i do seem to be a miserable old bugger sometimes... but as I told Matt, just because I'm miserable doesn't mean I'm not happy... he actually told me that on the surface I'm probably one of the happiest people he knows, but that deep down I make Morrisey look positively gay.... I just believe that disappointment is the natural state of human affairs, but like any good Taoist will tell you, this matters not... the best way to explain this is to take a look at that famous piece of Chinese artwork, The Vinegar Tasters.. as opposed to the vinegar tasers, which is something totally different... but I digress.. this picture, which to some is the pinnacle of Chinese symbolic art (although some believe that Willow Pattern holds that title, coming as it does from that famous beijing suburb, Stoke on Trent..) showsa three men licking their fingers around a barrel of vinegar... the firts man, who symbolises Kung Fu Tse (or Confucius if you'd rather.. ) has a sour expression on his face.... the second, who is apparently Buddha, looks bitterly at the varrel.. the third, Lao Tzu, is smiling.. but why the discrepancies?? Well, Confucius believed that the world was a sour place, to be tolerated and put into order... so therefor his core belief was that there was something wrong with the place.. Buddha believed that this world was a bitter place, to be escaped from asap.. but the Taoist Lao Tzu accepted that the world was both, and that that was the way things were, so why not make the best of it... the idea is, why curse vinegar fro being bitter and sour? That's what you expect of vinegar! If the vinegar is bitter and sour, smile.. you've got good vinegar! I think I cn see the point I'm trying to make.. but what of avocets, i hear you cry.. or maybe not.. well, the point is, and I've nothing against avocets (or indeed elephants for that matter..).. in fact,they are still one of my favourite birds.. but after looking ongingly at them in my Ladybird Book of Sea and Estuary Birds I was quite excited at the prospect of actually seeing one.. for some reason I was expecting them to be about the size of a heron... and was quite disappointed to find them a lot smaller....and the same with elephants... but i accept that the problem lay not with the creatures, but with my expectations of them... which is why I still like elephants, and avocets, and my disappointment has not made me all that unhappy.. it would just be silly to blame the avocet.. and it is a beautiful bird. but enough of my wittering.. the curlews are curlewing and the whippoorwills meeping, and it is time for bed.. so until all our avocets are like vinegar, Wisebeard salutes you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

May I.....

So may is upon us.. the last of my one a day has been written, my entry for the BBC is being honed, survival camp is over, and everyione is happy.. except my spellchecker.... but there we are... its strange how may sandwiches itself quite nicely between two bank holidays.... its almost as if it were deliberately planned.... but i digress.... bivouaacing does that to a man.. until we are all comfy under canvas, wisebeard salutes you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Its that time of month.....

So... the 29th.. and the last but one poem of my one a day... its been an interesting experiment... I don't think I could do it every month, but its been valuable... and has given me plenty of stuff to work on... te idea of using Brewers was inspired... the titles and themes it gave me were nothing like anything I could have chosen... Cacoethes, Ptolemy, Below the Belt.... Master of the Kings Music... all sorts of stuff, and in line with my admiration of Tori Amos, most had something to do with that three letter word beginning with s... as Miss Amos says, that is, when we get down to it, possibly the thing that all else revolves around... after all, none of us would be here if not for that one thing! but I digress.... although I am reminded of a poem my mother taught me.. not sure of the author, but here goes...

Out of all the alphabet,
I love the letter X...
It stands for kiss
And naughty films,
And is one third of sex.

but there we go.. other than that, everything else seems to be looking up....our scouts came third and fourth in the district night hike.... well done lads! On top of winning the District quiz, this has boosted us no end... we must be doing something right...this weekend sees a survival skills camp.... skinning rabbits, plucking pigeons, building shelters... should be fun... then bank holiday monday.. not sure what's going on then... but I'm sure something will happen.... and I'm a step closer to getting my van... which is nice... but again I digress... until we all survive our own skills, Wisebeard salutes you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!